Fortunate and a Fortune Cookie

I realized this afternoon that I have had three separate birthday dinners this year, plus today I splurged on Chinese take-out with some money I received as a gift. I was also invited by an old friend's mom to have cabbage rolls (a personal favourite that mom used to make) tomorrow as another belated b-day dinner. Lucky or fortunate I am... Thinking about it now, this may actually be more appealing than one big party. Sort of like how I view Valentine's Day. No fuss, no muss... just spread the love around.

***

Oh, and today's fortune cookie that came with dinner:

Ah, except that the coming into money would have to precede the travelling. The funny thing about this is that a couple days ago, I picked up a Passport Application. I haven't bothered to get a new one in over fifteen years. Hmm...

I should know better...

about a lot of things. Technically speaking, I do know better, but sometimes I just don't not do what I shouldn't do.

If you are slightly lactose intolerant, don't make the first thing you eat all day to be a bowl of bran flakes, trail mix and milk.

Friday Night Freakiness

Fair warning...

Sappy, sappy, SAPPY song in my head from the early 80s. I think big sis had the vinyl 45rpm single. I may still have some of those in storage, but I don't know what happened to the little record player we had. I remember we needed to have the little disc thing to put in the centre of the single in order to play it.

I didn't even know what the guys in the band looked like, but watching that video, the lead singer sort of reminds me of Luke Wilson when he does that eyebrow thing. Oh... and yes... I could have linked to a better version of the song but I was feeling a little evil.

The Broken Record

I have found myself repeating things here and in comments, and would liken it to going around in circles. Not remembering what I had said before, or perhaps even always thinking the same thoughts. There is no new insight, no forward motion. As this came to mind just now, I could see it being akin to a broken record. I am a broken record. The one scratch in the vinyl that the needle gets stuck on and keeps skipping over and over and over so that the song, ruined forever, never finishes.

Unknowing

I wasted my life by not wanting much of anything more than what I had in front of me. And now... only now it is that I want something more? Something worthwhile... something meaningful? The only thing is... I can't have it... because... I don't know what it is.

Hello again...

No, life hasn't taken me away from here. Still struggling inside my head would be an understatement. Still struggling with sleep would be as well. Tonight, I conked out at about 10:30. Woke up a couple hours later... awake. So, here I be.

The other day, I think it was early Sunday morning, dragging over from late Saturday night, I couldn't sleep and for some reason a song by Evanescence came to mind. So... I went to find the CD... glad that they are sorted in the drawers alphabetically. As I lay there listening, there was one song that I had somehow forgotten had so resonated with me back when I had first heard it, and now, with where I am, even moreso.

I went looking for a link to one of the other songs, Bring me to Life, and found this live acoustic version, which sort of blew me away, because... well... if you have ever tried to sing anything or carry a tune. Again, another one that seems to have meaning to me at this time, and oddly appropriate, considering this.

(Oh, and I had a feeling that I had already done a post called "Hello", so couldn't use it as a title again.)

I'm going to sleep now. I am... 

Time to say goodbye...

The song "Time to Say Goodbye" came drifting back into my mind earlier tonight as I was trying to write something for the blog. I couldn't very well leave it with a Happy Birthday post up after the day was done.  Anyways, the funny thing is that in a rare recent moment of clarity, I wrote this in an email: "... wherever there is a hello there will be a goodbye, whether of our own accord or by some outside force."

After agoogling for a link to that song, another one I had almost forgotten came back as well. I find it interesting that they should come to me in this order. (The audio/video sucks on that, so I found a different version.) 

(Hmm... I must have gone temporarily sappy again. To think that it was only a couple days ago that I had started to write about having a Korn day.)

Little Evil Mini-Me Birthday wishes

Happy, happy, happy!

Thanks be to T1G.

Peaceful turmoil

There is no light... it is but a flicker in the darkness extinguished by one breath... or a single tear.

Life is for the living.

All I do is age.

(Like what though? Wine? Cheese? Milk?)

Gertie and George and the Friendship of Books

I wasn't satisfied with the definition of a word in Merriam-Webster online, so I went to check the rather old, rather large dictionary sitting on the bookshelf in the other room. Apparently all it was doing in there was... collecting dust. It is two large volumes, and I had a few small old books on top. I got side-tracked moving the books and wiping the dust off. One of the books, a tiny thing, caught my attention. Small, leather bound with Celtic symbols embossed on the cover with the words "Friendship of Books". I remember buying the book at an Antique shop, but I guess I had forgotten that I had it. The funny thing about this is that not too long ago, someone said to me "... books are like friends you can visit any time you want." And, the other day, prompted by a blog on which I wanted to make an extended comment, but didn't, I started off writing something about books. "Books... I love books. Old books. The kind of books that have depth, weight, heft. The kind of book that you can hit someone on the head with. The ones that teach you something, not tell you something. But, above the book, I place my brain, my ability to think for myself first." I went on to write a bit more about common sense, understanding and wisdom, but again, lacking sufficient brainpower in the past little while, I could not finish the thought. Anyways, when I opened that wee book mentioned above, there was this inscription.

Who were Gertie and George? What was their relationship? He gave her this particular book near the beginning of the war and quoted Milton. Did he get shipped off? Hmmm... so many things to wonder.

So, perhaps I should revise my prior thought about books "... that teach you something, not tell you something." ... to include "and that make you think beyond the words."

Out and about...

... and still out of focus.

Craving

Spam Hash. With ketchup. What the?

Something is very, very wrong.

I fear...

... that I have lost my brain. I honestly thought that it was a temporary setback, but I now wonder if it is a gradual disintegration of my faculties. It has been an ongoing concern previously set forth in the form of the questions "Where did I go?" and "Who have I become?". I stare unblinkingly blankly into the space before me... Am I breathing? I think so. Is my heart beating? I'm not sure. Am I alive? I don't know.

No, I didn't try it...

(Beef and Bison Burger patty)

... but I was tempted.

Holy... snow...

I went out to run a couple errands earlier and thought to myself what a beautiful sunny day it was, the fleeting warmth of the spring sun however betrayed by the snow lying low on the mountains.

On my way home, I noticed that the snowline on this mountain looked different than it had in all the years prior that I had walked this road. It seemed as though the snow had fallen heavier in different areas or that parts of the mountain had been cleared or hollowed out, allowing extra to settle. As I neared home, the steeple crept into view and it kind of makes me wish I had a better position, better camera and better eyes with which to capture it.

In looking at the picture now, viewing it from a little farther away from the screen, it almost looks as though there is a cross in the middle of the elongated triangle of snow.

Zombie meat

I was thinking the other day that perhaps I should purchase a box of frozen burger patties, which I haven't had in probably 14 years or so. Used to be great almost charred, on a toasted bun with Thousand Island Dressing and maybe some crunchy Romaine lettuce. The timing of this is rather interesting, as this morning, I noticed an article regarding a frozen beef product recall which included several different brands and products. Hmm... I couldn't remember whether or not Ecoli, the bacteria in question, survived beyond being frozen, and apparently it does. I went agoogling further and found this tidbit. So, in other words, it survives being frozen, but it cannot survive being burned to death. On a somewhat related note, it is interesting that sometimes nuking doesn't even work on some pre-cooked foods, due to uneven heating and not being nuked through and through. So, even though something is already dead, there are living organisms that yet live / come back to life / thrive, and can only be killed if nuked to death. In other words, you have to kill something twice to eat it.

Doesn't feel like it, but apparently...

(From Google images... I just added the words.)

A writer, a vampire and a princess...

I had seen the trailer for The Raven a while back, which isn't quite my kind of movie, but looks as though it deserves a mention with John Cusack playing Edgar Allan Poe brought in to assist in the investigation of murders mimicking those in his stories. I had also heard of a movie remake of the original t.v. show Dark Shadows, but hadn't seen a trailer of the Tim Burton/ Johnny Depp collaboration until yesterday. I must say that it looked more like a campy Addams Family, but still, pretty promising. However on a bigger and better note, there was an upcoming movie that actually got my heart pumping, which is a rare thing indeed these days:

YouTubeLink

I was going to say that I'm not quite sure why, but of course, it has to be because of the Huntsman character, played by Thor himself, Chris Hemsworth. The added bonus is that this one doesn't have a pale-skinned, feeble, clueless teenaged heroine with a high pitched voice. Oh, I forgot, annoying.

 

Up or down?

This little jaunt I found over at the Borderline Sociopathic Blog for Boys, got me to thinking. (It also had me looking to the right a lot, and holding my breath.) Although I didn't much like going uphill on a mountain trail, I think I still preferred that to speeding downhill. Going uphill is a struggle, and other than making sure that your gears are working properly, it is all on you... your strength to get you to the top. Sadly, the one and only attempt I made to ride up a rather small mountain, I had to turn back. On the other hand, going downhill has nothing to do with you really, it is all about gravity... Either way, you are going to end up at the bottom of the hill. The bumps and bruises are up to you. But is it more about the struggle itself or control?

The Battle of Evermore

On that musical memory tour last night, I came across so many songs that I had somehow managed to forget. Another one was The Battle of Evermore, which listening to again after so many years, made me determined to find that drawing I had been thinking about for a while now. So, after going upstairs and sorting through a box full of sketches from the 80s, I decided to take another look in the hardcover sketchbook I had already gone through and scanned in what I liked. Lo and behold in between crappy drawings of women's fashions, I found it. (See also Doodles from the Past.)

In the past couple years, I've had a ten year old, twelve year old and 40-something year old kid ask me "What's your favourite _____?" I honestly couldn't answer most of the questions. But, I think I can say that this is my favourite drawing, without a doubt.

I've written about feeling lost, being lost, not knowing who I am anymore or where I am going in life. This isn't just something I say without deep consideration. I have struggled in the past year and a bit with the "who I was, who I became, and who I am now", but may not have been able to properly articulate the how and why of this. In thinking on this now, perhaps that song together with the content and execution of this illustration can best illustrate what I have thusfar been unable to explain. Or maybe not.

The atheist and the bear...

(Not sure who wrote this, but curtsy to Edna for sending it along. I did some minor grammatical editing.)

An atheist was walking through the woods.

"What majestic trees!" "What powerful rivers!" "What beautiful animals!" He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look and saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant, the atheist cried out:
 

"Oh my God!"

Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.

"You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident. Do you now expect me to help you out of this predicament?" "Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light, and said: "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian; but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?" "Very well", said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen"

(Author unknown)

Misty Mountains...

Of course at first this photo brought to mind this song, but for some reason tonight, when I went agoogling for a link, this one seemed somehow more appropriate. A whole slew of songs that I had almost forgotten came flooding back all because of one picture I took. Another one I noticed on the sidebar then nudged me about a sketch I had done as a teenager but can't find. And off I go on another journey.

An Irish blessing...

Happy St. Patrick's Day

On an evening such as this...

Went looking for something to post for St. Patrick's Day and came across a song called Pinch Me by the Barenaked Ladies (a Canadian band), that is so... just right for the way life has been lately. "On an evening such as this... It's hard to tell if I exist." Despite that line, it is pretty upbeat. I don't think I'd heard it before tonight. 

Oh... and then... I clicked on this. Now if that doesn't make you laugh... (Great live version in case you've never heard this song before.)

Somewhere in Time...

Once again, looking through a stack of "getting rid of" CDs, there are a few that I figured I should re-listen to, just to see why it was I had them in the first place. One of these was Iron Maiden's "Somewhere in Time". I was thinking ... hmm... appropriate title for where I am right now. It is one of those ones that I have no recollection of... at all. I popped it in and did the usual listen through. Came to a song called "Stranger in a Strange Land", which for some reason reminded me of someone, and also brought to mind the U2 song of the same name. This then sent me agoogling for the lyrics. What I found then was another song by a band called "Thirty Seconds to Mars".. I am quite sure I had heard "of" them, but not that I'd heard any of their songs, so I took a listen and was, not blown away, but sort of transported... back to... somewhere in time... It was eerily reminiscent of the music I used to listen to in the 80s... before the metal came to grow on me.

The warmth of the sun...

One of the other "issues" that I've been having with this cold is that I haven't been able to hear properly for the past three days. Tied to the clogged head, everything just seems lightly muffled. It is one of those things that never used to happen when I got sick when I was younger. Oh well, whatever. Time passes, the body ages, things change. Some things. Haven't been able to properly breathe, sleep, think, hear, or ... write. Thinking comes in handy for writing, as evidenced by the blog here for the past several days.

Went out and about today. Was rather surprised to find that I got tired just lifting my arm for a minute or two. Odd. Anyways, it was a beautiful day, and on the way home, I could feel the warmth of the sun radiating upon me... within me, and it was ... good.

Another first ever... exciting...

Warning: This one is a little bit gross.

I've had this cold thing for just coming on to a week now. There have been a couple days where I thought I was getting better, but just didn't. So, today, when I was in the shower, I was pleasantly surprised to find that I could breathe and that there was no nasal drip. Well... I must say... somewhen in the middle of the shower after I warmed up a bit, I could feel my sinuses or nasal passages loosening up. The next thing I know I could feel the snot starting to  build, so I sucked it back up.... and to my utter shock and dismay, I had inhaled it too deeply and it went into my throat and ended up in my mouth. Ptooey.

Too much information I know, but it was rather exciting.

(Regular programming will resume hopefully soon.)

I see... faces...

Night before the March full moon last week.

Same pic, but with autocorrecct function.

Close your eyes...

and sink your teeth into this:

Big sis came to the door yesterday with a package of steak wrapped in brown butcher's paper. I almost internally combusted when I looked at the label. She said it was an early birthday present. Zoinks! Thank you!

Unable to describe it. I cooked it in butter on an old cast iron pan, with hot pepper flakes and a bit of freshly ground sea salt. As it was sizzling away, I could almost taste it. When it was at an appropriate stage of readiness and I put it gently to rest on the plate for a bit, I was almost salivating. As I was slicing, thinly, diagonally, slowly into its soft, tender, moist...  I was almost drooling. That first bite? I almost died. It almost melted in my mouth, or I almost melted into the floor. However, I had to cook it a little bit more. It was a damn fine piece of meat. And... no, I didn't eat the whole thing.

Today, I couldn't remember the full name of the cut, so I went and checked. I just about had a heart attack when I noticed the price was $10 more per kilogram than I had thought I read on it yesterday. Had to use the calculator to do some figuring. Anyways... it was an 11 oz New York Striploin Grilling Steak that cost $8.54. It doesn't look that expensive when you see it written down like that, but if you do the backwards math in order to see the price per kg that I saw? Zoinks.

 

Canadian Meat Sticks...

Yes, really, that is what they are called. I saw them at a local store and couldn't resist taking a picture of the logo, but didn't realize until much later what the wording on the package was. Still makes me chuckle. Sort of reminded me of the ole Sgt. Rock comics.

 

Oh, and I now remember what I was wanting to write about earlier tonight, but never got around to it due to my head falling off my shoulders. A thick, juicy steak that I was gifted with for dinner.

 

Inner workings...

Unable to sleep for 24 hours ... 24 hours. I think at about 22 hours is when I had a shower and got dressed. 24 is when I lay down in my clothes and dropped off for 2... HOURS! Finally! In trying to figure out this not sleeping episode, I came up with the thought of a perfectly functional lamp, plugged into the wall socket, light switch turned on, but ... with no lightbulb... or perhaps with the lightbulb just not screwed in properly.

For some reason this seemed familiar, as though I had used a lightbulb analogy before, but when I searched the blog for "lightbulb", nothing came up. I then typed in "electrical current", and found what I was remembering. The interesting thing is that I had used the term "inner workings" in that, which I didn't realize when I wrote the title to start this post.

***

I went out of the house for the first time in... five days. My body seemed fine, but after a block, my face was freezing off, but everything else seemed fine. About half a block later, I was feeling rather laden down, carrying... nothing. Two blocks more I needed to sit down. Visited with a friend for a bit, walked to the store up the street and back. Chatted for a bit... Actually felt drained just listening and talking. Bonus though is that I ate a corn dog and a chocolate bar during the time that I was out.

***

I knew I had to go to one of the stores on the way home to pick up some sundry items, and whilst there, strolling down the aisles, I overheard bits of a conversation between a man and a woman who, by the tone and matter of said conversation, had only recently met and did not know very much about each other. When they were at the cashier, I heard the woman say "Nooooo... don't you EVER call my mother. (More words since forgotten.) My entire family is dysfunctional."  That's about all I caught. I was thinking... hmm.... dude... not a good sign. Kind of reminded me of that bit about those guys (I know one, but I do believe him.) who insist that every single woman he has ever dated or been with was "crazy".

***

Hunh...  I just nodded off trying to finish this off.  I know I was going to add something else, but the "lightbulb" just went out.

I've heard tales...

of guys catching big ones around here, may have even seen them jumping on the other side of the river, but tonight agoogling the area and some local history, I just kept on clicking away and came across this. Wow.  

YouTubeLink. (Views 100,756)

Life or something like it...

Having been out of commission for the past few days, this came to mind today. Having just gotten a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I realize that I no longer look like Death, but I now seem to be rather glassy eyed for some reason. I had been thinking that when you are down and out for a little while one should be then motivated to do more upon coming back to life. I am hoping this to be the case. Oh, and when I went agoogling for that line, I found this one I liked better. It made me chuckle thinking of mom... not that she looked like Gene Wilder.

Too young...

...all. (With the exception of the Sergeant, all were young enough to be my kids, and look barely old enough to drive. Does it make you want to rethink or re-evaluate your life?)

To honour the fallen since last time.

UK (6)

US (Cali, Tex, Col, Illi, Md, Ky, Fla, Va)

Finally...

... warmed up to the hot stage of whatever this is. I have now taken to blowing my nose with paper towel instead of toilet paper. The head pressure thing is mostly gone and I had been trying to sleep as much as I could. Was delivered of Lipton's Soup, Eggo Waffles and milk, as per my taste bud's request, as well as other groceries yesterday from big sis, so I have eaten, but I have been craving a big, thick, juicy steak, or chips... or burger. Seem to be slightly more "with it" and was up enough to flip through the blogs, and found this. Cracked me up.

 

YouTubeLink.

Scary...

Let's just say that my musical interests were rather... eclectic. Feeling as though liquid ice was being spurted through my veins, had this song pop into my head. (Warning) When I went agoogling for a link, I was rather surprised to find that it was from 1986, probably about the same time I got into Metallica. I might have actually had the vinyl album?

Why is it...

that I can feel so awake with so little sleep? That a body so in need of rest and recovery would fight the thing that it needs the most? I feel awake, but my brain isn't, so I'll steal from my earlier email explanation. "Head was in a vise all night... I just sneezed a few minutes ago ... I had tried to hold it in and as such, it felt as though I had ripped out my throat. Nice."

Speaking of ice cold...

This was taken a few days after these. The picture came to mind as I was commenting about freezing last night.

Feels like ages ago...

I haven't been this kind of sick in a long time. Or maybe it just seems like a long time considering I used to catch something almost every three months when I was at the old office job. I knew I had written something on the blog the last time, so I went to check and found that it was April 25, 2010. Not quite two years, but it feels like ages ago.

Didn't sleep much last night, not for lack of trying. Even though my body felt warm, I was freezing. I put a fleece turtleneck on top of my long-sleeve t-shirt and fleece pants on top of my flannel PJ pants. Was up every hour on the hour like clockwork, from 2:11, 3:11, etc... until 7, expelling the evil spirits known as ... snot and phlegm. I slept sometime after that, and only woke up because the phone rang. Needless to say, I scared the guy who called... I sounded that bad. His wife was knocking at the door as we spoke, but I couldn't get to the door. Besides, I know I looked a fright worse than I sounded.

The funny thing right now is that I don't feel tired, and if I'm sitting up straight, it seems to be fine, except for a slight throbbing in my head, and if I don't try to swallow. I think an ice cold glass of milk would be nice.

Friday night funny...

Just a video that I had found last year, sent to someone, and which came back into my thoughts recently. It still cracks me up. 

YouTubeLink. (Views 514,580)

Sick?

I remember back to when I was working the rather long-standing office job, I used to hope that if I got sick, that it would be on the weekend. If you don't understand "that job was my life", then you won't understand this concept.

***

Quite often when I got sick, I would have moments of perfect clarity of vision... even if my head was swimming and I could barely stand.

***

Despite the mom endorsed apple juice and/or Ginger Ale to make a sick kid feel better, I found more often than not, ice cold milk to be my beverage of choice for the sore throat and head cold, regardless of the pre-existing quantity of phlegm.

***

Funny thing when I'm not feeling up to par, for some reason, food seems to be tastier. I had just finished mentioning to someone earlier today that I felt like Lipton's Chicken Noodle Soup, and a little bit later there was a knock on the door and it was aged father with an order of Chinese BBQ Pork Noodle Soup, one of my favourites. He didn't even know that I was sick. Damn it was good and hot... and salty, but good. Then, at 9:54pm, there was another knocking on the door, which is strange enough, but it was big sister with two bags in her hands. One was Chicken Noodle Soup from Tim Hortons and the other was a Junior Chicken and Filet o Fish from McDonalds. How could I refuse? So instead of going to bed early, I got to eat again. Just the Junior Chicken and Soup though, the Filet o Fish went home with her because she figured it would make me puke, even though I probably could have fit it in. Did I mention when I catch cold I get hungry too?

***

Speaking of sick, how about this gem? My type of thing. I'm a wee bit twisted that way. Funny, I had come across it late last year, and at the time had never heard the boy before. Had sent it to someone at the time and I found it again today looking for something else in Gmail. Still makes me laugh.

Laughter and food, the bestest medicine.

On the way home...

... walking the other day.

I wanted to call this Coming Home or Heading home, but those titles were already taken. The picture seemed vaguely familiar as well.  

(Okay, I'm going to sleep now, no ifs, ands or buts.)

I tried...

Not feeling quite right with something going on with my throat and me in general earlier. I felt as though I was swimming inside my head. Or...  something more like I couldn't think properly because there was a little rubber ducky swimming around inside my head. I was in bed with lights off before 9pm. Gasp! Unbelievable! But... yes, if I'm in bed that early, something is definitely wrong. I know I slept ... I dreamed a dream. For some reason, against better judgment, I had climbed into the back of a pickup truck. I don't know why. I don't actually think that climbing into it was part of the dream itself. I was sitting in the back trying to decide when I should get out, but by the time I decided, it had picked up a little too much speed and went much farther up a mountain road than I should have gone. I was starting to get a little worried, so opened up the back canopy, slid out and jumped from the moving vehicle. As I was sliding out, I saw the driver and passenger look back, and I knew they were going to stop. I survived the jump, and limping badly, started to walk back down the road. The truck stopped and the driver, a smarmy, dark looking man started talking to me, and I stopped to turn around. He approached and I noticed he had a rock in his fist. He started trying to hit me with the rock, but he kept missing. I woke up. It was only 11:56pm. My entire body was hot. I would consider it another one of those... what I call "fever dreams". As for getting a little extra sleep in? I tried.

Shades of darkness...

In darkest night I lift the curtain

before my eyes

and see blackness that fades

into shapes and lines

the trees, the road, the grass,

in shades of darkness

but the sky - a deep void,

discloses nothing.

Not sure when I wrote this one as there is no date from whence it came, but I'm thinking late teens or early twenties as it seems sort of experimental, or maybe just lazy, in structure.

Ascension

I had originally posted a picture called "Launch" last year, and I still had this shot, which probably preceded it, in my cell phone. It was a little play on words because although the picture itself reminded me of something taking off into the sky, it was actually the gravel path down to the river used as a boat launch.

It's been two years...

since I wrote this.

I essentially didn't know how to blog, what I was going to blog about, how to put spaces in between paragraphs, how to "Edit HTML", how to add a link or pictures or post videos, how to share me... not even how to respond to comments apparently. (Hard to believe I actually got two comments on my very first outing.) Here I am 1043 posts later. I learned how to blog... now all I have to do is learn how to live my life.

Sitting outside

... a gas station parking lot.

But nowhere else?

It was a beautiful sunny day, but rather chilly, at least to me in this aging skin of mine. I was prepared for the chill, but when I went outside... I looked down and there was a layer of snow on three or four of the stairs... but... nowhere else.

I found it!

I thought I had written something about it here before, but I can't seem to find anything relating to it. One year many years ago, when I still used to buy cooking/baking magazines, I found a recipe in Chocolatier, for a delicious and almost (almost) decadent chocolate cake. I remember that mom made that cake for my birthday, but I wasn't sure if it was that same year or not. Anyways, I think she made it to accompany my birthday dinner... one of my favourite meals... Chicken Cordon Bleu. Oh, so damn good that was, I can almost taste it, more than twelve years later. Well, a while ago I had started sorting through things and moving stuff around and had stacked a bunch of the Chocolatier magazines together. I looked through a few of them and then just left them neatly stacked somewhere in the room. The other day I was grabbing some reading material for to occupy some time whilst at McDonalds, and happened to pick up one of those magazines. As I was sitting there, I started to flip through the pages and near the very end.... there it was. The pages rather worn and a little torn, with mom's "X" beside the recipe.

So today, I was scanning it in to save the recipe and I looked at the date on the cover. It was from March, 1998. Hard to believe... fourteen years. I had almost forgotten the sappy lovely (couldn't think of any other word) little story that accompanied the Chocolate Cake with White Chocolate Buttercream and Dark Chocolate Ganache. Drooling just thinking about it.

The End again?

The world was supposed to have ended as we turned to the year 2000, but also last May 21st, and probably countless other times in the past couple centuries, but also this coming December... Anyways, in regards to the end of the world as we know it, I posted a funny bit here, a serious bit here, something else here, and I noticed in the last little while that there were a slew of big action blockbustery type movies being churned out just under the wire. I had started a post on them all, but never got around to putting it together. I went to see what else was coming out and found one that ended up being the nudge for writing this tonight. Rather curious if they threw around any other titles before coming up with "Seeking a Friend for the End of the World". It stars Steve Carell, who I think is perfectly suited for this role, and Keira Knightley as his neighbour who ends up as his travel companion.

Kinda makes me wonder if there are a lot of people trying to cash in on the December 2012 thing, or more people with their bucket lists trying to check off those "things to do before I die". I don't think I've ever thought about such a list for myself. It just would be nice to be able to figure out this life thing first.

The day I call someone "honey"...

"... That'll be about the time that you'll see garden gnomes in my yard."

(Sometimes the stuff I say in conversation is way better than what I write here.)

Sounds like a plan...

"Organize a picnic or a hostile takeover (or both)."

That was part of my horoscope for March, or this week, I can't remember which. Not that I'd do either, but... oddly enough they do both appeal to me. 

Holy crap...

I had googled Mr. Tumnus for a recent post and found a link to a "holy crap" piece. I didn't read the whole thing, just enough to garner that particular reaction.  Egads.  I actually didn't think I should put a link because I don't really want to generate traffic to it. Imagine if you're some grade school kid who decides to google the beloved character.

Little Evil Mini-Me: Sunday Death and Destruction

The other night, one line from a song came into my mind... "Come and die with me". (Yes, Death has been drifting in and out of my consciousness moreso as of late again.) Was trying to remember what song it was and finally figured it out. Went agoogling to find a link and found this. Warning: Music (rap) and language (not for sensitive little ears). If you don't like the music, you could even turn the volume down and just watch the video montage. I think I may have a thing for things that fly with guns and make a lot of noise. Hmm... or maybe it is just the death and destruction aspect.

All kidding aside, watching that video brought back to mind the footage of a British pilot flying safely back to base with "a bit of a crack and a bleed there"... after being shot at... in the head. Grace under pressure to a new level that.

Not sure why, but...

a song from way back popped into my head last night and it hasn't gone away yet. Listening to it again, it still is a pretty cool tune. Actually I think I was thinking of two songs, the other one was this: 

The funny thing is that I don't think I listened to them that much when I was in high school, except that I remember this song better than the others. It's just weird the kind of stuff that drifts back every once and a while.

 

A man and his axe...

I read it and wrote this, but I didn't know they'd make it this soon. I greatly enjoyed the book, so I'm a little excited, which I rarely get (if ever), about the movie.

When I watched the trailer, I noticed that this was directed by Timur Bekmambetov. I remember watching a vampire or something movie he had done a few years back, which had some interesting shot sequences. He then went on to direct Mr. Tumnus  and Angelina Jolie in "Wanted". Very creative mind's eye he seems to have.

 

I don't know what it is but...

My brain today feels as though it is compressed in a vise and is gently throbbing. I am calm, but at the same time coiled up, as if something is going to just release and spring up such that all the parts, nuts, bolts and screws fly off in all directions. Nice visual eh?

That was how I described myself as I was sitting in the kitchen earlier. It wasn't a headache or congestion, it just ... was.

 

The web

Another picture from somewhen back in the 90s. All I remember is that one morning I stepped outside on the front porch and there was a huge spider web sparkling in the sun from the roof to the railing. Oh... and that I had no idea how the photo would turn out.

Have you ever heard

something so beautiful that it makes you cry ... and smile?

Not expecting to find that. I had gone searching for a link to a very touching love song which to my utter shock I found out was written by Bob Dylan. (Could you imagine him singing it? Me neither.)

How people find my blog...

If you could use one word to describe your blog, what would it be? I was just thinking about that because of content, as well as some of the Search Keywords that people have used to find there way here. A while back, someone came here by way of googling this entire quote from a movie: "Accept the enormity. Give up illusions of containment. The hardest fact of all is that no matter what the outcome, it is unlikely you can ever again be the person you have been until now." Anyways, I chuckled over a few of the search words the last couple days, not just because of "what" the words were, but because of the variety, considering that my life is so ... linear. I could call my blog "varied"... maybe even "eclectic"? I don't know.  Some other search words used in the past have been "car nipples" and "hairy unwashed".

And then there was something I really got a kick out of. Kind of cool that someone would visit from the U.S. Department of Justice yes? But scroll down and take a look at what made me burst out laughing. Whoever you are? You made my day.

The Sleepless Night

I open my eyes unto the darkness and in its stead find a mirror.

Doodles from the past...

I found some sketches I did when I was sixteen. I do know that I had a problem with proportions, and often the nose or something would be too long or too small, or something along those lines. I also seem to recall having an easier time with faces facing a certain direction for some reason. What helped a great deal was looking at photographs or comic books and trying to duplicate the pictures that grabbed my attention. "Trying" being the operative word. Occasionally I ventured out into sketching things in real life, or from my imagination, but not very often. One thing I know I could draw back then was eyes.

I don't think I attempted scenery that often.

 I think I had more fun with the comic books.

Pencil, all on 8 x 10.

The Mistress

She sits beside you in the truck

She is waiting at home for you when you return

She is your best friend, your lover, your very Soul

She is your life blood, your water, your very breath

You need her, you want her, you crave her

She makes you happy when you are sad

She makes you feel when you feel nothing

She makes you numb when you feel too much

She is your inner voice, your scream, your confessor

You love her, hate her, you cannot live without her

She gazes at you longingly as you sit at the table

She whispers in your ear sweet nothings

She is your Siren, your lullaby, your dirge

She is your Life, your Eternity, your Death...

but you are not hers.

cki Feb 29 2012