I realize that I have been too long away from here. I also realize that I have been too long away from this thing called "Life". It would be easier to say that life just got busy, but it has not. It hasn't gotten harder either. It is just... the same as it has been. I think the best way to describe it would be... I forgot. I forgot what day it was. I forgot who I was. I forgot what you are supposed to do. I remembered the little things, like waking up, going to the bathroom, brushing my teeth, eating and having a shower. But what happens when those little things become the big things?
So what did I do when the nothing became somewhat overwhelming? I did Spider Solitaire. I did Sudoku. Sudoku became too difficult at times, so Spider Solitaire it was. I went on Facebook. I'd watch clips. Not full videos... clips... Because my attention span, which in my entire life has been long and patient, is now almost non-existent, unless of course I digress to living dead girl, the barely alive, half-comatose creature that can walk a kilometre in a daze, and not realize what distance has been covered.
So tonight, after trying to do the Sudoku, playing Spider Solitaire, watching episodes of "Say yes to the dress", I signed on to my blog, which I haven't done for quite some time apparently. I went to look at "Stats", and didn't really look, just clicked on the first "traffic source" which happened to be a real blog. I read it. It was a kindred spirit. A non-lifer. Although I have to admit, it would seem he actually has "a life", as he has a spouse, and probably has kids too, which is one or more ahead of me in the life department. From there, I clicked on something, I can't remember what it was now. And then clicked on an old blog that I recognized and used to read. And he had a link to an older post, which seems oddly fitting for where I am right now too. Not necessarily the content of the post, but the feel of it.
So why did I start the blog? It was eight years ago already... I know I was lost. I know I became more lost, but at the same time also managed to find more of me somehow. I thought I didn't know what I was doing then, but now? I know that I don't know what I am doing, or what I am going to do, who I am, or what the point is. I don't know anything, and this has me worried.