1,000 miles

I have had a song drifting around my head for a while now, so I went agoogling for it tonight. For some reason I thought the distance mentioned was 1,000 miles... but turns out it was only 500...  It was this one by the Proclaimers. I guess I'm having trouble with numbers in general, as I also thought that the song was from maybe ten years ago or so. Hard to believe it has been over twenty.

Normally I would have some sort of segue or backstory into the song that I was thinking about, but in this case, I got a little side-tracked by something that I noticed on the sidebar and clicked on, which was just... so much...  not better... but ... evil...  Enjoy. (Ah... yes... you do have to listen to whole thing.)

YouTubeLink.

The ever-changing canvas...

Smoke Tree

This was taken the day after the photo below which I had originally posted with links to other pictures of the same tree at different times of the year, here.

The Last Road Trip...

Sundown on the highway.

Summer's Illusion...

The shrouded reflections

of leaves rustling in the wind

are ripples in a nonexistent pool

of water on the wall

or heat rising off the pavement

in Summer's wondrous illusion

that calms my soul and opens my heart

ckiMay3 1988

It is hard to believe I wrote that twenty-three years ago, but that the words have somehow remained so fresh in my mind.

Delusion?

If you find that a connection you have made is a figment of your delusion, should you sever the connection or vanquish the delusion?

A rather strange thought.

From the garden...

Summer came late this year, and it seems that everything in the garden has accelerated growth since the beginning of August when the sun started to last more than just two days in a row.  Sadly, the Peace rose and one of the blue Hydrangeas didn't bloom at all this year, and apparently the beautiful Casablanca Lily has faded into oblivion after a few short years.

Walking on clouds...

No... not me...

Over here.

A moment of clarity...

Silent soul laid bare before me

Where the snow dusted mountains kiss the sky

And I

I fade into the cold gray Earth

My breath, my heart are lost

My body, my being scream

In that I find serenity

Where despair should be

For the waste of woes and worries

Vanish in a moment of clarity

ckiJune19 2010

I am yours...

Where others might find madness

I find tranquility

Where others might find loneliness

I find Peace

Where others might fight their demons

I embrace mine

Where others seek companionship

I am yours you are mine

Where others fear you

You give me strength

You shall be mine even unto death.

ckiFeb17 2009 - Solitude

This is from my vault of Solitude and Peace, a couple years before I came to this.

There is before me a candlelight

Whispering goodnight.

I close my weary eyes and sleep...

a peaceful sleep.

(Exerpt from an odd poem I wrote probably twenty or so years ago, dreaming of sleep.)

To honour the fallen since last time, and those that have gone before so that we may sleep... peaceful sleeps.

U.S. (Illi, Mass, NY (2), Fla, Tex, Minn, Mich,

        Okla (4), SD, Md, Cali (2), Ore, NJ (2), Neb)

NZ

Australia

UK

France

I'll regret this in the morning...

I know I have to figure myself out on my own. All the "what am I going to do" and "where am I going with my life"... these are things that I have to determine on my own. See... though... my problem right now is that I don't see myself at all... in any sort of future. There is no reason for me to look back and there is no reason for me to look forward. There is just me... here... now...   To put it simply, I need sleep so why am I not sleeping?

The space between spaces...

Champagne Thursday...

Well... technically it would be "Sparkling Wine", not Champagne. I had been holding off on splurging on either Vodka coolers or a bottle of wine, but today, perhaps the hottest day of summer yet, I just went for it. The added value was that the Liquor Store is air-conditioned. Anyways, I decided on a cheap German sparkling wine... a Henkell Rose. I'm not really a wine drinker, so I tend to prefer the sweet wines over the dry... and the bubblier the better. This was labelled Sweetness Code "01" so it would be more on the dry side, but I wanted something light and easy, so this seemed suitable. 

Beautiful blush tone with persistent effervescence both in the glass and on the palate. Not quite to my taste, but not that bad for less than $15. Several years ago I discovered what I deem to be a great inexpensive German White Wine... a Langenbach Kabinett, which at the time cost a whopping $7.45. Cheap... yes... but better to me that a lot of the $30 bottles out there. I know absolutely nothing in particular about the quality of wine, just what I happen to like. I also keep an open mind, knowing that just because something costs more does not mean that it is inherently better.

Hmm.... I was just thinking... I know that when I was a little kid I got to try "champagne". As far as I know, it was probably Baby Duck, a very cheap, very sweet, Canadian made sparkling wine. I don't remember it, but my mom later told me what I had said after I tasted it... that it made my tummy laugh.  Pretty close to "persistent effervescence".

Dreams, desire and motivation...

Two totally unrelated videos caught my attention. The first one had me laughing ... because..  well... I know that poor dude, and I am also familiar with the princess. The second one is reminiscent of a couple cool movies that I like, but if I say which ones, it will give away the story. Just watch 'em both...

YouTubeLink.

YouTubeLink.

Curtsy to Noah (from Noahware.)

Well... I thought initially that the two videos were unrelated, but I soon realized that there definitely is a connection, at least in my trippy universe. Living your life inside walls whether of your own creation or not, you have to want something more. It is the type of person you are, the quality of your character, which determines what those wants might be. It is rather interesting... or perhaps weird, that this came up at this particular time, considering where I have been / where I am now, and the content of my previous post "Undone", in which I said:

"Complacency is the slayer of dreams... of desire... of motivation.

What the hell do I want? Why did I wait so long to ask myself that question?"

Little Evil Mini-Me: The Wild Side

I drank milk directly from the two litre carton... again.

The kicker? It was two per cent.


Damn... it was good.

Undone...

I exist in a quiet, peaceful, unassuming manner, in a quiet, peaceful corner of the world. To borrow the words of an English poet from the 1600s, "by none offended and offending none". I liken my existence to one who lies awake in bed, knowing that he has the ability to run. To someone who sits in tranquil meditation knowing that he can climb mountains. Complacency is the slayer of dreams... of desire... of motivation. 

What the hell do I want? Why did I wait so long to ask myself that question?

Underwear and Cash...

I had a big laugh when I read my wacky horoscope for today:

"To avoid embarrassment, please avoid wearing underwear on incorrect areas of the body. Smiles help the world go round, especially when the smiles are accompanied by dirty big wads of cash. Cold hard cash. In fact, forget the smiles, just give everyone money."

Two reasons... Firstly, well... it was that underwear came up again, for the third or fourth time, here and in recent email correspondence... and in particular "on incorrect areas of the body". Secondly, in regards to ditching smiles for "cold hard cash"...  I was looking in Sitemeter last night and for some reason happened to notice an ad for Paypal secure payments up top, and decided to click on it and take a look, as I had been wondering about the "Donate" button that I have seen on a few blogs. As I was reading the information, for a brief moment, I seriously considered setting that little "Donate" button up on my blog, but it just seemed so...  I don't know... cold and hard... almost mercenary*. All I could think about was "Why would I do such a thing?" and then...  "What would they be donating for exactly?"  and then... "Why would anyone do such a thing?" The funny thing is that the frivolous spending of money on things that aren't worth it has come up in a few conversations as of late, the point in discussion being that something of value to one person may not be of the same value to another.

I even went so far as to wonder what I should call the darn thing... "Spockgirl's Sunny Day Stash"? I know... I know... I'm just being silly, but silly is starting to look pretty damn good.

(* Primarily concerned with making money at the expense of ethics.)

My Own Summer...

It didn't look like summer today with the skies, heavy, overcast, gray... and raining. But I suppose after five days of sun (I think) we needed a drink. I went out earlier to run a couple errands, dressed accordingly with jeans, hoodie, jacket, boots and baseball cap. By the time I was heading back, I realized the folly of the choice of clothes as my body was slightly overheated from wearing all that walking around, then being inside a warm store and out into the mild, but muggy day... with the added bonus of rain soaked leather jacket and jeans...  So a block later, I stopped to take off the jacket and hoodie. I'm surprised that there wasn't steam coming off my body. I thought to myself that there's nothing quite like the rain on bare skin. I know... sunshine on your shoulders is quite enjoyable, but today I was thankful for the rain.

Nearing home, I just happened to look up and was stopped dead in my tracks by the vision of the Smoke Tree at the corner. This is one beautiful tree, fall, winter and in-between.

I was chuckling to myself standing there taking a picture in the pouring rain, whilst at the same time thinking of some of the terms for the rapid and sudden increase of body temperature... known as a hot flash...  I prefer power surge and ... my own private summer.  Of course, that then brought to mind a Deftones song... I ... loved this song.... and ... I still do.

Can't You Trip Like I Do...

I'm quite sure I mentioned the Spawn movie soundtrack as a favourite before, here on the blog, and that I have written a bit about the way my memory works (or doesn't). It is a little strange that I have a specific memory of the first time I heard the CD as being on the way to a Metallica concert, or so I thought. I know I still have the concert ticket stub somewhere, but I have no idea where it would be now. I know that I have only seen them in concert twice, and I thought that it was in 1992 or 1994 and then 1997. According to what I found online, the soundtrack was released in July 1997, but the concert was May 23 of that year. So... I don't know... The times that I do have an actual vivid memory, you figure it should be correct. Maybe the soundtrack was released a few months earlier in Canada ... who knows.

Anyways, I distinctly remember who I was with and the first track cranked up...

also liking the entire CD, and ... our joint puzzled reaction to this particular song.

It doesn't seem like it has been so long (fourteen years!!!) since I first heard it, but I suppose that might have something to do with my lost decade. Tonight the song that hit me was "No Remorse (I Wanna Die)"

Funny thing is that percussion came up in conversation earlier today and that I actually have had a video link sitting in a draft for a while now... waiting for me to come up with the words to accompany it. I figure that I can't just keep using the word "cool" all the time. When I have mentinoed lately that I have been struggling with thoughts and words and writing, I can say that the clear indication of this is the fact that I do not have any more written drafts waiting to be edited, tweaked or posted, and it has been this way for a little while now. I just got to the point where I felt like giving up ... on ...  not just the blog... but ... everything. Now I'm wonderinig if I've lost my mind in addition to losing myself... or ... if it is just all the original thoughts and words that have fallen by the wayside.

Another blast from the past...

A few months ago one particular song took me on a Journey back a ways... and tonight... checking out some blogs that I haven't visited for a while, I started to watch a video of a song that sounded so very familiar, but which took me a minute to "remember".  I think perhaps I am easily distracted by goofballs...   Oh... and there's dancing too. Funny thing ... I was thinking that most or all of these guys weren't even born yet when the original song came out. I feel so old.  But... hey... it made me smile. 

YouTubeLink. (View #183,930)

Curtsy to America's First Sgt

Great... gurgling... again...

I feel like complete and utter crap, my stomach is gurgling, and... I almost feel like puking. But hey... I had free food, so I can't complain. 

Oh... and cracked open an online Fortune Cookie ... "Someone thinks the world of you."  Yeah... I think I'm going to spew.

I hope I can at least sleep.

I wonder...

Is it the words that fail me or the thoughts that elude me?

I see nothing before me, I hear nothing around me, I feel nothing. But... I wait...  Why?

Maybe I still think like the old me...

You Are Determined

You do things your way, and you always get results. You'll work as hard and long as it takes. You are completely fearless. You refuse to let fear control you. You are proactive, and you try not to let anything slide. You avoid lazy thinking habits. You always have a way when your will demands it. You don't consider failure an option.

The Deserted Beach Test

Blogthings: Take a Quiz. Annoy Your Friends.

Beauty...

"Everything has beauty, but not everyone can see it."

(from a Fortune Cookie I cracked open the other day)

I had written that down after I read it, as it was something that I had been thinking of, but not yet articulated in my own words, and which I wanted to expand on.  Anyways, something that I read today sparked a twinge of sadness and later on, it came back together with some tears welling up in my eyes as I was dredging the uncertain depths of the unknown once again.  That soon passed, the tears dried, the sadness subsided, and I continued on. Several minutes later, I noticed a droplet of water sitting on the very centre of my ankle-bone. I was momentarily puzzled as to where it had come from, but then realized that it was a teardrop. Was it that I had forgotten that some tears had fallen... or that I simply didn't expect to find a perfectly formed teardrop resting there undisturbed. All I could think of was that there was beauty in a moment of sadness.

Another thought... or rather question... regarding the concept of beauty came to me this evening. It is part and parcel of something that has been plaguing me for some time now, and ... I am sure it will continue to do so. How is it that one can find beauty in something that cannot be experienced by sight, smell, hearing, touch or taste? How exactly is that possible? To have found beauty in a moment of sadness. To find beauty in unspoken words. To find beauty in incongruity.

I think I am broken.

When I grow up...

The other day I happened to link over to a miscellaneous information website, and I noticed that there was one of those online career choice/aptitude tests. I remember doing one of them ages (a couple decades) ago, and I think at the time my results were police officer or lawyer. Well... this time? Life has changed, but still...

Fire Investigator?
"Conduct investigations to determine causes of fires and explosions."  Hmm... However, I also noticed that this was only a 27% per cent average match based on the almost 250 questions that were asked. So... yes... I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I suppose there wouldn't be a match for a math-minded, logic-based, independent thinker/philospher-typist with a penchant for cooking and gardening.

Two Guys, a Road-trip and an Alien...

Movie Review:

I hadn’t rented a movie in quite some time, and the two choices I had in mind were “Paul” and “Your Highness”. Even though I figured that the latter would have a higher entertainment value quotient on a whole, I went with “Paul”, just because I have a soft spot for Simon Pegg. I’m not exactly sure what it is about him, except perhaps for the fact that he reminds me of a grown-up Charlie Brown for some reason, and that he is, for lack of a better word... unique? Anyways, who better to portray two geeks on a UFO hot spot road trip than Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, who, in addition to playing the main characters, also wrote the screenplay.  Add in an escaped alien named Paul, a couple trailer park Bible thumpers, the requisite secret government agency, death and resurrection, a couple yokels, male bonding and a love interest... and I think that about covers everything. 

I might have enjoyed this more if I had not watched the trailer, but there were still plenty of laughs to be had. Oh...  and I did have to chuckle a little extra with the Comic-con scenes as there are a couple blogs that I read on a regular basis that the bloggers had attended said "conventions"... and had posted pictures of same on their respective blogs last year.

I knew there was a reason that I should have written this right after watching the movie on Friday night, but I didn't, so a lot of the funny bits escape me now. I do however remember the following:

"What did you do to him?"
"I didn’t do anything to him - he fainted!"
"But you made him faint!"
"It’s not like I set my phaser to faint!"
"You’ve got a phaser?"

Good Morning....

Two and a half hours of sleep. Tried falling back to sleep with no luck. Started to write a couple things for the blog... but I got nothing. Words are falling flat and failing. Now all I can think about is ... bacon. Dammit.

Someone to Watch Over Me...

Over at Avignon in Photos  there was a black and white photograph of a man playing the guitar, and the photographer made a note that on the wall behind him, the faded words read, QUELQUN POUR VEILLER SUR MOI.  In her translation, she wrote "Someone to look after me", but I lean more towards it meaning "Someone to watch over me."  This is a phrase that has been on my mind for quite some time now, after having come to the realization that I am not as strong and independent as I once was...  that I am no longer invincible... and that I could surrender to the fact that I might need someone to lean on, if not to watch over me.

I was just thinking back to something I had written around Christmas last year, so I went to look for it and found that the sentiment I expressed seems to be a recurring theme. "The feeling that, even though as a kid, knowing things weren't quite normal, I would still be taken care of. I think I miss that."

A Wet Noodle...

There are some days...  that I feel like a wet noodle. Sometimes this is a physiological aspect of the aging body when I would overdo some physical activity, but other times, or rather most often, it is psychological in nature. Years and years ago, when I had first started cooking, I had heard of a "pasta done-ness" test, in which you would carefully pick a noodle out of the boiling water and throw it against the wall. If it stuck to the wall, then it was considered done. I recall trying this with spaghetti and it did work, but I believe the noodles were one step beyond "al dente"... a little overdone. Anyways... me... the wet noodle .. floopy, lifeless, bland, stuck against the wall, waiting for gravity to force the inevitable fall. Oddly enough, it is almost exactly a year when I last mentioned this, and I'm still stuck against that wall.

Bananas, Carrots and Marmalade...

I had some extremely over-ripe bananas sitting in the kitchen that needed to be used ASAP, and which had indeed been left uneaten with the intent of making banana bread of some sort... at some point. Of course, upon finally determining the fact that I was ready to do so, I realized that I had used the last of the eggs. I hadn't yet planned on trekking up to the grocery store, and the severely darkened bananas couldn't wait much longer. I still sometimes forget the beauty of the internet being at one's fingertips, readily available for ease of access such that I would not have to go rooting through a mass of cookbooks to find the right recipe. So, I went agoogling, picked a recipe without eggs in it, and then decided to find one more just to compare ingredients. Well... as usual, I ended up modifying the heck out of the very simple recipe(s). After I had folded the ingredients together, it struck me that the batter was much too thick, so I decided to check the fridge for ingredients that might add some moisture. I went with some baby carrots, which I chopped up super fine, a wee bit more canola oil, and... something just on a whim... orange marmalade, which I figured would be an interesting flavour twist.

Well... it ended up being pretty good. Not too heavy or dense, with a cohesive, moist texture, an almost crisp cracked open top, a mild banana flavour with an oddly bittersweet chocolate finish. The only thing I can attribute the cocoa-ish flavour to is from the marmalade. Go figure.

Oh, and the funny thing...  I think the marmalade may have been sitting in the fridge for some three years now, as it isn't something that I use very often. The banana bread, having been made a mere day and a half ago, now only has three slices left.

Looking for something...

Another song from the 80s that I had been thinking about for a while, Sweet Dreams, for which the title words have come up in my online journey a few times as of late, has the line "Everybody's looking for something." Sounds about right.  Anyways, the original version was oft listened to in high school, but when I went agoogling for it, I also happened upon a mutated copy (WARNING: May induce nightmares in innocent eyes.). Hmm.... as a note of interest...  other covers by Marilyn Manson, known more for shock value than musical ability, include... Tainted Love, Personal Jesus (Depeche Mode), Alabama Song (the Doors), Golden Years (David Bowie), You Spin Me Round (Dead or Alive), Another Brick in the Wall (Pink Floyd), Iron Man (Black Sabbath)...  and there's probably more.  I knew there had to be a couple reasons why I'd take Rob over Marilyn.

One day...

I mentioned these thirty (30) lives lost back here, and since the official news release came out I have been trying to figure out what exactly my thoughts were, but I still don't know how to translate them into words. Put it this way...One of the SEALS was  my age. I would hazard a guess that he had been in the service for more than twenty years. To even remotely think of the rigorous training, hard work, dedication and purpose over those years together with the tenacity and endurance to still be at it at this age is truly humbling... and me... well... I feel humble enough on my own accord, let alone thinking about his life and sacrifice.. and then some...  

This time, I felt the need to include respective ages...  

NAVY SEALS

La (32), Cali (44), Ark (34), Conn (31), Minn (31), Mass (35), Mo (37), Tex (35), La (32), Mich (34), Cali (28), NC (36), Iowa (35), Fla (30), Utah (32), Cali (27), Minn (24)

Expeditionary Warfare Specialists

Hawaii (36), WV (30), Utah (28), Neb (26), Pa (25)

General Support Aviation Battalion

Colo (47), Kansas (31), Neb (30), Wa (24), Kansas (21)

Special Tactics Squadron

Pa (28), Cali (26), Fla (33)

*****

I did not know them... but I feel a sense of loss. I pay my respects and honour them for their service and sacrifice for their country... for their lives lost ... on one day.

My options...

Part of my wacky horoscope for today made me laugh considering that I have been considering same.

"Take time out to consider your options; climb a mountain, dig your own grave."

August Moon...

Tonight was apparently supposed to be the best night to view the meteor showers, or as I know it as... watching shooting stars. The only hitch being that it is the full moon as far as I can tell, and there was nary a star in sight. Anyways, not a very good pic, but something about the cloud caught my eye.

I am... Mashed Potatoes...

I am rather glad that I am...  as opposed to coleslaw or macaroni salad. And ... as much as I like french fries or onion rings with their crispy golden goodness, mashed potatoes hold a special place, with their creamy, buttery fluffiness. Of course, I have no idea what this has to do with my personality. Anyways, I haven't been to McDonalds in over two months. I was delivered of a couple pieces of delicious fried chicken in between times, but ... I miss it.  So, in harbouring a fantasy about fried chicken or a hamburger and fries, I could not resist the personality quiz: "What KFC Side are you?"

You Are Mashed Potatoes

You like the simple things in life. You think complexity is a lot of fuss and often overrated. You take the slow and steady approach whenever possible. You never like to be in too much of a rush. You are conventional and orthodox. You are the most normal person you know.  (??? I don't think so.) You like and prefer solitude. You are your own best friend.

What KFC Side Are You?

Blogthings: We Have a Quiz for Almost Everything

House of Fun...

Cracked open another cookie just for fun, and this is what it said:

"Just have fun."

Funny thing... I'm drawing a blank trying to think of things that I actually just have fun doing nowadays.  Has it been that long?

This then reminded me of a song from way, way back in high school by a Brit band called "Madness".

Circle inside a sphere...

Earlier tonight as I was pondering the self-inflicted boundaries of this life, I thought to myself... I am a circle within a sphere. And... that is where the thought ended. So just now, as I was thinking about the relation between the circle and the sphere, something slightly more involved came to mind. If a circle sits just shy of flush within the confines of a sphere it can rotate within that sphere. Can a square of a size just shy of one side of a cube, do the same within the confines of the cube? So with that, I now wonder am I a circle within a sphere or a square within a cube?

This is one of those things that spews forth from the quietude of my mind and when I wake up, I will say ... wha?

A Troll?

Ah... I don't know, but troll seemed right. He is now set in stone... so to speak. His beginning can be seen here.

At least there's a window...

Could you do it? A 78 square foot living space? Yes, perhaps... but... $800 a month? What? Would you do it? Easy to clean up, simple to decorate, no cooking or baking, no unneeded clothes nor furniture. Completely efficient living. Hmm... I like (or almost close to the other "L" word) where I live, but this does have a rather spartan appeal to it.  It is in New York after all, but still...  I just don't know...

YouTubeLink. (486,500 views)

This just reminded me of something I had seen when I first started my journey here last year. It was what I thought to be a small living space in Hong Kong. I went a googling to find it and apparently it is 330 square feet. Amazing design concept.

Drifting...

On my way to ye olde office earlier today, as I was passing the park, the strangest thing happened. A song... a horrible sing songy song drifted into my head. I knew the tune, and at the time, only the words "I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again." This was one of those "wha?" type moments, as in ... where the heck did that come from? I couldn't remember who the song was by, but I was sort of thinking John Denver, which in and of itself was another "wha?". So I went a googling and verified that yes, it was indeed a song by John Denver. Geesh. (Please note that I did not include a link for your listening pleasure.)

So just now as I was sitting in the kitchen contemplating life and death and everything else that everyone else thinks about whilst sitting at a kitchen table, the very melancholy song "Drifting", as sung by Harry Connick Jr. came wafting into my mind. I went to look for a video link and instead of that song, I found a bunch of videos pertaining to "drifting" as in the type seen in the movie "Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift" (the one in which Vin only has a guest appearance). The following video is the one I clicked on as I scrolled down:

YouTubeLink.

Even though I don't drive or ride motorcycles, I can... and do... appreciate these guys' ability and energy, as well as their sense of humour, which was a treat at the end. Another funny thing is that motorcycles seem to be popping up in my internet journey lately.

And... here's the song I mentioned earlier. I haven't quite yet figured out if I am fading away... or...  drifting.

I don't know what to say...

I say that because although I wish to honour the fallen since last time, there are also another thirty (30) U.S. troops in addition to the ones noted below. I haven't added them here as there has been no official press release yet.

U.S. (Ohio (2), Cali (2), Utah, Ga (2), Okla (4),

         Alab, Md, Kan, Fla, NC, Pa (2), Tex)

France (2)

Italy

UK

Window to the Soul...

Technically this is just the bathroom window, but it did get me to thinking...  about that saying... "The eyes are the window to your Soul."  Hmm... did I look through a window to take a photograph of a window... or what is on the other side of the window? Do I value the vision, the structure, or the beauty beyond it? Ah... I knew I had been here before... on the Inside looking out.

The Power of Words...

As of late, I have touched on the value, the meaning and the beauty of words, and today I was sent... the Power of Words.

YouTubeLink.

Thank you (with a hug) to Edna.

Not gonna live forever...

Earlier today at some point in the midst of a conversation I said "Not gonna live forever...", and then this song by Queen drifted back from the not too distant depths of my memory.

Who wants to live forever anyways...

When I went looking for the song, I was bombarded by a bunch of others that I knew. Listened to a few, but "These are the Days of Our Lives" seemed to resonate at this time.

".... these are the days of our lives
They've flown in the swiftness of time
These days are all gone now but some things remain
When I look and I find no change."

What I just found out tonight is that it was the last video that the band shot while Freddie Mercury was still alive.

So yes... death... life... mortality... have accompanied my thoughts particularly much so in the past year and it would seem that my journey here has  brought me to face their question... live, change or die unlived and unchanged. 

For one simple reason...

Hadn't heard from my bro for a while, but had sent him a motorcycle video shot on an open track in Germany, to remind him of olden times. Anyways, he sent me a video link back, which is just plain cool, considering how things are going, or not going, in my life right now. (Yes, it is a commercial for a bank... it is subtitled... and you do have to read the captions.)

YouTubeLink.

My least favourite colour?

Sometimes in life when trying to make a choice or decision or to solve a problem when the right answer or solution is not immediately accessible in my brain, I work my way backwards in reverse, starting from what is the least favourable, or what doesn't work, thus eliminating the incorrect choices in order to arrive at the correct one. So bearing that in mind, when I went looking at the silly quizzes, this one caught my eye. Most people would ask the question "What is your favourite....?", but this one had the words "least favourite". It was a toss up between two colours, but I only checked the result for one.

You Are a Realist

Facts and figures are quite exciting to you. You love to collect and analyze data. You're much more concerned with what is actual than with what is possible. You aren't much of a daydreamer. Knowledge excites you. Learning something new feels like exploring to you. You excel at academics and probably belong in a school... as a student or as a teacher!

What Does Your Least Favorite Color Say About You?

Blogthings: Take a Quiz. Annoy Your Friends.

An explosion will do....

The other day in conversation I mentioned my lack of motivation and said something akin to "I need a kick in the ass." Well... what can I say...  An explosion would work just as well. It's a start anyways.

Tonight I had put the kettle on to boil some water for my dinner... instant oatmeal. I admit the water level was a little lower than usual, but I wasn't quite expecting the thing to explode. The lid flying off had enough kick to knock a fair bit of the oatmeal out of the bowl sitting nearby onto the stove and to the floor, thus providing the necessary motivation to do some impromptu cleaning.

This sort of makes me wonder what kind of swift kick I'll need and likewise receive in order to get my life going.

The Written Word...

The ability to convey ones thoughts, emotions and intentions so resolutely, so plainly, yet with so much underlying intensity is something not oft seen these days, and something that I hold in high esteem. It saddens me that this innate and learned ability may often remain hidden, latent, and unshared for fear by the bearer of ridicule or repercussions. It is a given that in times of great need or stress, this ability can manifest itself and there unfold the beauty of the written word.

Sadly, there may be an entire generation, mayhaps even two, that does not or will not know the construction or format of a letter, let alone how to write the sentences and paragraphs that comprise it. In this day and age of learning the English language phonetically, of not learning how to spell, of texting, text-based emoticons, IMs (Instant Messaging), abbreviated terms... all designed to make things easier... correspondence quicker...I fear that the written word has lost its value, its worth, its true meaning and intent, as it had come to be over time. At the other end of the spectrum where the written or spoken word is used as a tool, a weapon or a pointed finger, the same holds true as well. There too, the value and meaning have been lost  or sullied by those who have gained so much in knowledge, yet somehow fail to understand.

Hmm... I think I went a little bit farther than I thought I would with that thought. I just ran with it, but I have a feeling that I may have to revisit it when I can articulate it in a manner befitting its depth.

Now where was I? Ah... the beauty of the written word. This isn't something that just appeared out of thin air, but rather has been wafting in and out of my train of thought and in my journey here, since the beginning of same last year. Most recently, I read a beautiful letter written during the American Civil War, which you can find over here. I went agoogling for further information and from what I found, I recommend just listening to the letter being read aloud in this video.


I have previously mentioned on my blog a book titled "The Book of War Letters - 100 years of private Canadian correspondence", a collection that I highly recommend, but for which you need to take your time to read. Also, a short time ago on a blog I read regularly,  Shell Shock Serenade, some song lyrics and a video were posted, the latter in which there is a letter recited, which if I understand correctly is from  "Dear America: Letters Home From Vietnam". In my search for information tonight, I find that there is both a book and a documentary.

YouTubeLink.

Go figure that in writing about the written word, I ended up using a conpletely different medium, audio/video, to impress my point. I have to wonder though, does it defeat the purpose or augment it?

Two Friends, Food and a Road Trip...

I have no idea whatsoever what I was looking for originally, but I ended up finding this trailer, which looks hilarious. No explanation needed from me... just watch it.

Live from Insomnia...

Hmm...  This is the first time that I am writing "live", whilst in the midst of not being able to fall asleep.

Lights were off before 3am. I hadn't fallen asleep yet by 3:40, but somewhere between 3:40 and 4:49 I know that I did, because I had a very brief dream that was headed towards nightmare territory, but I woke up before it could get that far. Now I do seem to be tired, and I want to sleep, however at the same time I feel as though I very calmly want to jump out of my skin. Of course it doesn't help that today is garbage day and that if I do go back to bed and somehow manage to fall asleep, I won't wake up in time to put the garbage out. One might wonder why it is that I just don't put it out the night before, or right now, and the reason is that there have been bear warnings. It is best not to leave garbage cans out in case some errant garbage dump bear or starving Yogi Bear or Boo Boo saunters by to take a gander. I heed this wise advice, even though I don't have any tasty food scraps in the garbage.

I have had personal encounters with bears twice now in my life, both of which are quite humourous, but at this time I lack sufficient mental energy with which to relate these stories with full effect.

As I sit here, after having gone agoogling to find the appropriate image, I find myself looking at it and wondering if perhaps I ate something out of the ordinary that would have caused me to be in such a state, as it has been over a year now since I have been even remotely close to this level of sleep inability. I can think of nothing in particular, and in fact, I am rather hungry. Hmm...

I can only imagine that I have reached this unrestful level due to the excitement caused by the fact that last week I missed putting the garbage can out in time. Oh... what a life I lead...  

And now my stomach is gurgling talking to me.

Expect the worst, hope for the best...

Further to a discussion earlier today, I was prompted on my own accord, to examine my reasoning for saying something that I did, and the following is what I since determined:

I am predisposed to foresee and accept the probable negative outcome of any given situation in order that I not be disappointed if or when the predicted inevitable negative outcome occurs. 

It is not that I do not want to foresee a positive outcome, but that I can find no feasible reason to do so. 

In other words, if I accept the probability and/or inevitability of disappointment, then ultimately I can never be disappointed by a negative outcome.

So after having said that, I thought to myself that perhaps this is why I can't seem to write anything of substance on the blog as of late.  Perhaps I have been using up the requisite energy in the writing of emails.