Library revisited...

I have to say that there was much more to this post in regards to the way my mind and my memory work, but for some reason I thought that the second part didn't flow properly with the first, and so... I held onto it a bit longer. I read it over a few times and am not quite sure why I hesitated in the first place. So, here is the continuation.

In pondering this a little more... I liken my childhood to many sheets of paper. I drew on those pieces of paper... I used waxed crayons, pencil crayons, watercolour paints, pastels and pencils. At any time, one sheet of paper with a drawing on it might get lost in the shuffle of life... tucked away in a book, or simply thrown out in the trash because it wasn’t worth keeping. Those sheets of paper... those moments... those memories... are gone, but the essence of their creation is who I am.

But wait...  I wonder where is the emotion? Where are the feelings generated from those moments? I cannot say for certain, as I do not remember, but obviously something would have been felt at the time. In this regard I would say that, as I noted above, “my memory functions solely out of necessity.” Any feeling or emotion that may have been evoked was present at the time, but did not need to exist much farther beyond that point. The emotion or feeling has long since faded, and to have held on to that feeling would have been redundant, or counter-productive.

But... now... that leads me to the present, and my inability to move forward, in which case I return to the library scenario. What would a library in chaos look like? Ah... a normal person might immediately picture books strewn about the floor, on tables, upside down, flipped open... a complete mess. Me.. on the otherhand, I see a librarian with Albert Einstein hair, being in utter dismay after having come to the slow realization that the card catalogue is in complete and utter disarray... and now must be put back in order... in addition to the books strewn about all over the place.