Greetings from Spockgirl Musings, where logic rules, but the frailties of
human nature, genetic inadequacies and hormonal imbalances wreak havoc.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Kate & Leopold

Movie Review:

Well... I watched this quite some time ago and had written up a brief review, but didn't post it, as I figured it needed some "tweaking".  At this point, I find that it has been sitting here too long, and upon reading it over, I think it is quite fine the way it was, with but a minor edit. I've hardly watched anything at all in the last few months, and if I did, I just didn't seem to have the right energy to write about it.  Heck, I haven't had the right energy to do much of anything for a while, but at least I am clearing up the "drafts". Maybe at some point I'll manage to get my life out of the "in draft" rut.

A romantic-comedy with a little twist. I don't believe there is a movie out there that could boast both the terms "canine bowel movement" and "space-time continuum" with such class let alone in the same script. Meg Ryan and Hugh Jackman star, but extra shine is provided by New York City in two time periods, and Liev Schreiber (whom I believe I first saw in his most hilarious role as a depressed cross-dresser in "Mixed Nuts" and later went on to star with Hugh in "X-Men Origins: Wolverine"). The director, James Mangold, wrote the screenplay for this film, and he also directed, among others, Knight and Day as well as 3:10 to Yuma. Interesting mix all around. 

Some lines that caught my attention:

"No one wants to be romanced by a buffoon. "

"Think of pleasing her, not vexing her. "

"The problem is that for no reason beyond my affection for you, I find myself peddling pondscum to an unsuspecting public."

"I’m tired and I need a rest.. and if I have to peddle a little pondscum to get one, then so be it. "

"I’m that dog who saw a rainbow... only... ah...none of the other dogs believe me." "I believe you."

Living Dead Girl...

That would be me...

I was quite sure that I had posted this song before, but I can't seem to find it. Anyways, I just found this particular video tonight and I liked the campy carnival silent movie theme.

Yes... I should be sleeping by now.

Little did I know...

When I came up with that caption up there, "Greetings from Spockgirl Musings, where logic rules, but the frailties of human nature, genetic inadequacies and hormonal imbalances wreak havoc.", I was actually being a little cheeky, in that if or when I veered off the path of logic, those would be my reasons for doing so. Little did I know how portentous the chosen words would be. In less than a year and a half, I have become human, experienced and exhibited the frailties of human nature, tested my genetic inadequacies, and been imbalanced by hormonal imbalances. Havoc has indeed been wreaked.

I am at a loss. I am stuck. I don't know what to do.

Music helps to get me outside of my head and tonight there were a few songs floating around, from Billie Holiday, The Clash, Korn, Powerman 5000, and this one by Linkin Park, which struck a chord with me.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Saturday drifting...

I know I listened to the Doors when I was in high school, before I went into the whole "new wave" phase. Some of their songs have remained embedded in my head all these years, together with the vague memory of seeing Jim Morrison's grave at some point during a trip to France. I don't remember how we got there, or the walk in the cemetery or anything else about it, just that I know I was there, and that I took a couple pictures. Anyways, one of the songs from way back then drifted into my head today and seems fitting...
Rather odd for a Saturday afternoon I think.

Junk food and alcohol... sounds like a plan...

"You are finally ready to face the world as yourself this week, so don't be afraid of anything. The partner of your dreams will realise you are unworthy of attention, today. Stock up on junk food and alcohol. The number you are thinking of is an odd number below 50."    (From Laughsend.)

Funny thing is that I was seriously considering splurging on a bottle of wine or some vodka coolers now that Summer might actually have arrived.  I  think that I might still have a couple that have been sitting in the bottom shelf of the fridge door for over two years. I don't drink much so it takes me a very long time to finish these things.

Creative Crazy Cool

This sort of reminded me of the time I used an awl to puncture holes in tin cans to form decorative shapes, for use as candleholders, but ... much cooler than that.

From The Borderline Sociopathic Blog for Boys

Friday, July 29, 2011

A Flying Bird... huh?

The other day I did a post called "Flying Squirrel Man". Tonight, I was checking out the usual blogs and found something else that caught my eye... and that also involved the subject of flight... a man-made "robotic" bird that mimics the actual mechanics of a bird in flight. Very cool.


From Noahware.

A childhood memory...

She was thin... almost skeletal thin. Her skin, not pale, but totally devoid of colour, with an almost waxy sheen to it. Her hair, cropped and dark, maybe even black. She wore red lipstick that made her skin appear even more death like. Her facial features were sharp. She spoke slowly... deliberately... and with an accent, not thick or heavy, just clearly... German. Her hands, her hands were ice cold and she looked ... ancient.

I saw her almost thirty years later and she looked exactly the same.


"It may be difficult, but it will be worth it in the end."

I cracked open another fortune cookie and got that. It is funny considering that I have nothing going on in my life... absolutely nothing. I have one thing that is a possibility, but even with that I seem to be stuck in some sort of life limbo. With this one aspect  of my life in which I might want to move forward, there is an outside force at play. On the other hand, I can't seem to move forward in all other aspects of my life because there is an internal force with which I am at odds. At this juncture, everything seems difficult, because I am firmly entrenched inside my own head.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

I like this guy...

He's got a great sense of humour...

There's a romantic-comedy coming out called "Crazy Stupid Love" with Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling, Julianne Moore and a young actress whose name currently eludes me. I had watched a trailer a while back, and may have posted it on the blog, but ... I can't remember. Anyways, I have grown rather fond of Steve Carell, who I find to be not quite so over-the-top funny as Jim Carey (a Canadian), but also better looking. Tonight however, when I was watching the trailer again, I noticed, on the sidebar, a Ryan Gosling interview with David Letterman, and decided to watch it. Letterman was one of the late night shows that I used to watch before I stopped watching tv completely. Charming guest with a sense of humour to boot, great interview, and something I didn't know... he is ... Canadian. Now I might be one of the only chicks in the world who has never seen "the Notebook", and I still probably won't, but I highly recommend watching this interview. I think he may have almost surpassed Ryan Reynolds (also a Canadian) in my books now.


Trust is a high value word in my personal dictionary. Being trustworthy is a characteristic which I value highly in myself, and is perhaps one of the most greatly valued. When I find it in myself to trust someone else, then I have put a great deal of thought into that decision, and that being so, have essentially placed my faith in that person. Of course, throughout my life, even as a child, any decision I made, anything I did, was done so with caution and common sense. Somewhere between my generation and the next, the dictates of caution and common sense have been lost, and this is something I find truly disheartening.

I hadn't really planned on touching on the subject of trust quite yet, but it is something that has come up in the past few months and then again the other day in conversation. Then, tonight, I was just looking at some trailers and this one struck me, as the very same subject had just been brought up. It is a story that I have heard before, a cautionary tale for parents and children alike, and everyone else out there, who have put themselves "out there".


Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Happy Meal...

From: BestHealthMag.Ca
"News: McDonalds is changing the Happy Meal, but is it really healthier?"

"McDonald's Canada announced yesterday that it will be adding a small serving of 1 percent milk fat yogurt to its Happy Meals this fall. The company will also be reducing the Happy Meal fries portion to 31 g (100 calories) from the current 71 g, reports CTV News. But will these changes make the Happy Meal a healthy choice?

The McDonald's Canada Nutrition Calculator doesn't list nutritional values for Happy Meal foods specifically, however consider this: A 71 g serving of fries contains 170 mg of sodium, so if we subtract the 40 g being cut from the new Happy Meal meal and you end up with 130 mg of sodium."

Hmm.... um.... This bothered me a little. The math part.

A 71 gram portion of fries is reduced to a 31 gram portion. If the 71 gram portion contains 170 mg of sodium, how much sodium does the 31 gram portion contain?

The author of the article wrote 130 mg.

What I figure with basic math is as follows:

x               31
170    =     71

x =  31/71 * 170 = 74

Therefore, the 31 gram portion of fries would contain 74 mg of sodium, not 130. However, I do take into consideration that the amount of salt that they add to the smaller portion of fries could technically be the exact same as the salt added to the larger portion, but whatever. Technically, parents COULD ask for unsalted fries.

Technically I could be cranky... or I could be suffering from McDonald's withdrawal.

The value of that word...

So ... lately, the wacky horoscopes have been rather weak or are repeating themselves, so tonight instead, I went and cracked open another love cookie. I didn't really want to post the fortune from the love cookie, so I went and cracked open a plain old cookie, and... go figure, it had love mentioned in it as well, so I went with the first one.

"Love is when you fall asleep thinking about that person and you wake up and think about them until you fall asleep again."

Now... I do not much agree with the concept of Love, nor the word itself, and in my opinion, it has been thrown about and watered down so much that it is but a shell of what it used to mean. Like many words in this modern age, Love, like Faith, and Friend, for instance, have lost the strength and true value of their meanings. I have been thinking about the value of words and these ones in particular for quite some time, but have not yet been able to formulate my thoughts sufficiently to flesh it out in writing.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011


It would seem that I cannot escape the emptiness. It is everpresent and encompassing, yet elusive as a heartbeat. I can see it, hear it, feel it and yet cannot grasp it. It waits patiently, for the quiet, the calm, the stillness and silence... and slowly comes to hold me in its cold embrace. This weightless weight holds me down in place until I break again. I accept that... for I ... created ... it.

As I finished writing that and was reading it over, tears started welling up in my eyes. I was ready to post it as is, but instead, I took a moment to gather my thoughts, and then asked myself how many times I had mentioned the word "emptiness" on the blog. I dried my eyes and searched back. It seems lame to me to add links into a piece that just spilled out, but that is the way my brain travels when I take a step back from myself and analyze. I probably could have looked for more, but what I found thusfar seemed to cover everything.  Following is the amended version:

It would seem that I cannot escape the emptiness. It is everpresent and encompassing, yet elusive as a heartbeat. I can see it, hear it, feel it and yet cannot grasp it. It waits patiently, for the quiet, the calm, the stillness and silence... and slowly comes to hold me in its cold embrace. This weightless weight holds me down in place until I break again. I accept the emptiness that is...  for I ... created ... it.... and I am the one who must unmake it.

To Walk Alone...

Was introduced to the song "Tired Climb", by a band called Kylesa, a short while ago and two words were brought to my attention from the lyrics... "tranquil anxiety". Curious of course, I went agoogling to find the rest.

Keyed up, all tore up
Free from thought, walking backwards
Tranquil anxiety
Refraining from walking backwards
Reverse and rewind
Contemplate moving forward
Regrets indicate, moving forth is walking backwards

We tread a long time
On occasion, on the line
Swaying, weighing
Straying from this tired climb

Pretty astute observation to tie in those words to where I am and have been. Anyways, last night I went to take a boo at a few more of the band's songs, and a few caught my attention, in particular the one called "To Walk Alone", for its building percussive element, as well as its lyrics.

I think I always knew that I was meant to walk the path of life alone, akin to the lone wolf, and I liked it that way. No one to answer to, no one to disturb, no one to disturb me.

I have a Happy Word?

All things considered, including the fact that I felt like complete and utter crap today, one of the other quizzes I just did further to the previous post's, was: "What's Your Happy Word?", and of course, I had to laugh... because I chose to do this particular one (how could I resist... geh), and the result itself.

Your Happy Word is "Laughter"

You are happy because you are able to laugh at life. You believe that everything has a lighter side.

You try to take a broad perspective and keep everything in context. You can always make lemons out of lemonade.

You never take yourself too seriously, and you are able to laugh at any jokes at your expense.

You let yourself make mistakes, and because of that, you find it quite easy to be cheerful.

Monday, July 25, 2011

What Kind of Soul?

I admit these quizzes are pretty dumb, but usually fun to do. This one however wasn't one of those fun ones like "What Kind of Pie are You?"

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.

Connected to all things spiritual, you are very in touch with your soul.

You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.

Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.

You have great vision and can be very insightful.

In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.

Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.

You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.

Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Flying squirrel man...

YouTubeLink.  (Views 73,821)

This was posted over at the Borderline Sociopathic Blog for Boys. I have to admit, I was smiling all the way through it... a big little kid smile. I think the first time I had seen one of these suits in use was in one of the Tomb Raider movies, the one with the honey, Gerard Butler, before he was all that of "300" fame.


These lampposts always remind me of something from the old War of the Worlds movie, which I don't think that I even saw in its entirety. A microphone also comes to mind. I can picture it in video, rotating around scanning the area, calling out "Hello?"

Oh... I was just thinking that I have probably already posted on this before... I went to check and... yes, yes I have.  Two posts...  Greetings and Lamppost?  Pretty sad, travelling around in circles like this, but it is where I'm at... (Oh... good lord... now I have a retarded Lionel Richie song in my head. Note:  I am not posting a link to said song as that would be evil.)

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Faded remains...

My eyes, a mauve and golden haze
does mark the passing of our days
My heart, a darkness mars the blaze
to mark the changing of our ways.
In the pure blue sky comes storm,
with angry word, a shout and darkness' form.
Faded sky, beauteous tone
gives such joy when I'm alone,
for no such thing can fill my heart
but such beauty that shall never part

I wrote this while I was sitting in a bus on the highway headed home around dusk many years ago, and it  is one of those rare times that I do remember where I was when I was doing something. I wasn't too sure of when exactly I wrote it, but was thinking early 90s, so I checked the old journal and found that I had written the date beside it, May 6, 1989. It is funny that in all these years, the first line has stayed with me, as I had always kept in mind the image that it conjured. I have not yet found a photograph to accompany it, although I have come close, in particular this past year.

Wait a minute now...

Um... the title to that last post wasn't about me. (Hell no.)

Blushing beautiful and alive...

These are two blooms from one of the French Lace Rose bushes that I had presumed dead after spring came.  I had previously mentioned it as a cream rose, but here you can see that it has a rather pale blush tone to it.  Speaking of blush... I actually made some guy blush the other day with something that I said.

To honour and support...

Well... if anyone wonders why we should continue to support the troops and their efforts in Afghanistan, despite draw-downs and withdrawals, perhaps you would be better off saying "why not?"...

To honour the fallen since last time:

U.S. (Utah (2), Pa (4), Cali (2), Tex, Col,
        Wa, SD, Fla, Maine, NY (2), Hawaii,
        Ky, Minn, Mich, Iowa, La, SC
UK (2)
France (7)

Friday, July 22, 2011

Random Friday things...

Went to the cornerstore earlier today and the woman asked if I hadn't slept much last night. Hmm... I must have looked pretty bad... 

Honestly... I was in bed just after 11pm... Lights out before midnight.  I tried, I really tried... 12:02, 2:03, 2:41 ... sleep would not come. Maybe it visited somewhere between 12:02 and 2:03, but I cannot be certain. So at some point shortly after 2:41am, I flipped the lights on and zipped up a blogpost. I may have even sent someone an email, but I can't remember. I thought looking at the screen would make me more tired, more willing to sleep, but no. I turned the lights off and soon daylight crept through the window. By 5:27 I was tempted to just get up and do some chores, but that prospect appealed to me even less, less than the emotional crapfest that took place inside my head as I had been laying there trying to reason myself to sleep.  Finally it came for a blissful couple hours, but.. as I have so many times in the past, woke up feeling more tired than I had when my head first hit the pillow. It would seem that sleep and me were just not meant to be once again.  At least I do know that I had slept well enough to dream.


I made myself a grilled cheddar and tuna sandwich on whole grain bread, and thoroughly enjoyed the comforty goodness of it with some Campbell's Tomato Soup to which I had added hot pepper flakes and ground pepper with melted cheddar cheese for gooeyness. It was like drinking smoking hot liquid cheddar.


My nephew stopped by and needed something to occupy his time, so I gave him a couple bucks and asked him to get me this:

After closing up shop, decided to make the trek up to the grocery store with the nephew, and picked up stuff I needed plus a couple things that I didn't, like this:

I know it says "Damn Hot" on the label, but really it's not. But it is damn good.

For some reason my fridge now seems to be less empty than it was this morning, and I seem to be a little full.

Lone Wolf...

One of the vehicles that stood out in my mind at the Vintage Car Show earlier this month was one that made me walk around to the back to check it out, where I saw this:

The unique cut-out window, the wood detailing and the stylish yet utilitarian metal storage chests were cool enough, when I noticed the words on the chests. When I was younger, I think I figured that the "Lone Wolf" concept suited me well. Of course, way back when, I didn't have a computer and wiki at my fingertips, so this was something that I would have read about at some point in my youth, with an interest of some sort in wolves and their living habits. Anyways, it is rather funny that I also wanted to post a photo of a motorcycle from the "car" show, but I wasn't too sure how to fit it in, until I realized what fascinated me about the motorcyle was the seat... for one.

I was just thinking...  It was a beautiful sunny day to stroll around town. When I was near the end of the street, I had a rather long chat with a gentleman who had been working at a local garage for 18 years. He knew where I had worked and that I had been there for a long time, but as with most people who "know" who I am, that was all he knew about me... where I had worked and that I was good at my job. I suppose you could say he knew me by my territory only, which was fine with me, Lone Wolf that I be.

Years ago, I bought a framed and matted print of a lone black wolf hiding behind a tree. I think it has been over fifteen years now and it has never been hung on a wall. I went online to see if it was still in circulation, and I think this is the one:

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Me and biscuits...

Instead of having a chocolate bar today, I purchased a mini-bag of mini-cookies, which it turns out, is 10 cents less than a chocolate bar. And.. they weren't that bad... for fake cookies, aka... not homemade.

Anyways, the word cookies and/or biscuits, has come up in life, as well as in recent emails, and once again... in the wacky horoscope.

Date: 21st July 2011

"If everything that's ever been said about you is true, why are you such a jackass? There are definitely drawbacks to all your best laid plans. Be award (typo - should be "aware") that today might not be your lucky day. The best way to fool a man into giving away a biscuit is to let him know that you know where it's been. Don't give any details, just let it casually be known that you "know where it's been". How is this relevant to you today? You'll see. You and biscuits are going to be inseparable."

I like the sound of "me and biscuits", it has a ring to it.

Oh... how could I forget this...

... this. How could I indeed?

Something was tickling my brain about Shades of Gray, the title to the previous post.

Shades of gray...

Not quite sure how this happened, but all I did was tilt the cell phone at a slightly different angle and a couple shots ended up being blue and a couple gray. Pleasant surprise regardless.

Tonight I was thinking about these photos and the song that came to mind was The Sound of Silence. I went to look for it and had a listen for the first time in many years. I checked the sidebar for Scarborough Fair, an old favourite. I don't know what it is, but Art Garfunkel seemed a little creepy to me when I was younger, and apparently still sort of is. Anyways, I continued on my journey and noticed another one from way back, Dust in the Wind, the perfect song for where I was and came to be.

Funny thing is that I wasn't going to post a video after finding a few links, but scrolled down a little farther and found this one, which I couldn't not post.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The Merry-go-round...

I was sort of sitting by myself on the playground merry-go-round, with my feet shuffling along the ground so that I could spin slowly around on my own. It was a cloudy overcast gray kind of day and it began to spit rain as I was waiting. The day was drawing to a close, time was slowing down and it was starting to get a little chilly. I rubbed my hands together to keep them warm and looked up to survey the area, which was now completely empty and silent. I sighed... the sigh of resignment. I gave a couple hearty push-offs, plunked myself down flat on my back and looked up to the sky as it rotated above me. I closed my eyes, and then, as the spinning gradually subsided, I opened them to find that the sky had darkened. It was time to go.

Library revisited...

I have to say that there was much more to this post in regards to the way my mind and my memory work, but for some reason I thought that the second part didn't flow properly with the first, and so... I held onto it a bit longer. I read it over a few times and am not quite sure why I hesitated in the first place. So, here is the continuation.

In pondering this a little more... I liken my childhood to many sheets of paper. I drew on those pieces of paper... I used waxed crayons, pencil crayons, watercolour paints, pastels and pencils. At any time, one sheet of paper with a drawing on it might get lost in the shuffle of life... tucked away in a book, or simply thrown out in the trash because it wasn’t worth keeping. Those sheets of paper... those moments... those memories... are gone, but the essence of their creation is who I am.

But wait...  I wonder where is the emotion? Where are the feelings generated from those moments? I cannot say for certain, as I do not remember, but obviously something would have been felt at the time. In this regard I would say that, as I noted above, “my memory functions solely out of necessity.” Any feeling or emotion that may have been evoked was present at the time, but did not need to exist much farther beyond that point. The emotion or feeling has long since faded, and to have held on to that feeling would have been redundant, or counter-productive.

But... now... that leads me to the present, and my inability to move forward, in which case I return to the library scenario. What would a library in chaos look like? Ah... a normal person might immediately picture books strewn about the floor, on tables, upside down, flipped open... a complete mess. Me.. on the otherhand, I see a librarian with Albert Einstein hair, being in utter dismay after having come to the slow realization that the card catalogue is in complete and utter disarray... and now must be put back in order... in addition to the books strewn about all over the place.

Blue tones

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

This made me feel better...

Always good for a laugh anyways, from here

"A picture frame will feature highly in your day today and will probably make you feel like you'd never gotten out of bed. Indeed, you'll probably end up going back to bed as soon as today's mishaps have had done with you. You are not a sham, nor are you a mockery. You are you. Lots of love. The very thought of coming up with a horoscope for you made me laugh. You may be the most pathetic thing I've ever come across - but DON'T BE SAD! You are on the verge of a massive breakthrough."

Oh crap, not again...

There's that old saying, "When life hands you lemons, you make....lemonade." I totally agree with the sentiment. Take today for instance. The day started off rather cloudy and chilly, but later on, the sun did make an appearance for a few hours. By 7pm I knew there wasn't going to be any amazing life altering event happening, so I figured I should get outside and do some weeding. I already knew which areas I wanted to tackle and which particular weeds... the ones that were three feet tall with tiny yellow flowers and the like. I merrily went along my way, first pulling a few in the backyard, then going around to the front. I finished that and went to the other side where I had to insert myself into rose thorns and past a four and a half foot thorny monster of a weed to get the tall yellow flowered beasts in the back. Sadly, several of those did not come out with gentle tugging as the others had, so I will have to deal with them when I have a little more protection from the prickly suckers.

One of the hydrangea bushes in the front has brown spots on the leaves and in the past I had sprayed them with dishwashing soapy water, so I went in the house to find the bottle. As I was making my way around the hydrangea, I noticed a horrid smell, which I figured was just from some neighbourhood cat that had decided to use my garden as a toilet. I continued to spray and the smell continued to smell. The bottle ran out, so I went around to the back to where the garden hose is situate, and ... I did one of those "whoooooosh" type slips... almost...  with a smooshing sound. And there was that smell again. I looked down at a solid liquid squished mass right in the middle of the pathway to the backyard... that I had stepped in... Gah! Double gah, with an arggghhhhh thrown in. I lifted up my shoe and ... yup...  Well... anyways... I filled up the dishwashing soapy water bottle, hosed off the bottom of my shoe, and having no other recourse but to try and blow the diarrhea type poopy mass off the grass, turned the hose up and attempted to do so. I then realized that there were solid lumps as well...  I turned the water up for a little more oomph.  I was at first a little ticked off that someone had let there dog go poop in the middle of  the garden pathway, but realized that it was not someone's loose dog, it was an incontinent cat. Anyways, luckily I had the suds filled spray bottle and attended to the bottom of the shoe one more time.

I took the soiled shoe off went into the house to rid myself of the now wet sock, and put a flip flop on the left foot. Went back outside to spray the rest of the hydrangea, and two rose bushes, then bagged up the weeds. The mosquitoes were teasing around, so I figured I was done. I would say the same for those poor old shoes. I think I have had them for probably fourteen years. They had started off as my indoor sports shoes, then tennis and biking. After they had worn down their treads, they became gardening shoes. They were allowed to relax, to spread out, the ties to loosen, then break. Now, with holes in the bottoms, old and outworn, I couldn't wear them anywhere else as they would just fall off my feet with each step. I had been thinking a few weeks ago that I should throw them out, but that I didn't yet have a worn enough replacement pair. Well... today's exciting event decided their fate. Come Wednesday morning, they will no longer be a part of my life, but soon will be a part of the Earth, upon which they trod so well. 

Photo taken June 4, 2011

The funny thing about this? The last week or two, I have lamented the fact that I had nothing of substance to write about. Go figure...  the substance turns out to be crap again...  literally.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Swirls and waves...

The texture of shadow and light...
found in white cotton...
... and Iceberg Rose petals outside.

Sunday, July 17, 2011


Walked up to the smalltown version of a fairgrounds today. It was cloudy and a little breezy, so I had my jacket, jeans and boots on, but realized five minutes into the walk that it was not at all chilly... It was lukewarm with a sploosh of mugginess that just about did me in. Got there and eyed the horizon for the food concession stands wondering if the mini-donut dude would be there. The stand was there, but not the same dude. I find that it is worth the trek just to have the pleasure of eating the tiny morsels of sugar-coated sweetness. Only thing is that the 8 pieces was... $3.00! The bag of 14 was ... $5! To me anyways, it seemed a lot, but I had to, just had to... so I got the small bag... Oh... damn... good. I also went to check out the derby pit, chatted with a friend and her mom. Caught the two car mini-stock intermission entertainment and left before the demolition derby was to start. I figured I could walk back up and catch the tail end...

So... I walked back up around 4:30, and ran into my friend's mom heading home. I had missed the finals of the final event, but walked up there anyways as the midway was still up and running. My friend's daughter was still on the rides, and then she was was on to the dreaded games. Expensive. The prizes looked like crap. Even more crappy than the stuff I remember as a kid. But still the same game.  Oh... and I was lured by the call of the french fries... but I resisted their $5.00 for a small call. Now that I think about it, it probably would have been worth it.

Almost four miles of walking for a $3.00 bag of mini-donuts and a couple chats. Hmm... I think I should have paid the $5.00 for the 14.  (OMG... I just went agoogling for a picture of them to post...  aghhhh....)

Update at midnight: I wasn't going to post the photo I found, but I can't stop thinking about them, so here's the pic:

Oh, and just on a whim, I went to the website where the photo was posted and there was a recipe, here.

Ninjas... damn...

I'm a sucker for these types of movies, but I haven't even gotten around to watching any that were on the last list yet.

Out on DVD: The Warrior's Way (from whence I got the Title for this post.)

In Theatres or coming soon are these three which I know will be "It has all been done before, same old, same old, little bit of this movie, little bit of that... blah, blah, blah..."  but they look fun nonetheless.


The Three Musketeers

Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol

Hmm, when I saw the first few trailers of the next Transformers movie a while back, I wasn't too sure about it, but I might end up liking Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon better than the second one.

Of lavender, poppies and dead roses...

I lost two Lavender plants this past winter, among a few other things. Luckily I still had three smaller ones that survived, which I could transplant in their places. The one pictured above is the one that was next to the ones that died. That beautiful pink flower, I found out last year, is a poppy, but of course, not like any of the single red poppies that grew wild here before. Once I figured out how to identify them by their leaves, they were allowed to run amok all over the garden.  I think the contrast between the colours and the foliage is almost stunning.

On a side note, two of the rose bushes which, to my great disappointment, I thought had died, apparently had not. They looked dead late into spring and I did not see any new growth on them, but... I left them there anyways. Perhaps being not hasty, with a little touch of lazy turned out to be a good thing... in that case. Both are doing well and one of them now has 3 or 4 blooms. I think I took great care in picking out the rose bushes to plant here, paying close attention to their winter hardiness. This particular rose is a delicate cream colour and has the most divine (for lack of a better word) fragrance... to me anyways.. I suppose because I can't typically smell all flowers. Below is a photo from last year June.

Whenever I post a photo of a flower, I try to remember to look up its meaning, or what it symbolizes, so today:

Lavender is a symbol of love and devotion. 
Poppies.. of eternal sleep, oblivion and imagination.
Cream Rose... charm, grace and thoughtfulness.

So... I love sleep, but I see the charm in oblivion. I hold dear the grace found in thoughtfulness and devotion, and leave the rest up to the imagination.

Inside out...

Writing here for over a year, I went so far outside myself, that I ended up inside myself, looking outside, and basically.... inside out. Something that I said recently to someone sums it up fairly well. "... I've said so much more that is so far beyond the me who says nothing..." When I refer to my bluntness and brevity, I mean it. When I say the words broken, lost, cold, silence, quiet, solitude, peace, darkness, emptiness, these are not merely metaphors, their meaning is also truly literal... all of them.

Imagine infinite layers of emptiness. Layer upon layer of emptiness conjoined with peace and tranquility, silence and solitude. One water droplet from the kitchen faucet ripples the pool of calm. One pin drop shatters the silence. The world could end outside and I would not know. Layers of emptiness fill the void. Imagine then when sadness crept in, uninvited and unwelcome. Sadness then took the place of emptiness... and encompassed the void. I tried to rationalize the sadness, to find reason in it... but found no rational reason. Was it sadness for the loss of life in others’ lives? Was it sadness for the loss of self? Yes, I could analyze things to death and back again. Ultimately, it was this sadness or grief that lead to the sharing of words... and then some.

I was the lone hamster in my very own wheel of life... only I didn't like where the wheel was taking me.

Gradually I was able to remove myself from the intensity of the sadness, but still unable to focus on my life. Perhaps some other hamster's wheel looked more appealing than the one I was on. I don't know. I'm still going around in circles here in mine, so I haven't quite been able to figure this journey out yet.

As I was writing this, I felt like I was going to slide into a coma (metaphor for sleep), so I do not know if any of it makes sense. All I know is that for some reason, I had to finish it before I slipped away. Maybe I will actually sleep for real and...  maybe, just maybe... dream of something worthwhile.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Before and after...

Some of these flowers were falling over in the garden and dragging on the ground, so I cut those that were and brought them in the house. The first photo is with natural light in the kitchen, and has a rather vintage feel to it. The second photo is with autocorrection.

This is along the same lines as "Better or Worse".

Ah... and the meaning or symbolism for Canterbury Bells? Gratitude.

Oh... and yes, I know the images are blurry, but I am thankful that I can still see well enough to take photos.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Oh... now I'm worried...

"People will today start to resent your annoying habit of repeating the last funny thing said and then laughing. Friends have always tried to convince you of your madness, but never more so will that be true than this coming weekend. Your stupidity today will be rivalled only by your embarrassment."

I don't think I've ever done anything really stupid in my life, but... I guess there's still a little time left.


I had a song that came to mind as soon as I saw the word "stupidity", but when I went looking for it I found this instead. (Warning: 2006 song by an 80s band... do NOT go there.)

Oh... this  is the song I was thinking of.

As we travel the universe...

I can't quite remember how I came across this particular photo album from Hungary when I first started blogging, but what originally caught my attention were some gorgeous pictures of roses. Since then he has added several other miscellaneous albums, but it is the flowers and the skyscapes that are a treat to look at.  Yeah... that's what one can do with a real camera.  This is one of his latest shots, which, much like the image from Photo and Travel (Portugal) posted at the bottom of my blog, seems to be a reflection of me. 

For another absolutely amazing photo, click here.

Tonight, I was listening to a CD that I hadn't played in a long time, and found a song that, surprisingly, I don't remember at all, but it is beautiful and just seemed to meld with this photo.  When I went to google the song and lyrics, I also found out that it is not original to Pantera, but rather is a cover of this.  And... in typical trippy universe fashion, Black Sabbath, a band that I remember from high school but didn't really listen to, came up in conversation just the other day.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Just another cookie...

Again... still... yet... lacking in thoughts and words and ideas, and anything of tangible substance in my existence, in other words, translated to "sleepy", "bored", or "dead", and for the simple fact that I haven't even come across anything funny to be transported from the doldrums, I went and cracked open another cookie.

"Love is when he gives you a piece of your soul you didn't know you were missing."

That one made me scrinch my face up.

Funny thing as I was trying to figure out what to call this post... I wrote "Another cookie", but was thinking of "Just Another Cookie". This then lead me to rack my brain about a song... that started off with Just Another....something... For the life of me I couldn't remember what it was, but I knew it was on the Judgment Night soundtrack, so I went agoogling.
 Warning:  Hip-hop/Metal blend.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Do it now...

How would you blog without the use of your arms? Your hands? Your fingers? How would you keep in touch with your peeps? Think on that for a moment and maybe take a boo at the blog "From my position... on the way!" from a different position and/or watch this video (which I just saw for the first time today) to explain this post, and why I have that "Donate Now" button up top, as well as the links up on the sidebar.  Please note that although I have the "Go Team Navy" up there, the funds raised are NOT branch specific. The team that raises the most money just gets to brag that they did so. Last time I checked only 1/3 of the goal has been raised thusfar. The sad thing? Team Navy has only raised about $4,000 of their $25,000 goal.

Two days left.

Of course, there are other ways to help.

Thoughts decay...

Lacking in words, I went back into the vault and found these from September 21, 2009. They were interspersed in one of my notebooks with some peaceful, glowing September sun poems of the same format. The funny thing is that these were written almost a year before I actually fell into the sleepless void of the dark side. This is a clear indication that I have truly been running around in circles inside my head.

Passionless and free
No beyond imaginings
Patient and content

Numbing thoughts decay
The mind at rest, and rips out
The soul of being

Life‘s blood incomplete
Wasted on the living breath
Silent and unheard

Heavy heart lies cold
Waiting to be swept away
Dying on the floor

cki Sep 21 2009

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Pulling away...

Something came up in conversation the other day wherein I ended up saying that perhaps I should stop emailing and blogging, and just get rid of the laptop completely. I have been struggling with the uselessness, purposelessness and nothingness within me that is now translating to this wee blog of mine. The one outlet in my life that was somehow pulling me outside of myself perhaps has lost its spark. Heck... if I have truly lost my spark then how could my blog exist. It would be a useless shell, lacking in substance, somewhat akin to how I feel. Before, there had always been something, whether an outside or neutral force, or positive or negative circumstance, to urge me forward. Now that it is all on me... without a guide or nudge, I cannot make myself move forward, let alone keep my head above water. I also said that I still feel as though I was gifted with this extra time in my life to struggle with myself. But, I must ask... to struggle to what end? I know, I know.... it is the journey that matters, not the destination. But... the fuel gauge is hovering on empty, and the road is long, and I don't know where I'm going. Or maybe... just maybe...  it wasn't a road after all...   Maybe I've just come to the cul de sac of life.

As for emailing and blogging, and scrapping the laptop... this little gem is where I am at in a nutshell.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Some soldiers' moms...

So, lately, I haven't had much of any substance to write about here. Since I started the blog last year, there are many things that I have written that I didn't think I could share, or would. My journey actually started with this military dude, but went on a number of tangents. It is funny what can happen when you start clicking "next blog" as one would on a tv remote. It is almost as though reading what other people had to say and stepping outside myself to respond in comments, was like opening windows to let the air out, which lead to considerably more here.

One of the first blogs that I came across in my bloghopping journey was Some Soldier's Mom. I haven't been over there in a while, but for some reason today, I clicked the link on my sidebar and found her post regarding Soldiers' Angels Project Valout IT. You might have noticed that I have links to this very worthy and valuable cause up top and to the right. Anyways... I had heard about this project last year and offered my support from the sidelines of life, on my blog. Her support and involvement comes from home and heart, and as such, she explains it much better than I ever could.  Please do pop over there and read.

Now I have used the term "the man himself", a couple times in reference to Project Valour IT and have linked to his blog for his most personal involvement and experience. I can man up and say that yes... some blogs written by some military dudes have managed to bring a tear to my eye, but today...  I had to add that his mom made me cry too.  In the time that I have been blogging I have apparently turned all soft and mushy. Please do read the links. There are five days left in this fundraiser, and I'm not really a pushy person, but ... please offer your support and donate now.

Friday, July 8, 2011

A tree in the woods...

Sometimes a tree is just a tree.

To remember and honour...

... those who return, those still away and those left at home:

“Somewhere there is someone that dreams of your smile, and finds in your presence that life is worthwhile, so when you are lonely remember it’s true, someone somewhere is thinking of you.” (Author unknown)

... and those who did not make it back:

To honour the fallen since last time.

U.S. (Mich, Fla (4), Utah, La (2), NY,
        Ind, Minn, SC, Mass, Cali (2), Ariz,
        Wis, Tex (2), NH, Alab, Va)
Spain (2)

Note: Canadian and US photos

Yes... I have mentioned this song on the blog before, here.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Boobs or nipples?

I don't know much about anything. I know a little bit about a lot of things? To simplify, I know what I like and I know what I don't. I also know what is inherently weird. Where am I going with this? I knew that cars could have bras, but ... what I didn't know is that cars could have boobs. Or .. are these nipples? Either way... just ... weird. Apparently this is a late 60s Oldsmobile. It is a boat... it is orange... it has boobs. Interesting thing about this vehicle is that the passenger seat swivelled around so that the person in the front could turn around to face the people in the back seat.  I would hazard a guess that someone modified the heck out of the monster to make it so, but I do not know.

Funny thing I didn't notice until I looked closer at a picture of the complete vehicle is that I can sort of make out the beginnings of the boxier shape in the window frame akin to the Olds I remember from the 80s.

Hmm.... I was just thinking about some of the posts I have done and that perhaps I should clarify. I am not a car person or biker chick or outdoorsy type. Heck... there are a lot of things that I am not, but there are plenty of things that I find interesting, and can appreciate, simply for being what they are. I may not particularly like this orange boat of a car, but there is still something about it that captured my attention, other than its godawful colour.

99 years old young?

Noticed this earlier tonight. Kind of a sweet story.

Hot summer night...

Fresh out of the shower
Bare skin
Crisp cool white cotton sheets

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Shiny Happy People

Yes... I have been in a funk of sorts ... as of late... again. In personal correspondence I have referred to these funks as ... "crapfests", so since it is rather obvious, I figure I might as well share that tidbit of terminology here as well. No explanation is really needed. It is as it sounds. Anyways...  I have mentioned before on the blog that I am not one of those Shiny Happy People.  However, that is not to say that I walk around all day in a dark cloud, but ... I do have the occasional bad day.  And... just because I do not want to wake up in the morning, does not mean that I am not a morning person. In being in bed, I wish to stay there, but once I am out of it, I am good to go... sort of. I don't need coffee or much else to get "up", I just need to put my mind in the right place... which is where I have been struggling for the past year and a bit. To get up, to get going, to get out has been somewhat of a ... mental chore. Not sleeping had been a huge issue before, but that has at least improved for the most part. The other big thing is that I have to figure out what I am going to do now, but like two months ago.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011


Sunsets here are very much like sunrises.... from the first ray of light peeking out above the mountains in the East to the last ray of light struggling to hold on before it slips behind the mountains in the West.

"Sunset to me is the time of quiet reflection... the time to exhale... the time to shed cares and worries, to let them wash away with the fading light of day. It is the time to breathe in the possibility of dreams ahead and not be weighted down by those that may not come."  (From Sunrise or Sunset.)

I don't quite know what it is in particular, but I think that Sunrise signifies the beginning of a battle, whereas Sunset indicates that I have made it through another day. It is funny then that although sunset signals the ending, it is the time when I feel a whisper of the breath of life. It is the time of quiet passing, leading to that elusive dream of rest and sleep. To sleep, to dream, to die, as quietly as I lived.

The song Narrow Daylight came to mind as I was trying to figure out what exactly I wanted to say and where my mind was at. I have mentioned it before.

(Apologies as the audio quality on the link I found sucks.)