Friday, October 12, 2018
Friday, September 28, 2018
Walking to dad's this evening, a song drifted into my head, and I started singing quietly to myself. "Tin can at my feet, I think I'll kick it down the street. That's no way to treat a friend. Bright before me the signs implore me, help the needy and show them the way. Human kindness is overflowing, and I think it's going to rain today."
Friday, September 21, 2018
Walking home tonight, rather glad it was already dark, as small tears began to well up in my eyes, with the permeating thought, "I don't think I can do this." Immediately following that, I then wondered... should it be, "I don't think I can do this on my own." I realized shortly thereafter that there is a very fine line between those two sentences.
Thursday, September 6, 2018
Wednesday, August 29, 2018
... tonight a song popped up in the fast food joint I was at with my sister, and we both knew said song, or at least were both familiar with it. She insisted that she had heard it on a mix-tape made by one of her friends in middle school, which would date it to the mid-70s. I said... um... it was from Foreigner "4", from the early 80s... I said "You can google it." So she did as we were sitting there. She could have sworn that it was on that tape. I remember that I actually had that album.. maybe even on vinyl...
Oh... so... when I went to google the song to look for a link, I also looked quickly at the wiki article... and whose name did I see as a member of Foreigner? Something I did not know... Thomas Dolby... on synth... I had actually seen him in concert when he went solo. Go figure... He was actually the opening act for these guys...
Saturday, August 25, 2018
Saturday, July 21, 2018
I realize that I have been too long away from here. I also realize that I have been too long away from this thing called "Life". It would be easier to say that life just got busy, but it has not. It hasn't gotten harder either. It is just... the same as it has been. I think the best way to describe it would be... I forgot. I forgot what day it was. I forgot who I was. I forgot what you are supposed to do. I remembered the little things, like waking up, going to the bathroom, brushing my teeth, eating and having a shower. But what happens when those little things become the big things?
So what did I do when the nothing became somewhat overwhelming? I did Spider Solitaire. I did Sudoku. Sudoku became too difficult at times, so Spider Solitaire it was. I went on Facebook. I'd watch clips. Not full videos... clips... Because my attention span, which in my entire life has been long and patient, is now almost non-existent, unless of course I digress to living dead girl, the barely alive, half-comatose creature that can walk a kilometre in a daze, and not realize what distance has been covered.
So tonight, after trying to do the Sudoku, playing Spider Solitaire, watching episodes of "Say yes to the dress", I signed on to my blog, which I haven't done for quite some time apparently. I went to look at "Stats", and didn't really look, just clicked on the first "traffic source" which happened to be a real blog. I read it. It was a kindred spirit. A non-lifer. Although I have to admit, it would seem he actually has "a life", as he has a spouse, and probably has kids too, which is one or more ahead of me in the life department. From there, I clicked on something, I can't remember what it was now. And then clicked on an old blog that I recognized and used to read. And he had a link to an older post, which seems oddly fitting for where I am right now too. Not necessarily the content of the post, but the feel of it.
So why did I start the blog? It was eight years ago already... I know I was lost. I know I became more lost, but at the same time also managed to find more of me somehow. I thought I didn't know what I was doing then, but now? I know that I don't know what I am doing, or what I am going to do, who I am, or what the point is. I don't know anything, and this has me worried.
Thursday, May 10, 2018
Monday, April 9, 2018
Tuesday, March 27, 2018
Saturday, March 17, 2018
The half century mark of my life proved to be uneventful to say the least, and the year ended on a somewhat anti-climactic note, recovering after the open-heart surgery near the end of September, and spending Christmas visiting dad in hospital out of town. Life is funny that way, but I must acknowledge that if anything worked out, it was the timing of it all. I recovered well enough to shovel snow when it fell, and did it ever in a short period of time. I recovered well enough to be able to walk to the hospital to see dad when he was back in town. The other thing? My niece made it home for the holidays and got to see her Grandpa whilst she was here. As for life being funny, dad had made it back to the hospital at home after the new year, but passed away unexpectedly in January. The last thing I said to him? "I'll see you tomorrow dad." He died the next morning, before I got there.
As far as timing goes, I had three part-time jobs last year, with the third one having come up out of the blue, and ending in time before the surgery. I was, and still am, trying to figure out what I am going to do with my life, which I had to do when I turned 40, and yet again at 50... but hey... I'm still alive... Speaking of alive... I've been hanging out here since March 7, 2010, so I just passed my eight year blogiversary. I haven't posted anything for over a month, but ... I'm still alive... I had my passport renewed a few years ago, after having not been anywhere for over 20 years I still haven't gone anywhere. I was supposed to make use of it last year, however that didn't quite work out, but... I'm still alive...
I don't know anything, but I will get that damn passport stamped this year. (Oh, but of course, that will most likely be after we sort through the over 53 years of accumulated life memories and belongings in dad's house.)
Friday, February 2, 2018
Sunday, December 31, 2017
Friday, November 10, 2017
I had entertained the idea of Twitter before, albeit briefly, as if it were some crazy far off thing to do, but now I wonder if it is simply the natural progression, as blogs died off, the consequence of people switching to Facebook to write short posts, or to share inspirational quotes or stupid memes, and then ultimately fake news, subsequently heading to Twitter to say something quicker and perhaps snarkier, from behind the gilded case of their Iphone. As blog posts became shorter and shorter, or simply became the sharing of a video here and there, and it became increasingly difficult to formulate a complete thought, let alone write it down and elaborate upon it, was this the point to which we digressed?
I don't know. I just don't know.
Monday, October 30, 2017
I think Blogger should hire someone, because a "bot" "can" make mistakes, to go to, find, and remove to a trash receptacle, and subsequently delete, all the bogus "blogs" out there, making use of the "blogspot.com" addresses. The "I am not a robot." they added for commenting on posts clearly does not help any longer, so the only solution would be having a human to do so.
Oh.... and the concept of "bots"? I don't really need to have 100 visitors from Russia all because some stupid "bot" saw the word "boobs" somewhere on my blog and chose to link to it. I think that is how it works anyway. End rant.
(Yes, apparently I do have too much time on my hands at present.)
Saturday, October 28, 2017
You see them quite often... these "life hack" videos... Well, my life hack? Sanitary pads. I had a box of gauze and box of the three inch tape on hand when I started. I had had the lower leg and thigh staples taken out the required time after surgery, and less than a week later, there was seepage on the bottom and leakage on the top. I am so glad that I had the gauze and tape on hand from years and years ago, but I soon had to buy three more boxes of gauze pads. Turns out they don't make gauze pads all the same, or of the same thickness and absorbency... Sigh...
So... what does a peri-menopausal or menopausal chick do? Well... check what else is on hand of course... Sanitary pads of all shapes and sizes is what was to be had. Hmmm... can I use this? Can I cut this one and use both? Will this cover the leg wounds where needed? I used tape on each side, which worked well, but what I found is that the mini-pads were the perfect width and length... and... I could use one whole piece of the three inch gauze tape to cover the part of the pad that needed to be held in place. Sanitary, super-absorbent, sticky = perfect. I wish I had thought of it that third week.
I am now just past my five week anniversary of surgery, and there is still some slight leakage and weeping of both a little blood and fluid, but the swelling on the foot and leg is down to almost nothing. Almost. I DID go out and walk to the store and back on my own this past week, which was wobbly, but still... Feeling more steady as I go.
The funny thing is that I tend to have overlooked the fact that I had open heart surgery. The leg has been more troublesome. This may however be due to the fact that prior to this surgery, I walked everywhere, and that has had a huge impact on me during this time, not being able to just get out and walk anywhere. That of course, and not being able to fit my swollen foot into shoes or boots.
Oh... and soon I will have to figure out what I am going to do with my life. Again.
I turned fifty this year. Yay me!
Tuesday, October 24, 2017
Sunday, October 22, 2017
I realize that it is a little too late in life to have something "normal", and besides, it wasn't something I was looking for in the first place. I suppose that having a touch of normal would have been nice at some point, but here I sit in the quiet, cold, still aloneness, as I have for so many years before, absorbing the meaningless nature of it all...