Greetings from Spockgirl Musings, where logic rules, but the frailties of
human nature, genetic inadequacies and hormonal imbalances wreak havoc.

Saturday, April 12, 2014


Yesterday I rediscovered why I did not like seafood when I was a little kid.

One word....


I've never had them before. 

It doesn't matter how thin you slice them or how much you smother them in salt and spicy Korean goodness. It doesn't matter. It is that distinct, intense, fishness that threw me off then, and anchovies are... well... the epitome of fishness.

The funny thing is that I remember liking the taste of dried squid. It came in a small plastic candy-sized bag. It was salty, but not too salty, a little bit chewy, and rather stringy. But... it wasn't too... fishy, for lack of a better word. This was brought back to mind yesterday as well. The nice Korean lady who owns the Japanese restaurant always gives us extra things to try, like homemade Kimchi, sliced sesame fishcake things, and variety of sweet-savoury smelly Korean pickles. One of the first small dishes she brought out was... squid... Like the dried squid I remember, soaked in a sweet and salty sauce... and it was good. The second dish was the aforementioned anchovies, a little deceiving as it looked almost the same. Gah!

Sand in my eyes...

... and I wasn't the only one...

(I cannot blame Metallica for this one... Well... maybe I could...)

Monday, April 7, 2014


I met my new nephew for the first time yesterday. He is almost nine months old. It has been a long time since I have been that kind of happy holding a baby.


I received a treasure last night. Some personal belongings and family pictures which I did not know existed. She had even kept a couple notes that I had written her when I was a kid. With those notes, was... a Christmas card... that she had written to me before she died, but had not sent. There was also a card with a message from another aunt who I have not seen in probably over ten years now. Gifts. Gifts with tears.


So tonight, again, questioning my existence, I reflect on these gifts, and wrote this.

Black and white pictures
Memories hidden away
Trickling from a box
Who are these people
Trapped in time and tucked away
Waiting to be found
Vaguely familiar
Yet images of strangers
Perhaps I know them
Is that my mother
I do not recognize her
From a time long past
I want to know them
What place in our family
Fading history

Wednesday, April 2, 2014


... I used to do this...

Picture a little kid not even as tall as the kitchen counter, with arms outstretched... saying...  

A moment...

Today I had a moment where it felt as though I was separated from my brain. I was walking home on the old highway, crossing a side street, when I caught myself in that moment where my brain was completely empty of thought. In the split second following, I realized that I could have absentmindedly walked the wrong way. It has happened before, but it is a whole other situation when it happens as you are standing alone in the kitchen compared to walking along a busy stretch of road. I would like to think that I would have the wherewithal to catch myself before doing something so uncharacter-istically brainless, but it makes me wonder.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

I miss my cat...

(via a blogger buddy on FB)

Monday, March 31, 2014

A couple seconds more and...

I almost forgot about this...
On Saturday, I decided to splurge on pizza. It was just a personal size, but instead of my cheap standard "just cheese", I went with the new Nacho flavour with a thin crust. But pizza is not what this is about. I ordered it by phone, looked at the clock and figured I would leave at 7:05. I ran about a minute or two over, so I walked rather briskly up the street towards the pizza establishment. As I was hurrying along, I heard a small "splat"... and stopped in my tracks to see that the "splat" was bird poop hitting the ground a few inches in front of me. I felt my hair to make sure that none had made contact and breathed a sigh of relief. If I had been but a second or two earlier, that would have landed square on my head instead of on the ground before my foot.
Fast forward to today when I was putting on the same boots, when I got outside into the sunlight, I noticed something white on the toe of my right boot. I tried to scrape it off with the other boot, but it did not want to budge. Yes, that's how close it had been.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Wednesday, March 26, 2014


Heck, I went so far outside my comfort zone that "awkward and uncomfortable" became my new normal.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Happy Birthday

To  my favourite Irishman with whom I share a birthday.

Monday, March 24, 2014

Face the music...

I fear that this emptiness will never be filled and that it will remain a cold, dark void until I die. The interests and miscellaneous activities that used to fill the time and space of my life are no longer, and thus the void expands. Of course there is yet a faint glimmer of hope, the possibility that something exists, but it is a vague thought, abstract and distant.

I wrote that last night.

What gives rise to such thoughts yet again? Two things... That damn glimmer of hope is one of them. The other?  A situation which makes me question my abilities, feeds the feeling of inadequacy, and at the end of the day makes me feel like crap. 

This morning I felt torn. I still do. I have a day off from work. I always go in to do a little extra work on my day off. I'm being eaten away by the nibbling dread.