I don't know why...

I stayed up cleaning the entire kitchen until 4AM, just like the good old days when there weren't enough hours in the day. I WAS tired, but now however, I am not. Showered, in my PJs, sitting in bed with the laptop on the pillow. I have been remiss in my blogging lately, just struggling with myself, life (or the lack thereof), thoughts and words. I have to wonder if I am retreating back into myself again or if this is actually a step forward this time. It is hard to say, but I think it is different than before, when at times I felt like stopping writing altogether. I now find that I want to write, but the words aren't forthcoming. The moments wherein there might be something to write about seem to pass too quickly. Or I want to write something meaningful but can't keep my eyes open.

Now, why did I stay up so late cleaning the kitchen? I have no plans for Christmas dinner. I have no food... I haven't bought groceries in almost three weeks. The fridge is bare. The oven isn't working, although the convection oven is, but isn't working properly. I finally paid the bill for the furnace repair, and have been holding off with getting the oven checked, even though I'm quite sure I know what the problem is. But heck... the kitchen is tidy, for the first time in ... a rather long time. The storage boxes are gone, the paperwork cleared away, the excess auction items moved out, and there are twinkle lights on garlands with paper snowflakes and vintage ornaments which I hung up tonight. I don't know why. Maybe ... just because.