Unexpected...

I knew it. I had just missed the third ring of the phone. It was an old friend. I knew something had to be wrong. We had just talked for an hour or more a few days ago... or was it last week? We hadn't talked on the phone for a long time before that, just emails every so often. I quickly checked the message, in which she said she would call me back at 10. I didn't wait... I called back right away. "It's bad news isn't it?" I can't remember her exact words, but it was something to the effect of "Yes, but what made you think it was bad news?". "I just had a feeling." "Gram passed away..." "Shit... I knew it."

We've known each other since we were five years old. Her Gram was one of the women that I was privileged to call Grandma. Even at 94 she was an amazing spirit.

I'm not quite sure why I felt the need to write this. Expressing feelings isn't really my thing. I think a lot of people can't understand how I deal with things, or come to think of it, my friend as well. We internatlize things. For the most part, if we feel sadness, we suck it up, deal with it and move on. That's the only way to do it. There was only one time in my life before this year when I let grief overtake me, but that was it... I dealt with it and moved on. For some reason, this year, something has changed, to what extent I do not yet know. That I am even sharing this is another huge step to I don't know where.