Quiet and stillness are like bread and butter to me, and in the best of times, Yorkshire pudding with butter melting on top. Peanut Butter and honey. Butter and syrup. Bacon and eggs. Mashed potatoes and gravy. You get the picture. Good things all, but in excess, not. Quiet and stillness, like these things, nourish my soul. I find comfort in them. What remains after all is said and done? Quiet and stillness. They draw me ever inward. They pull me away from the chaos of the outside world and draw me closer to the Earth and to my centre. The very things that ground me are the very things that take me further away from the Circle of Life.
I am quiet and stillness.
I am dead.
The question is... what can bring me back to life? What can re-animate me? How can I bring myself back? Not to exist only for the sake of existing. Not to live solely for the sake of living. To serve a purpose. To be of value to someone. To have meaning. Can I retain the quiet and stillness that I have become and yet live? Is it that I wanted nothing more or is it that I wanted nothing more than I wanted something? To exist is to live solely out of necessity. Should there not be something more? I know I have written about this before... I have definitely thought about it beyond the beyond of reasoning. In essence, I have thought it to death. What it boils down to is that I think by now I should have reached beyond the point of merely trudging through life. I should be able to force myself to not sleepwalk the day.
I am standing still and yet I search for something. What is it that I seek? What can I hope to find by not moving forward? The thing that I can almost taste. The thing that I can almost touch. The thing that is not a dream, but something tangible just barely out of my reach. The thing that would make life worth living. I never had time to think about it before... and now it seems I have been given too much time... but that it will soon run out. I am complete but I am not yet completed. And thus I struggle... with myself and with the great unknown...
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4 comments:
Considering there's enough food to permanently block all your arteries, is revival possible?
When one spends a lot of time pondering the quiet, stillness, and sleepwalkery of life and death, how then does one find purpose within her self? How much of the external must you permit to intrude in order to identify, develop, and turn what is inward outward toward a goal?
The answer to your question on maintaining quiet and stillness while yet living is both yes and no.
No, not if you seek it as an end-state. Quiet and stillness are modes, mechanisms that assist you on your way to your destination.
Yes, by setting your environment, and conditions, and setting a goal, or goals that encourage quiet and stillness.
I'm hungry again. Did you save any pudding? :)
Make someone happy.
Dave:
The "revival" bit... good one.
Hmm... Quiet and stillness are the cause and effect of my ponderance. They took me to a good place but then tried to bury me in it. They brought me peace, but then stymied any desire to move forward and... obliterated any hint of a possible goal or inspiring thought. They were my helping hand, but now grasp too tight.
Ah... "pudding"... a misnomer for Yorkshire pudding.
CrosbyK:
Would that it were that simple.
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