Greetings from Spockgirl Musings, where logic rules, but the frailties of
human nature, genetic inadequacies and hormonal imbalances wreak havoc.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Another goodbye...



Death is a funny thing. You live and then you die. Death is final. I knew this as a kid. Something is in your life and then it is gone. End of story. Was there emotion attached to Death? Perhaps, perhaps not. Perhaps it was because there was no attachment to the life that died, I do not know. Funny, as I was writing this, considering my apparent lack of memory, I started thinking about Death in my life, and a bunch of actual memories came to mind, all at once. Interesting. Suffice it to say some people died and I remember some of those moments in time but not all of them. At one point, Death became personal and with it came a sense of sadness because I lost something that I was attached to. I dealt with that overwhelming sadness rather perfunctorily and moved on. After that, Death became simply Death again, but with it came the understanding of empathy, wherein I felt a deeper sadness for someone else's loss, not for a loss of my own.  In the last few weeks, I knew Death was coming once again... I just didn't know when. When I got the call from her daughter, it hit me a little harder for some reason. It bugged the hell out of me that I hadn't gone to see her in the hospital before she died. She wasn't someone that I had known all my life or with whom I was close to, but had come to think of as a mom-like mentor figure. Visits and chats at her Antiques shop in the past several years became part of my life. When I lost my long-standing job and was in the process of making a huge decision of starting my own business, her words were simply "Just do it." I realize now that another reason her Death hits a bit harder is because she was such an "alive" person and personality.

I found out on Thursday that the service was today. I knew I was going. I was running late. I was hot. I was walking briskly, getting hotter with each step. What came to mind was the  70 year old spunky gray haired little ball of fire in her jeans and running shoes, walking everywhere.  I climbed the steps into the church hall and made it to the top just as the service was starting. I already knew that I wouldn't be sitting, so I found my niche just outside the doorway. I remember the last time I was at this church was for her husband's funeral two years ago. I remember when I climbed the steps that time, she was at the top and I handed her a Cadbury Fruit and Nut bar because I knew it was one she liked and that she probably hadn't eaten much of anything that day. Today, as last time, the service was casual, which is probably what she had asked for. She was a regular church-going lady, so the service was also full of personal touches. From it, I learned that we had a lot more in common than I knew of. Speaking of things in common, I remember one of our conversations about kids a few years back. She had kids and grandkids and a great-granddaughter who she talked about, but she had mentioned that she didn't really like having kids "around"... I knew what she meant. Funny thing today... a woman had come into the church about a half hour after me, a young girl of two or three with her. That little girl walked around talking to herself and eventually ended up crawling around my feet, under the table and around again, at will. I smiled to myself because it reminded me of that conversation.

She had married at 18 and the two of them were together  for over fifty years, separated only by her husband's Death. I like to think that they are with each other again.

She had asked for one parrticular song to be played three times at her service. For some reason, I am certain that they only played it twice. Anyways, I had heard the song before , but did not know until today who wrote and sang it originally , nor did I know that there were so many versions out there.   I think this one  is my favourite.

6 comments:

thormoo said...

Interesting that this subject has come up for you as well. At 11a yesterday I attend a funeral for the mother of a close friend. Exactly 2 weeks before, to the day and hour, I was sitting in the very same Funeral Home Chapel for a long time family friend's funeral. I'm not typically a person that buys into this "major events like death come in three's" type belief but I'd be less then honest if I didn't admit that I'd thought about who might be next?

Funny in the not so distant past i always figured it would be meet! Not this time though...

I've really been thinking about the significance of human life lately so I did smile when I came across your post this morning....

Big Sister said...

Gremlin2 says you would have heard D's favourite song (yep, it was played thrice) in the first Shrek movie...but also sung at the 2010 Winter Olympics (KD Lang)...but remember...it's Gremlin2...Ze Ebil 'Phew.(Insert evil laughter - his)

KrippledWarrior said...

a nice send off for your friend. Thanks for sharing her with me. I tried really hard, to listen to that song. But it always tears my eyes.

Spockgirl said...

T:
I have noticed on more than a few occasions where you had written blogposts relating to things that I had felt like writing about, which ties into the "freaky" similarities, parallels or wavelength.

I like to think that the whole "bad things come in threes" is just as likely as "three's a charm". It all evens out in the end.

Spockgirl said...

Big Sis:
Wow... I posted this just after 12:30AM... Gremlin2 was up rather late. I had to think for a minute who D was. And... hmm... If I DID hear that song in Shrek I do not remember it. It would appear that I may have a slight tendency to block out musical numbers from movies. I did recall this song being sung at the Olympics, which is why I included the first link to Ms. Lang's version. I highly recommend listening to the third link.

Spockgirl said...

KW:
This song may end up having the same affect on me. I have a feeling it is going to make me all leaky.