Greetings from Spockgirl Musings, where logic rules, but the frailties of
human nature, genetic inadequacies and hormonal imbalances wreak havoc.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

I've been here before...

Why in the hell am I not sleeping? It is after 4:30AM and my eyes are tired and I need to sleep. Then it hit me...  Perhaps I am not sleeping because I don't want to wake up.

I am so screwed.


I was somewhat motivated to start working on the daunting task of the chaos that is the dining room/misc/office space, but for whatever reason, somehow managed to begin with the tv room/second bedroom instead. Needless to say, I didn't get very far. Anyways, I have a couple stacks and a couple boxes of CDs that are in the "get rid of" category, and tonight I thought I'd give a listen to something from one of those stacks while I was in cleaning mode. I popped in one of them on which there are no songs that I clearly remember, but a tune did catch my ear. I continued on sorting through some more crap, but gave up shortly thereafter, discouraged by the enormity of the massive mess. I finally ended up going agoogling for a link to that song, of which there were a few, but how could I resist this one. It provided a much needed laugh.

For some reason, part of the tune reminded me of a song from way back which I had to jostle my noggin just a tad to figure out which one it was. If you listen carefully, you might be able to hear why. Funny that it is from the same year as a song I mentioned in a post a couple days ago, and the titles to the two songs are rather closely related.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

That damn wall...

Not really a fan of the Dave Matthews Band, but this remix on the Matrix Reloaded soundtrack hit me hard (I don't know why) when I heard it the first time, and came back to me tonight as I hit a wall ... again. That damned "what's the point of it all" wall.

Monday, November 28, 2011

A penny for your thoughts...

Presence (by Isabel Ecclestone Mackay)

BY a sense of Presence, keenly dear
I, who thought her distant,
Knew her near.

By an echo that most sweetly woke,
I, long keyed to silence,
Knew she spoke.

By her nearness and the word she said,
I, who thought her living,
Knew her dead.

Isabel Ecclestone Mackay (1875 - 1928) 
is a Canadian writer I came across last year in a book of poetry I mentioned here. I distinctly remember a poem of hers called "Halloween", but was not able to find it online, although there were a couple sites with several of her other works. When I had gone looking for that particular one, I came across the above and had saved it, not knowing quite how it fit in with my life, until earlier today  ... when I found a penny.

After mom died, when I was tidying up stuff around the house, I found a penny. Then when I went to do something else, I found another. Not with other coins, just single pennies mixed in with miscellaneous matter. This happened on at least four or five different occasions in a year or so. Two years later I moved to my house, and in the years since, after I had settled in, I would be tidying up and found a penny at least three times. Today, when I was cleaning up the living room, I found a penny at the bottom of a basket. I know for damn sure I didn't put it there. I do know that there were times when I may have been in need of guidance, or something along those lines, and that finding a penny felt like an assurance of sorts. Lately, I have actually found myself asking for guidance, perhaps even a prayer for assurance... and... I found a penny.

Sunday, November 27, 2011


Who... me? Sounds like fun.

"The best of excuses are those that are plausible (so, not ones that involve you, super-powers and hordes of sexy friends). Your tendencies may land you in trouble today. Do you have any idea what you're letting yourself in for? Boy, I'm sure glad I'm not you."

From Laughsend.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

I have no idea...

why... oh why... this song entered my mind. 

Warning:  1979.  I fear the things that will come flooding back from the past now. Hot pink, shoulder pads... shudder.

I'm a lemon...


You Are a Lemon

You have a very distinct personality. And if you're not being sweet, you're a little hard to take.

You're a bit overpowering, especially in one on one situations.

And while you are very dominant, sometimes your power is needed and appreciated.

You can liven up a dull situation, and you definitely bring a fresh outlook.

You are a bit of an acquired taste, and you tend to grow on people over time.

People feel refreshed and rejuvenated after spending time with you.

Friday, November 25, 2011


The photo is one I took this summer and the words are from another Love Cookie I cracked open. After all of those thoughts and words that were finally able to spill out (three whole posts in a day), it would seem that my brain is still actually functioning. It came to mind that I had the perfect picture to blend with this quote. I had hoped to modify the original to a lavender colour, but that didn't work, so I headed towards black and white, and opted for this faded out tone instead.

A dead end...

Yesterday was cold, wet... dreary. I made myself go for a walk. Wool coat, hat, long boots, umbrella... four layers of clothes. Never needed that much before. I get cold now at my advancing age. The wet cold seeps through my fatty tissue right to the bone. It was pithy outside. As I was walking down the street, I could feel sadness welling up in my eyes. I don't know why. But whatever it was, I made it go away. Definitely something wrong to find me weeping in the middle of the sidewalk. These momentary lapses are disconcerting to say the least. In the quiet, cold, alone, stillness of home they are perhaps slightly more understandable, but not at all rationally acceptable.

If my life is empty... if I am empty... it is my own doing, my own inaction. It was my willingness to let things be as they were, but I still believe that that is just the way it was meant to be. I am not one to force things to happen, to be false, or to fake myself into situations. That is not to say that I didn't fit in, or didn't try to assimilate, it was just that in whatever places I was in, very rarely did it feel like it was a place I should be. Sometimes I was ignored, occasionally invisible. I think for the most part, I was fine with that. It seems like a lifetime ago. Heck, it was a lifetime ago, as lifetimes go. In retrospect, was there anything that I would have changed, or could have changed to make my life more complete, more full?  I don't believe so. I honestly don't believe there were any circumstances or situations  that arose with people or events wherein my life would have been drastically changed, or for that matter, even minutely changed. This is part and parcel of why I struggle now. Sure, ultimately it is me... I who have the power to change my life, but what change, and to what end?


I heard it from the other room. The gentle slide and soft splat of papers and other miscellany falling to the kitchen floor. For a moment I wondered what it was, but then I knew. I had walked past it the other day and had thought to myself that it might slide off. I had straightened the basket of paid bills and whatnot sitting on the top of the stepping stool and had thought it should be fine. I came back into the kitchen and it was as I had imagined... everything had spilled out onto the floor. You figure I might swear or lightly curse or be upset... but nothing. I slid to the floor just as the papers did. I slowly collected them and put them back in their place, checking and rechecking to make sure it wouldn't fall again. As I write this, I feel limp. I have gone into wet noodle mode.  I am reminded of a line from the movie "Moonstruck" in which the main character, played by Cher, emphatically states to Nicolas Cage, "Snap out of it!".  Would that it were that easy. Like I said... wet noodle.

The quiet storm...

I've been wondering if I should have tried harder to have an actual life, instead of just living for my job all those years. Honestly? I don't think so. That was who I was. I worked, sometimes long hours. I  played as much as I could ... I did my sports on the side, I went to concerts here and there. Went shopping in the city. It was good. Or was it just good enough? I was in a groove... at work. But... at some point that groove became a rut and I ended up spinning my wheels just to keep up. I actually had clients point out how wiped I looked near the end. Funny that I wasn't really scared when my life as I knew it ended. I had an idea of what I wanted to do next, and it didn't take me too long to determine how to go about it. I had to push for some things, others just fell into place. I actually pursued something for the first time in my life ... not necessarily a dream, but a risky venture. Risky because I knew I wouldn't be able to hack it on my own eventually, but, even knowing this, I did it anyways. When I was settled into the new digs, I had comments from prior office clients of how much less tired I looked. They could see it in my eyes. I think for the first time in my life, I savoured time itself. Sure, I had wasted what I had worked all those years for, but I was more relaxed, less stressed. However, regardless of the fact that I accomplished what I set out to do, ultimately, I failed. I accepted that. I just haven't been able to move forward. I may have even taken steps backwards. I struggle with myself. I fail to see the point in continuing. I need something to charge head first into. I need something to look forward to other than just paying the bills and buying food. There is no physical impediment. It is just me.. my weakness... my inability. The quiet storm rages on... and it ... rains.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

... and again...

To honour the fallen since last time:

U.S. (Iowa, Mich, Cali (2), Illi, Ka, Fla (2), Ariz, NC)
U.K. (4)

The other day I came across something that brought a tear to my eye.

I'm not particularly religious, but I think a small prayer to those missing loved ones is in order.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Speaking of missing things...

I've had a favourte song on the sidebar since almost the beginning of the blog, "I Miss You" by Incubus. I never missed anyone in particular, I just loved the song. 


And then, when I went looking for other links, I found a rather catchy song that I'd never heard before by Blink 182, a band I never really paid much attention to. I think I might know only one or two of their songs. This one actually has an 80s feel to it.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011


... was I getting all warm and fuzzy like in that previous post? Mayhaps. I have been thinking lately along the lines of a wood-burning fireplace... or a big comfy slouchy floopy sofa with a cuddly fluffy blanket. Things I never had and ... never needed... until I got old.

'tis a mystery....

How is it that I can miss things I've never had? 

Monday, November 21, 2011

Back in the saddle again...

(No... not really, but sort of.)

I went to bed sometime between 2:30 and 3. Not sure how long it took to fall asleep, but when I woke up and checked the time, it was 6:08. It was still dark out, and cold, so I fully intended on going back to bed. I had previously entertained the idea of going swimming for the first time in several months and had spoken of this with nephew last week. After partiallly getting up and reaching over to check the time on the cell phone, I snuggled back under the covers and... five minutes later, the phone rang. 6:13AM... Monday morning. I told him I had only had a couple hours of sleep, I didn't think I could make it. The sound on the other end was of quiet resignation and disappointment, so I caved. Got washed up and ready. It was cold outside. Got to the pool and damn the water was cold. Did a couple lengths and retired to the kiddie pool, knowing it would be warmer, and taking into consideration that if I went into the hot tub, I probably wouldn't want to get out and back into the big pool. I heard someone say, as I was traversing the hazards of the wave pool (that would be... none) that it had started snowing. Hmmm...  I did end up doing a few more laps, but not much. I am sooooo out of shape.   All in all, I ended up only doing 15 lengths. But it was still something. Surprisingly though, it wasn't that much of an effort to drag my ass out of bed this morning. I think it was knowing the reward of the hot tub awaited, and the distinct possibility of going to McDonalds afterwards.

Mmm... Sausage McMuffin, Hashbrown, Cappucino and a Bran Muffin with butter. The snow was still falling and I was still hungry, but... I was warm and it was good.

(As I sit here typing, I can almost taste the orange juice that I didn't have. Oh, how I miss it.)

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Sunday Love Cookie

Still lacking in thoughts and words, so I figured I would crack open another love cookie.

"Love can heal any dying soul."

Sure, sounds all well and good, but I would change that to "A hot piece of fried chicken"... or ..."Bacon". They were both very helpful as a temporary fix... and I was treated too. 

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Speaking of respect...

Further to a post I did the other day, "Respect", today I was catching up on some blogs that I hadn't visited for a while and found this. It made me smile. (I like how the video title says "attacks" tourist.)


Curtsy to Ryan over at Scotland Here and Now.

Oh... and speaking of respect, there was this little gem that I had linked to last year but I think it was before I had started posting videos. It definitely deserves a revisit. (Curtsy to The Borderline Sociopathic Blog for Boys for the nudge to my noggin.)

YouTubeLink. (Views 539,198)

Still brings a tear to my eye.

It didn't last very long...

I went outside to bring the garbage can in from the curbside and saw it. Floating down from the heavens, a big white fluffy Charlie Brown snowflake. My eyes went as big as a Japanese Anime character and I smiled. It lasted for a few hours, but soon the fluffy turned wet, the snow to rain.


I took a bite into the light fluffy chocolate cake goodness with cream filling and closed my eyes. In that moment, all the world fell away.


Later in the evening, I was getting the carton of milk from the fridge and saw a flash of light. I thought it odd for there to be a reflection like that, but in the next moment there was a rumble of thunder. I'll have to check outside tomorrow, as that lightning flash seemed as though it had come right through the window. Odd though that there was only the one thunder roll and then it was gone.


Earlier, I had a great thought... a brilliant idea... something to write about... Mental incontinuity.


If you didn't get it, read the title to the post again.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

I've got you under my skin...

I've had a song in my head for a few days, so I went to look for a link to post and came across a version that I couldn't resist taking a boo at.  It is a beautiful song, and I have to say that it has been mutilated, but what the heck... it's the Muppets.

Oh... and then...  I found something else. I wasn't too sure how it would play out, but I like the blend...  a cover by Seether.

This is the one I was thinking of.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011


So it bothered me. I prefer to stand alone and to the back. That is just my way. The only problem is that in a wide open space, in a public park, open space is fair game. A tall elderly gentleman, a veteran by appearance and bearing, had found a place to stand beneath the cover of a tall tree. I was on the opposite side of the sidewalk, under the protection of the same tree. Some people gathered behind me and to the right, and began idle chit-chat. It was raining heavily. The man who had initiated the conversation behind me did not stop. As the parade approached, the bagpipers leading the way, he kept talking, and it bothered me. I moved out slightly from the cover of the tree to stand next to a lamppost. I could still hear him talking. He didn't stop talking until after the bagpipes had stopped. So it bugged me, the little hard-ass that I am.

I wouldn't have written anything about this, except that today in checking out some blogs that I hadn't read in quite some time, I saw this gem. Thank you Soldier, for being who you are and doing what you do.  (Thank you D for bringing that to my attention.)

YouTubeLink. (Views 6,651)

From Castra Praetoria.

Monday, November 14, 2011

What planet should I rule?

Considering that "contemplating destroying the universe" was in my cards the other day, when I came across this quiz, I figured I'd give it a go. 

You Should Rule Saturn

Saturn is a mysterious planet that can rarely be seen with the naked eye.

You are perfect to rule Saturn because like its rings, you don't always follow the rules of nature.

And like Saturn, to really be able to understand you, someone must delve beyond your appearance.

You are not an easy person to befriend. However, once you enter a friendship, you'll be a friend for life.

You think slowly but deeply. You only gain great understanding after a situation has passed.

Slight understatement...

"You need to get out there and do things -- it almost doesn't matter what (though you should keep it legal). Your energy is a little down for now, but it's not good for you to keep it that way."

Oh... golly gee... maybe just a little. And... duh.

Sunday, November 13, 2011


Beauty before me that
cannot quite be captured,
nor translated.

Light my way...


Never before had much need for comfort and guidance. Could sure use some now. Definitely broken.

Saturday, November 12, 2011


Further to this picture I posted the other day, I now offer this:

You have to admit that even if my boot is Size 6, that is one damn big leaf.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Cold and wet...

After attending the Remembrance Day service this morning, I walked home not realizing how wet I was. I knew I was getting wet and was very cold, but I hadn't really thought about the extent of the wetness, standing there in the pouring rain, thoughts drifting to the soldiers in the mud and blood filled trenches during the Great War. The list of the Legion members who had passed since last year's service was much shorter this year, and the service seemed longer. Only an hour in the rain, but when I got home, my fleece hat was soaked, as was my trenchcoat, fleece sweater and long-sleeved t-shirt underneath. Lets just say that I was literally soaked to the bone. Of course though, I had the luxury of coming home, peeling off those wet layers and changing into dry clothes. I went out to grab a hot lunch at Dairy Queen, sat across the booth from the nephew, with his surly attitude and scowl, also drenched from attending the service. At least I was able to get him to talk about something. Also had a nice chat with Grandpa B, which, according to the nephew was... boring.  The only thing that would have made this cold, dreary day more typically Canadian would be if I had had ice cream.

When I got home and finished checking emails, I noticed an interesting link to WWII Veteran stories here, and from there, went to take a look at The Memory Project, where you can listen to WWII and Korean War Veterans themselves relate their war-time memories.  Lest ye forget.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Lest Ye Forget...

... those who fought, served and sacrificed for our country so that we may be the people we are today.

And to honour the fallen since last time:

U.S. (Tex (3), Okla (2), Cali (2), Ill, Conn, NC, NJ, Alab)
UK (2)
Australia (3)

Reposted from here.

In a Lonely Place...

Tonight, this song spoke to me. (Warning: It is very long and depressing.) I did not know until today that it is a cover of a song by Joy Division.  I did know that that band became New Order, but I did not know it was after their frontman had committed suicide.


lacking in the thought, word and living of life departments. Still lost. Still broken. And lately, I have found myself floating again. And by floating, I don't mean the happy, cloud nine type floating.  It is more like walking around in a gray cloud... literally. No thoughts, no wants, no desires, no dreams... nothing. I can't even focus enough to play Tetris or do Sudoku. I have been able to get three, maybe even four hours of straight sleep in, but I find I'm starting to wear thin. I look tired, I look old. I feel old.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Please, please, please...

let me, let me, let me... let me.... get what I want... this time...  (the Smiths from way back in... 1984)  How did I end up here? That is a loaded question, or at least a double-sided one. To the big question, I just don't know. To the other one, it was another musical memory tour prompted by a comment on the blog the other day

It was Bedbugs and Ballyhoo from 1987 that I was thinking of, but couldn't remember. Definitely the Doors influence in there. I didn't know, or perhaps I had just forgotten, that Ray Manzarek, the keyboardist for the Doors actually worked with Echo and the Bunnymen at some point.

In my quest to find it, I found another one by them as well, that I had completely forgotten about... almost... Bring on the Dancing Horses. (Warning: Don't go to that link.)

And then... during that search, I came across the song to which the beginning of this post refers, which, oddly enough, seems to capture this time of my life quite well. Except for that most critical little niggly tidbit... that I don't quite know what I want. I'd pretty much settle for nothing else going wrong.

OH... and as much as I love these guys, there was something I noticed by them on the sidebar... Why, oh why did they do this when they are responsible for perhaps the finest cover of one of the best 80s songs, that may very well exceed the original.


YouTubeLink (Views 85,833)

From Noahware. (There's another video posted.)

Monday, November 7, 2011

Contemplating destroying the universe...

When trying to take the top off a bottle of paracetamol, you may find yourself contemplating destroying the universe. Take your time over getting where you're going today. You're only going to have shitty things happen when you get there.

Isn't that just the way...

So, this brings up an interesting observation regarding the strange way my brain works. I remember the first time I heard the word "Paracetamol", was when I heard a song by the Brit band, Bush. I specifically remember looking it up and finding out that its equivalent in Canada is Acetaminophen = Tylenol. As my memory was jostled on this tidbit today, I then went looking for some of their songs online. Not that I had forgotten them, but that they had sort of simply been sent to a cupboard in my head. Well... some cool songs there were. So then it came back to me that I actually saw them in concert. I don't remember much of anything about it except that the guy I took with me didn't know anything about them. However, he heard one song and knew instantly that he had heard it before... somewhere... It was a commonly played tune at Canucks games. Go figure. (I don't recall which song it was, nor if it was just played before televised games or live ones.)

Another song of theirs on the CD Sixteen Stone, was also on a great soundtrack to the movie, Tank Girl, a rather cheesy, yet quirky comic book adaptation.  I had sort of forgotten how much I liked that soundtrack. Yeah, I prefer soundtrack over movie, but for some reason, I have the movie on VHS and DVD. Why? I have no clue.

Anyways, the song that caught my ear today (and probably way back when) was Machinehead.

Better quality link that I couldn't embed.

They also did an album of remixes with a techno twist (which of course I liked), of which the one that stands out is Mouth.

So that was what came out of one word in a wacky horoscope.

Happy Monday!

I had a feeling that I had posted here before about one of the songs I listened to tonight. Somehow it seems to fit the mood spilling over from last week, so here it is again.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Pushing Forward Back...

I was just thinking that that was weird. I wrote something a little personal last night and when I posted it, the time was 1:44. I know at some point after that I started writing another post and when I looked at the time, it was 1:33. I knew that we were falling back at 2AM, but it still seemed strange to see that. If I had finished writing it and had posted it at that time, what I had written second would have ended up being posted first.

Funny that the reason a certain song came to mind this morning had nothing to do with the time change, but now that I think about it, it deserves a "Hmmm"....  Pushing Forward Back. (by Temple of the Dog, fronted by Chris Cornell, singer for a band I've mentioned here before, Soundgarden.)

Seems an appropriate title for this chapter of my life. I just wish I could turn the damn page.

I'm hungry...

I've mentioned Comfort Food before, but lately I have just been thinking about food from which one, or at least I, can have a rapturous experience with.  Actually, lately I have found that I can have a rapturous experience eating salted soda crackers with a slice of swiss cheese, but ... whatever. Anyways, some of these I no longer have because of the havoc that can be wreaked upon my aging body, but every once in a while I sneak something in.

Croissant, buttered with raspberry jelly

Buttered Toast (white) dipped in real Hot Cocoa

Buttered Toast sprinkled with Cinnamon Sugar

Eggo Waffles with butter, peanut butter and maple syrup

Crepes with mom’s canned peaches and whipped cream


French bread, buttered

Orange Juice and cashews

Smoking hot Chili with a buttered crusty roll

Real Sugar full, Caffeine full Coke

Kentucky Fried Chicken

Swanson’s Turkey TV Dinner

Real Hamburger with lettuce, tomato, miracle whip, ketchup and raw onions

Juicy Steak with Baked Potato loaded with butter, sour cream, chives and bacon bits

I'm sure that more will come to me as I try to sleep.


Me? Yup. I'm scared of what the future holds for me. When I have written about the unknown before me and the nothing that is my life, the nothing that exists in this existence, I meant it. This is it.  I dared myself to do something different. I did it and I failed. In that failure, I dug myself a hole that I thought I couldn't get out of, but I somehow managed. The thing is that I slid back in, and this time I have lost the strength and confidence, perhaps even the faith that helped me out of it in the first place. I now find myself sitting at the bottom of the hole looking up, but I can no longer see the sky.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

What do these people learn in school?

I came across something that bugged me just now. (Watch the video at the link as well.)

(Oh... I added the three letters.)

What next?

My furnace was working. It had kicked in a couple times when the weather had started to get a little colder. Then it stopped working. It has happened before a couple times in previous years and one of the two heating "professionals" was able to get it working, but admitted that he didn't know the actual problem.  So this time, I contacted a building contractor that used to live here and asked if they could recommend someone who dealt particularly with furnace repairs and maintenance. I was provided with the company name, phone number and even the name of the woman who would probably answer the phone. I called, gave her my information and I got a call back later that day. I let her know that it would be fine if someone came when they had another call in the area, rather than making a special trip out. So on Wednesday I got a call from the repair guy wondering where the house was. He was in town. He had just driven right by. I thought someone was going to let me know ahead of time when he'd be here, but, I was just glad that I was home. We went down to the basement, he worked his magic, replaced the critical part, and the filter, which had become choked with dustbunny afterbirth since the last time I had checked it.

He was a good-looking young(er) dude, polite, and ... married. Damn. I know his father-in-law. Sort of makes me feel old(er).

So. The reason for this post isn't to do with the furnace, but today... I went to turn on the oven... and ... it isn't working. I was speechless. What next? What else can go wrong? I had held off getting the furnace repaired for as long as I could, saving a bit of money on the gas bill and the repair. Now this? On top of everything else that is not working out in my life. I actually almost cried.  But at least I could still use the stove to boil water.

Friday, November 4, 2011

I love...

There are very precious few things in this world that I would say that I "love", but as I mentioned in the previous post, perhaps "... it is simply because I place too much value on the actual word(s)?" But, if or when I say it, I'll mean it.

I love my country. I am proud of those who stand up and serve on her behalf.

YouTubeLink. (Views 1,745)
From The Crow's Song. This one as well. (Yeah, it made me cry.)

YouTubeLink. (Views 1,493)

Although troop withdrawal did begin this year, there is still a Canadian contingent over there.  And, we must not forget them and the sacrifices they continue to make.


Saved somewhere on the laptop I have something I started writing quite a while back called "Talk v Communication". I believe it began as an email that I never sent, and was going to adapt into a blogpost, but never did. My contention was/is that there is a distinct difference between "talking" and "communicating", but when brought up in discussion, my point was met with a quizzical expression on the other end. Same deal in a conversation with a different person regarding my opinion that there is a difference between "knowing" and "understanding". I know that I tend to look at things on a deeper level, but maybe it is simply because I place too much value on the actual words? I don't know. Anyways, the other night, in between Sudoku and looking at stuff online, I came across an interesting article regarding communication. More specifically, it related to a study of the use of certain small or seemingly insignificant but useful words in communications that reflect a person's personality. Apparently there is a book out, but you can read about the basic premise here.  It had this to say about the author:

"His earlier work found that keeping secrets can make people sick. This work led to his discovery that people could improve their physical and mental health by writing about their deepest secrets, which is now widely known as expressive writing. Most recently, he's become intrigued by how people reveal themselves in their everyday spoken and written language."


On Thursday Sep 22 2011 536pm I wrote this:

This morning when I woke up I had the idea of “Fundamental Me”... who I lost along the way. Just now, I thought of something .... sitting here freezing cold, in the darkening day, alone... The silent soul is the one that screams the loudest.

(On the site that I linked to there are even a few"exercises" to try, but I only did one of them.)

I wants it...

I needs it.
I just can't get any.


What were you thinking?

Hug me and I'll hit you...

I have shared my thoughts on hugs here before, so when I saw the headline to this today, of course I had to take a look. This guy was just so happy... You can see the joy on his face. I don't think he even noticed it wasn't a teammate until after he was smacked. He didn't care... he was still happy.

YouTubeLink. (Views 1,855,180)

When I came up with the title for this I had to laugh, because it reminded me that I had posted "Pinch me and I'll punch you." earlier this year.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

A dead corpse?

Still trying to figure out what I am going to do, what I can do, with my life. There is just nothing, absolutely nothing here. Nothing on the horizon, no bright star to guide me, nothing tangible or intangible to reach out to. There is nothing but the cold empty silence that greets me every morning and every night.  Sitting here, I had one clear thought enter my mind. My life is like drawing blood from a dead corpse.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011


Today, I came across two totally unrelated videos. On a blog I read regularly, there was a link to "I would do anything for love (but I won't do that)" by Meat Loaf. Go figure that I remember the song, but I didn't know, or couldn't recall, who sang it. I don't believe that I even saw the video before today, comsidering that I probably would have remembered the beauty and the beast theme if I had. Anyways, the other one was a wedding ceremony in which the bride does the unthinkable. I could not fathom doing that, even as a guest. I find it funny that I came across the two videos on the same day, and that although initially they seemed to be unrelated, their messages are essentially the same.

Are they doomed? Would you do that?


... a beautiful relationship ends. (Yes, you must watch the video after you read the article.)

Soulful eye...

The other day I happened to come across a video of a kayaker's close encounter with a blue whale, and I thought that the interaction and the footage was pretty amazing. However just now, in the midst of news and whatnot of the day, something else caught my eye... a whale's eye. Spectacular footage.

YouTubeLink. (Views 7,898)

My nothing...

is nothing...

I remember sometimes I would come home from work to a dark and empty house, unlock the door, walk in and say "Hi honey I'm home.", just for a laugh. Heck... I didn't even have a cat anymore. How sad is that?


... today's date is...


Big leaf...

This rather large leaf was on the walkway up to the house. I do not know the tree from whence it came.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

A prize...

I feel I should clarify the previous post being that I left out the word "posts"... albeit unintentionally. That was post 777, 1 year, 7 months and 25 days after I started the blog.

Oh, and in regards to my cheeky question about a prize... This morning I heard a knocking on the front door. I figured it was someone I knew based on the musical tone of the knocks. I was not able to get to the door in time, but when I did get there, I lifted the curtain and saw a bag sitting on the bench on the porch. I knew what it was. A prize indeed. I opened the bag to find a container of home-made cabbage rolls...  There were seven. I nuked three and ate them right away. Almost like mom's, and delicious. Oh... so very, very good. I ate the rest just now for dinner and couldn't stop the "Mmmmmmms".  I had been thinking of having them with perogies, but am rather glad I didn't, as I seem to be slightly stuffed now.


... on 11/1/11... 3:33.

Do I get to win a prize?