Name that tune?

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I don't know which amazes me more, his digital dexterity or guitar playing ability, his memory or the transitions. (Oh... and there are some songs in there that I didn't even know I knew.)

From The Borderline Sociopathic Blog for Boys.

Wahoo!

I went to bed before midnight! I fell asleep!! I slept for eight hours... straight through!!! Wahoo!

(This is a pretty amazing thing.)

Friday night thrill...

Was listening to this song earlier and went looking for a link. The one I found just about gave me chills.

The old classic. (Funny that I didn't realize until just now that I actually listened to both ladies today, their CDs sandwiched in between Van Halen and Rob Zombie.)

Hmm... Friday evening of a long weekend. Thrilling... I was tempted to take a nap earlier. Kinda sad when sleeping is exciting, the upside being it doesn't take much to constitute a thrill.

Wait... wha?

Silly quiz time... The first one was just dumb.

Your Rock Anthem is "You Give Love a Bad Name"

You're a heartbreaker, and you can't help it. You were born to break hearts! You fall in love easily...but not as easily as other people fall in love with you. Over time, you usually lose interest, and you never hesitate to give a flame the boot. You may give love a bad name, but you're having fun doing it!

What's Your Rock Anthem?

Blogthings: A Fine Line Between Insight and Stupidity

... and then...

Your Love Word is "Devotion"

For you, love is a doing word. You prove your love with the actions you take every day. You are loyal and true to whoever you're in a relationship with. You don't give up unless things are absolutely hopeless. You don't love easily or quickly. You only will fall for someone you truly and completely adore. Once you love, you love intensely. You take love very seriously.

What's Your Love Word?

Blogthings: We'll Tell You The Truth... Someone Has To!

... then this, which was slightly more accurate... (the darn copy/paste HTML code wouldn't work)...

Your Greeting is "Hey"

You are a bit of a wallflower. You're not a big fan of small talk and pointless conversation. You tend to be more of a listener than a talker. You especially hate talking to strangers. You are independent and very creative. You are good at expressing your thoughts, even if you keep most of them private.

Some people may see you as standoffish, but you're really a friendly person. It just takes you a while to warm up.

What Greeting are You?

Life... it's all relative...

"... it's a pretty big thing in the big scheme of things in my little world."

Just part of something I wrote earlier today.

The gray void...

I am lost in this swirling grayness

of perpetual cloud,

which, every now and then,

spits rain in my face.

A cloaked figure

appearing in the mist

laughs at me

and vanishes.

Feb 18, 1997

(This is one of the least noxious bits that I had written in the notebook I found the other day.)

Genetics and the brain

= heart? Fascinating... 20 seconds... hmm... I have to think about that.

Genetics, the human body, the brain... This brings to mind that it is never just one thing that is the determining factor of who we are as human beings, it is an amalgam of many.

Lovin' spoonful...

Walking home from the last day of my regularly scheduled sporting activity tonight, I was thinking to myself that Lipton's cup o' soup sounded good for dinner. I think I had one package left. Have some soda crackers with margarine on them and it would be just right. As I climbed up the front porch steps, I saw a plastic bag sitting behind the peonies that I had left on the bench earlier. I suppose you could say my eyes lit up in a way... I didn't even have to look in the container nestled within the bag... It was cabbage rolls from my friend's mom. (Smiley face thingy.)

Oh... there were four... They have now ceased to exist.

Untitled post...

This morning I noticed a headline that said ... writer and director dies at 71... but on that headline there was no name... What can I say? You've Got Mail, Sleepless in Seattle, Mixed Nuts, When Harry Met Sally... A brilliant, creative, witty woman with an amazing career has passed away.

Hot summer night...

No, not here. No summer to speak of here. Just a song that came back into my periphery tomight. In my adventures of sorting and cleaning up the house (progress has been made), I've come across a few journals and notebooks that I set aside to read through. Anyways... I mentioned this song in one of them. It is Sweet Sorrow, by Joshua Redman, and it always reminded me of a hot summer night. I remember I saw him play live once, but don't recall anything about the concert itself. It may well have been the last one I went to.

I don't know what it is... there's just something about it. The sax sings... but it also speaks. (Even my cat loved this song.)

(Update: Oh... I am giving this particular notebook a four star "holy crap" rating. There are several "poems" in it, that I find absolutely ... uncharacteristic. It is from 1996/1997, and the funny thing is that on the very last page, I wrote a note that I read it over on May 22, 2008. It says... "Holy crap was I ever full of crap.")

Does not compute...

How can you give something up that you don't have?

How can you give up something that you don't have?

How can you give up that which you don't have?

Talk about a brain malfunction. The first question is what popped into my head, but it didn't sound quite right. The second sounded better, but did not seem to convey the thought behind the query. The third one appears to be the correct derivation of said question.

More fluff stuff...

I couldn't get over how big some of the peonies were, but I had no way of showing exactly how big. Today, I was trimming the stems and changing their water and decided to see how they would look against the black background of the stovetop. The last picture above is when I first cut them a few days ago and had them sitting on the bench outside. The first two pictures are in the kitchen today. And... no, I'm not wearing a white glove... That is my arm in a plain old white cotton long sleeve t-shirt. I like the look for some reason.

His last battle...

136 years ago today, Myles W. Keogh died at the age of 36 at the Battle of Little Bighorn.

Pretty in pink

Peonies a plenty...

and roses that remind me of Redoute.

(Some from the other side of the house a couple years ago.)

This reminds me of the time many moons ago when my sister tried to convince me to buy a pale pink linen dress. It was a very simple long a-line with a chemise style bodice. It did not look good. The cut nor the colour. Just because I had rosy cheeks did not mean that I suited a pink dress, especially that particular style. I ended up buying a long bias cut, sage-light olive coloured linen one with straps instead and I know for sure that that pink thing would have remained in my closet unworn until I got rid of it, whereas the green one was a wardrobe staple. (Oh... but way, way, way back... in high school, I do know that mom made me a pale pink strappy mini-dress for one of the dances. AND... I had a fuschia dress for another. OMG!!! It is all flooding back now. The horror of the 80s. Pouffy hair, shoulder-pads, colour... gah. I think that was the last hurrah before I went into the all black bit.)

Oh... the funny thing about pink is that when I was a little girl, my favourite colour was purple, but I think that pink things were easier to come by. When I picked out a china pattern with my mom, the one I chose had a plethora of ... pink roses on it. Of course I grew out of that choice, but it is still very pretty, just rather ... busy for my tastes. I think that even then, I found and appreciated the beauty in things, even if it was something that wasn't particularly me.

Word association...

free

girl

poop

closeup

photo

gallery

What do these words have in common? Nothing you say?

Um... yeah...  that's just...

Monday?

I knew what day it was this morning when I went to sleep, but for the life of me I did not know what day it was this morning when I woke up. What came to mind was ... thank god it's Sunday.

Only You

"You make your own destiny... Don't wait for it to come to you."

Tonight I was deciding between watching "Die Hard with a Vengeance" or "Only You", both of which I still only have on VHS. Although I wasn't really in the mood for a romantic comedy, I chose "Only You" because I was thinking of sifting through an old journal whilst watching. (Can't do that during an action movie.) I hadn't seen it in quite a while, and tonight something came back to me. I had somewhat of an OMG moment... I remember having a pair of pale yellow pants just like those when I was in middle school. Yellow? Yellow pants? Me? Was I nuts? That's just plain weird. Anyways shortly after that moment, the gypsy woman says to the main character "You make your own destiny... Don't wait for it to come to you." I just found that rather odd considering that my fortune cookie from dinner today said "Be assertive and you will win." This, in addition to that Carpe Diem crap that's come up a couple times in the last little while, seems to be another one of those nudges... precursors if you will, to the forthcoming swift kick in the arse.

Thinking...

One of the greatest things in life at any given time, is simply knowing that someone is thinking about you.

I wrote that in response to a comment here a short time ago, signed out and came back in because it just struck me how profound that simple little truth is.

Ha, ha, ha...

The quietness you're currently experiencing is unlikely to last long, so don't forget to be thankful for these quiet times - you're going to have a heck of a lot of good fun though in the coming months.

This is my "romantic" horoscope from Laughsend for today. I laughed a quiet hardy laugh because of the "quietness" that I'm currently experiencing... Can you say... understatement?

The harbinger

of... blogdeath... am I?

I started my blog three years ago this past March, which means I only began reading blogs about the same time. In the time that has passed, the first longstanding blog that I began regularly commenting on ended due to the blogger deciding to move on. The second one has simply ceased to write on his blog, which is a shame. A few that I found along the way, or that found me via comments on other blogs have since simply ended... Two have been deleted and one no longer posts. Another has been closed down, and yet another has been taken over by an advertisement. Of these, one I had a feeling might have to shut down because of the path the blogger was taking in life and, in my mind would not be able to continue to blog about the particular career of choice. Another one I worry about because he was struggling through some critical life issues and working through them via the blog. It seemed that it was rather abruptly removed. One was a limited run blog due to the nature of its content and another was a life/destination blog about the same age of mine that had grown exponentially in popularity which may be why the site is now an advertisement instead of a blog. I know... life goes on... things change, but it was nice to visit completely different places and views.

Funny the diversity of those blogs, now that I'm trying to think back... There was an ad man in New York who played in a marching band and blogged about life in general, a young former U.S. Marine and Veteran's advocate who wrote beautifully and had a wonderful eye, a young woman embarking in life and a career with law enforcement, a Canadian soldier making his way through PTSD, a guy in England who wrote only about Meg Ryan and Michelle Pfeiffer movies and a young dad who wrote about life and times in Scotland in an engaging manner. There are some blogs that I used to read but that I don't check regularly anymore, so there is a chance there might be more that have gone by the wayside. As for me, I've been tempted to stop a few times, and this last lull of mine which I thought was three days without posting was actually four. Did I miss it? Not really. In those few days did I feel as though I should have posted something... anything? Nope. Was there a major change in my outlook on life? Nope. I could go on with these questions, but I won't. I'm still here. I still don't know why.  

Korn nut...

"Listening to my head and not my gut

Constantly thinking and thinking and thinking

And thinking and thinking and thinking"

(From "Let the Guilt Go" by Korn)

The longest day...

Oh... I'm not in bed yet. I haven't showered yet. But... what's that? I can hear the birds chirping outside. Today apparently is the first day of summer, the longest day of the year. At least I'm not in knots again, it's something else that I just can't quite place. And, no, no caffeine... not even any chocolate. Something is just not quite right.

Reflections from a canoe...

These are some photos I scanned in tonight, that are from my one and only camping trip with a bunch of friends. I can't quite remember when it was, and I only remember bits and pieces from the trip. One thing that stands out is that it was freezing cold at that elevation during the night and I only had my summer weight sleeping bag. Oh... and it was beautiful up there. I'm trying to place when it was, and all I know is that it was after I started losing my eyesight and had regained some after treatments, but before mom died I think. I'm not sure.

The Watcher

My cat Storm.

Lucky

"everyone whose life you touch is lucky"

Last weekend I was finally motivated enough to undertake the task of trying to straighten out the house. It has been over two years since it was taken over by the leftover contents of my store, and even though I gave it a go of setting up shop here, it was essentially useless. It has now been months... months... and I just could not tackle anything. At all... Oh... I have previously attended to impromptu tidying up of the kitchen, but that never lasts long, and it is the most lived in room, so it doesn't really count. It gets done out of necessity. Anyways, it has only been a few days since I began this overhaul and I can't even remember which room I started in. One thing I do know is that the room that I started in is not the room that I ended up working on. Somehow I got sidetracked and cleaned up the bathroom and then ended up in the dining room/office space sorting through business paperwork, getting rid of wholesale catalogues, sorting through the table-desk-catchall, sifting through two tables full of books, and other miscellany, throwing things out, sweeping, inhaling dust and dried lavender along the way, and basically moving things around to other places. It had all seemed overwhelming before, and in some respects it still is, as I have only completed half the dining room. It is less than 8' by 13'. You'd be surprised how much stuff you can fit in such a small space, and that doesn't even include collected items in there that are in order and tidy. Last night I didn't stop until about 3AM... I finally cleared off the table-desk space and moved a smaller sofa table to the spot it had occupied below the window. The small two tiered table I had nestled underneath the desk, housing the wireless gateway thingy and other miscellaneous items no longer fit, so I had to come up with an alternative. A half-moon table I had seemed as though it would fit nicely... Just barely... a scant half inch to spare. Lucky. Anyways... you can see a lot more floor in the dining room... the downside being that I now have two kitchen tables sitting in the kitchen. If my hips were an inch bigger, I wouldn't be able to navigate my way through there. I have a feeling that that extra table I had been using as a desk probably won't work out in the tv room for the same purpose, unless I come up with another plan for the other stuff in there. Hmm... and I still have to figure out what to do with the printer that has been sitting on the kitchen table since I got it. Turns out that the little wire shelf I had been using in the dining room for storage and which I had designated for printer duty was not deep enough. Poo. On the upside, I found out that that shelf fits nicely in the tiny bedroom closet.

I had been making my way through this crap for three days and was planning on doing some more tonight after the regularly scheduled sporting activity. However... I decided not to... I figured I'd take a break and sort through a small bag that contained a few envelopes of photos from some time in the late 90s. I had looked through them quickly when I found the bag and knew that I would want to scan some in. Anyways... in a small envelope there was a photo that someone had taken of our old cat, together with a drawing by my niece, probably from when she was about three or four.

It was a drawing of her Grandma smiling. As I was pulling out stuff from the bag, I found another envelope with the word "Mom" on it in my writing. I looked at it wondering what it could be. In it there was a card that had on the front "everyone whose life you touch is lucky." Inside were the words... "(including me.) merry christmas" To which I had added "Mom". Underneath, I put "From (me) 2000". (When I used to write poems and draw, I always used to put the date and time. When I did cards I used to put the year in.) She died on December 11 of that year. I vaguely recall on that day that I was getting stuff ready for Christmas. The sentiment in that card still stands to this day and I know that my niece, who even though only four when mom died, agrees.

Knots

Nothing...

yet so much... 

all at once.

Not quite

the Saturday morning funnies... but still... An inspired film noir with a simple twist of the head. (Oh... and it made me laugh.)

Little Quentin from Anikey Studios on Vimeo.

Curtsy to Harvey at Bad Example.

How soon is now?

Had a song in mind tonight, so went agoogling for it, and lo and behold, it was another cover. The funny thing is the voice sounded so very familiar, and I didn't know until now that it is the lead singer of... get this... the Psychedelic Furs... (yes I should have known that)... who I mentioned not too long ago. Apparently after that band disbanded, he formed Love Spit Love. The song is "How Soon Is Now?" which is on the soundtrack to "The Craft", and as I recall, the subsequent tv spinoff "Charmed". Oddly enough, the original is from 1984, by ... the Smiths.... who I have also written about before. Still spinning around in circles am I.

Speaking of spinning around in circles... earlier, I once again went against my better judgment and ate a Poutine (yes, the famed "heart attack in a bowl")... with a... real homemade style Chocolate Milkshake... (They give you the milkshake in a parfait glass with whipped cream on top, as well as the leftovers in the metal cup that is used to blend it.) See, my first instinct was just to order the Poutine, and save space for a Slurpy later, but I didn't do that. Why or why don't I go with my first instincts? I must say... six, seven hours later, my stomach was still protesting my choice and clearly voicing its displeasure, even after expelling the evil lactospiritus thrice. At least now both the internal spinning and gurgling have ceased.

Talk about spinning... I confess that I actually spent a fair bit of a lovely Friday evening reading the one hundred eighty-six comments on one of my regular daily blog reads. I have to say that after reading things like that, regardless of what I consider my mental inabilities, hence the spinning... I feel much better about who I am, how I comport myself, and the way my brain works.

Dance me to the end...

Some songs you fall in love with the first moment you hear them... This is one ... It just happened to come up again tonight when I was agoogling for something completely unrelated, so of course I went on a tangent looking for a link.

I first heard it on this album, which I highly recommend especially if you are one of those people who say you don't like jazz.

Hark...

What light through yonder window breaks?

Methinks my clock is screwed up again.

Moving along now...

Further to that previous polyester infested bellbottomed nastiness, the beginning of this song reminded me of something by the Beatles, and then the vocals and percussive element sounded a lot like Nine Inch Nails, but oddly enough it wasn't. However upon agoogling, I found out that there is a connection. Nonetheless, I like the NINness of it. The musical aspect.

I have no idea whatsoever what is going on with my mind lately... again... still. I am however thankful that music can still engage my thoughts, since precious little else in this realm seems capable of same. I just feel both tired and restless... at the same time.

EvilZombieGirl...

Remember this band? How about this song of theirs? I have no bloody clue why, but I do remember them ... and yes, perhaps I am evil for putting those here. At least I'm not embedding the videos. Ah... well... I would not do this without a reason. Tonight... I was listening to another old soundtrack and after it finished, I went agoogling. The particular song I went looking for was this:

and, what I found out was ... this. Oh my... (And no, I'm not exactly fond of the 70s. Kind of makes me wonder why I can remember this type of crap, but very little else from back then.)

Inspiring...

and somehow fitting in a twisted sort of way considering the previous post.

 

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Had taken note of it here and here.

Oops...

Not really funny, but... Those poor ankles! It was painful just watching it. (Not going to comment on the fashion industry.)

From the Borderline Sociopathic Blog for Boys.

Not that old...

Never too old. But damn... she looks old for 58 don't you think?

"You will be safe in here..."

Had the words "maybe everybody's insane" drift into my head and for some reason I thought it might be from a song by Our Lady Peace, but maybe not. Anyways, the song that then came up was "Clumsy".

"Maybe you should sleep... maybe you just need a friend"

I'm quite sure I've mentioned them before. Yes... that is correct... I saw them in concert when they opened for Alanis Morisette. The funny thing is that I don't remember the concert at all, but I remember the concert t-shirt I got ... Oddly enough, I think it had a tank on it.  

The memory remains...

My head hurts. I'm tired but as you can tell I am not sleeping. I can hear the rain outside coming in waves. Had a song in my head further to this bit I wrote the other day, so I went agoogling just now... Never saw the video before tonight, but it is actually pretty cool, and oddly appropriate, the swing being somewhat akin to my hamster wheel. Anyways... for some reason, I thought Marianne Faithful had a bit more vocals in it, but I guess not. The memory remains... just not all of it.

Okay... I'm going... good night morning.

"And as they leave they cross my mind..."

Was thinking about this song tonight. You'll have to forgive me for posting the link to that particular version I just found. Yes, even watching that makes me cry.

To honour the fallen since last time:

U.S. (California (5), Illinois, Georgia (3),
        Florida (2), Japan (yes that is where
        he resided), Washington, Indiana,
        New Jersey, Colorado, Texas, Ohio,
        North Carolina, Maryland, Virginia,
        Maine, Oklahoma
UK (2)
France (4)

One Peace

The Peace Rose...

 (Hard to believe how well those photos turned out back then.)

The yellow rose is a symbol of

Joy, Gladness, Friendship, Delight

... a new beginning.

One of only two yellow flowers I would ever willingly put in my garden. (You can see the purple heads of the chives that I planted next to it.) Looks like this might be the only bloom on this rosebush this season.

 

This close-up looked much more ethereal in real life, with the sunlight almost glowing through the petals.

This is ... nice...

considering this...

Oh and speaking of nice... It had been four weeks or so since I'd been grocery shopping and one of the items I picked up was the usual large package of baby spinach. In order to make it last much longer than it normally would, I put a piece of paper towel folded in half on top of the spinach and turn the package upside-down to absorb the excess moisture. So... today... I went to get the package out of the fridge and quickly in slow motion, the spinach came tumbling out as the improperly secured lid flipped open. Spinach all over the floor. No emotion... no swearing... not even an audible sigh. I just thought to myself "sigh". I carefully picked up the top layer to save what I could and was resigned to let the rest go into the compost. Perhaps the reason that I wasn't upset is because I was focused on what the spinach was being used for today... I had just fried up a sirloin beef patty with cheddar for a burger.

Tranquility

I think in this case the blurry aspect suits the feel, or breathes the feeling. Almost reminds me of a painting now that I think about it.

Diamonds in the sky...

Had this song in my head...

not quite sure why.

Then... that made me think of "diamonds in the sky", from this:

The rather funny thing is that I had recently mentioned the Deftones in a post I called "Underneath the Stars". For some reason, I get the impression that my journey through the blog is tied together with the stagnant nature of my life during the same time period, and that this extra time I have been gifted with in which to struggle with myself is one small part of the giant cosmic puzzle. And... the journey... the puzzle... isn't a straight line... it is like a constellation where you look at the stars and connect the dots. Would that it were that simple.

Ah.... food...

Finally went grocery shopping yesterday evening. I think it has been at least four weeks since I went last. A lot of things I needed were on sale, and as I traversed the aisles, I found a few extra bits as well. Even though it all fit into the one carry basket, with the toilet paper tucked under my arm, it was quite a haul. The total was a lot higher than usual because I picked up a couple meat items (which I don't do all the time) and a couple extra dairy products. They had sirloin burger patties on at 4 for $5, which I couldn't pass up. Also picked up a package of Johnsonville Bratwurst for a change instead of the plain old wieners. Oh... and fresh jumbo strawberries... Jumbo indeed, and so good. After having those hot dogs for dinner (I guess I had forgotten how much more tasty they are than the regular ones), I decided to slice up a few strawberries and add a little Creamo, a couple spoons of sour cream and some Splenda. Yum... I think I might like this mixture better than whipped cream. Maybe...

Oh... almost forgot... Was treated to dinner yesterday and decided to have something I hadn't had for a really long time, and not at this particular restaurant before. A Reuben... OMG... it was damn good... There's just something about corned beef and sauerkraut... I very rarely have it, but it is another one of those things that falls into comfort food zone. Arghhh... I can almost taste it now.

Conversations kill...

In a conversation earlier, the matter of me being divebombed by a crow the other day came up, which then brought up Brandon Lee, his movie "The Crow", and the movie soundtrack. I went into the soundtrack drawer and pulled out that one and a couple others to listen to tonight. I knew it had some great songs on it, but hadn't listened to it for a few years. Funny that there's another Cure song to start it off (I've mentioned them in a couple recent posts). Actually all the songs are pretty cool, but listening to Big Empty, I realized that I went through a Stone Temple Pilots phase at some point... I don't remember when it was or the songs specifically, but I recall that I used to greatly enjoy singing along to them for some reason. (I may have to revisit them soon.)

Anyways... I remember that Brandon died from an accidental gunshot during filming of the movie, and I remembered that this song was one of those that hit me...

I also found this:

He was only 28 when he died.

(I sort of get the feeling that I have been getting a cosmic smack or three on the side of the head.)

The scourge

(part of conversation)

"Met a few interesting bugs in the garden."

(response)

"Ah... I tried to kill one and he wouldn't die. Usually I just leave them be, but I did squish a couple. They seem to hang out where the buttercups are so I justify the killing of them by the fact that they probably assist the stupid buttercups in their quest for ... world domination."

(Which prompted this)

The little buttercups... a scourge... a bright happy yellow plague... the bane of my existence... I do not understand how anyone could have determined that buttercup be used as a term of affection.

Carpe Diem Baby

Ah... The words "time to face the day" were in my head and reminded me of a Metallica song, but for the life of me I couldn't remember which one. I had the music and some of the words in my head, but couldn't quite place it. (Yes... I was even singing it quietly to myself.) Finally it came to me, but I had misremembered it. The song was My Friend of Misery. In my agoogling of the words, I found another one, that I do not remember at all. I've seen them in concert twice, but this, from 2011 actually looks like they were enjoying themselves. But yes, I must say that the song sort of sucks (I can say that because I love them to death), which may be why I don't remember it. Perhaps conveniently forgotten. I just looked it up and it was from Reload. The funny, weird, bizarre thing about this? That the words of the day are "Carpe Diem Baby"... and THIS.

Hit dirt, shake tree

Split sky, part sea

Strip smile, lose cool

Bleed the day and break the rule

Live to win, dare to fail

Eat the dirt and bite the nail

Then make me miss you

Then make me miss you

So wash your face away with dirt

It don't feel good until it hurts

So take this world and shake it

Come squeeze and suck the day

Come carpe diem baby

Draw lead, piss wine

Sink teeth, all mine

Stoke fire, break neck

Suffer through this, cheat on death

Hug the curve, lose the time

Tear the map and shoot the sign

Then make me miss you ou yeah

Then make me miss you

So wash your face away with dirt

It don't feel good until it hurts

So take this world and shake it

Come squeeze and suck the day

Come carpe diem baby

Yeah suck it!!!

Live to win, dare to fail

Eat dirt, bite the nail

Strip smile, lose cool

Bleed the day and break the rule

Hug the curve, loose the time

Tear the map and shoot the sign

Then make me miss you

Come on, come on

Then make me miss you

So wash your face away with dirt

It don't feel good until it hurts

So take this world and shake it

Come squeeze and suck the day

Come make me miss you

Come carpe diem baby

(Carpe Diem Baby by Metallica)

That got me to thinking...

Strange... Waking up immediately from a dream this morning, that seemed more real to life than most, got me to thinking that what I remember from one of the two weeks on my last vacation which I wrote about last night, is perhaps one of the only, if not the only, almost complete memories that I have... from my entire life. Odd and interesting. I only took two vacations in twenty-two years, so how is it that I hardly remember anything about the one week in 1992, but that I remember more clearly the first week of my holiday in 1994, but not the second? Hmm... And, how is it that I remember seemingly so much of that one week? Simply because it was fun?

I still think this has something to do with how I was using my brain and what I was using it for for more than half my life-time. The primary focus was the job, and therefore the memory was applied in order to facilitate the proper completion of tasks related to said primary focus. I remembered anything to do with numbers... files, birthdates, accounts, addresses, postal codes, phone numbers, faxes, etc. How is it then that I remember that particular one week span? Perhaps because I was both physically and mentally removed from the context of the me who I was at work. How does this explain the lack of memories from childhood on? Necessity is the word. I believe I touched on that before and continued here.

I seem to have regained a little clarity today. A little. It is almost as though I have been in a fog or cloudy haze for a while now. Off to face the day.

New and different = crazy

The last vacation I took when I actually went somewhere? 1994. One week in a resort on the North Shore of Oahu, which was like heaven, and one week in Waikiki, which was not quite as relaxing, but still considerably more enjoyable than work, which was pretty busy at that time. I think we played tennis every day and didn't leave the resort on any excursions. Usually in bed with lights off by midnight... and ... I would wake up every morning at 6... without an alarm clock... and go stroll on the beach by myself. No footprints aside from my own... No one else around at all.

My passport expired in 1995... I never got it renewed. I guess I must have somehow known that I wouldn't be going anywhere else. Busy at work, travel buddy getting married and having kids, losing eyesight for a period of time, busy at work, buying a house, busy at work, losing my life twenty plus year job due to an office closure, starting a business and wasting all savings, going into debt... pretty much sealed the deal. Technically I am not even making ends meet now. But... for whatever reason, I charged the $89 fee to my Visa and got a new passport this year. That would have paid for a lot of food, but I did it anyways. I have no plans, I have no money, no credit, but ... I have a freaking passport. The reason why this came up tonight is that I was checking out some horoscopes and I had to guffaw when I read this for today.

"Today you might take a trip, Aries, perhaps a long-distance vacation. This may have been planned in advance, but it could just as easily be spur of the moment. You're in the position where you feel secure enough financially and established enough in your working life to cut yourself a little slack and make time for enjoyment. Do something new and different even if others think you're crazy."

The first time I did something new and different, I knew it was insane, but I enjoyed myself and crashed and burned failed miserably at the endeavour. The second time I tried something new and different was the blog... and I had then and still have now, no idea what I'm doing here. The third time? I felt like a complete idiot. The fourth? I consider myself crazier than after the first one... And ... all of these things occurred during and subsequent to my 40th year on the planet. Oh... one other thing I did after turning that age was have my first taste of coffee. I still like the aroma moreso than the taste. I suppose the same could be said of things "new and different".

(Oh... technically I already went on a long-distance vacation, visiting here today.)

Dark Beauty

Walking home last night from my regularly scheduled sporting activity, just after 8:30pm, I noticed the dark, deep, vibrant colour of these peonies. Gorgeous. (I don't have colour like this in my yard.) Oftentimes the cell phone camera doesn't pick up the proper tones or hue, but I guess because it was a cloudy evening, the colour rang more true. I am quite sure that these weren't blooming yet when I walked by there on Monday, and I did notice there are more yet to come.

It has been an unseasonably cold June thusfar, and compared to May, it is downright winterlike... The furnace even agrees. A couple days ago there was even fresh snow on one of the mountain peaks. Warm dry weather for a few days would be nice, as the lawn definitely needs to be cut AGAIN and much more weeding needs to be done. At least the roses in the garden have started to bloom and the peonies should be out soon. Summer can't seem to get here soon enough.

On my way home...

... walking...

One street away, back in May.

Yesterday around 8:45pm.

I had a feeling that I had used "On the way home" before... How unoriginal. So I changed it... heh.

Freaky

Was walking by the park in town today and there was a crow sitting in one of the tall evergreens, cawing non-stop. Usually there are two or three caws and then a pause, or another crow might take up the call. But this was just one crow. I looked up to the tree to try and place where he was, but didn't see him, as he continued his speech. I was trying to see where he was, hoping to avoid the possibility of being crapped on. I walked about ten feet and felt him fly towards me, my back to him by that time, and whoosh... right at my head. I could almost feel his wings in my hair it was that close. I turned around to see he had flown back in the direction from whence he came, to the top of a lamppost, and I continued on my way, a little rattled. As if that wasn't freaky enough the first time, as I started walking down the sidewalk, he came flying at me again... and felt him brush by my head once more. Needless to say, my heart was beating rather briskly. Talk about a wake-up call. Only thing is... on my way back home, I realized that, in the excitement of the momentary commotion, I had forgotten to do one of the errands I had set out to do.

Empty

Cold... tired... withdrawn for lack of a better word... but different somehow. Not intense, but invasive. The weight of emptiness like a contagion. Lost in the swirling void of uncertainty and unknowing.

Haven't been able to write anything of substance for a while ... mostly because of that. Doesn't help that the brain keeps crapping out on me. Logic, the one thing that keeps me here, but how can you Logick your way out of the unrational? (Yes, that is intentional.) Hmm... I just went completely blank... unable to think or move... as if I were frozen in space and time... I found myself standing in the kitchen the other day like that. The thought that entered my mind at that moment was... so this is what catatonic feels like... Holy crap.

This is why

the internet is evil. I was looking for a song that popped into my head from way back when by Echo and the Bunnymen (Bring on the Dancing Horses) and then what followed was a visit to the past which included the Human League (Human, Don't You Want Me), Psychedelic Furs (The Ghost in You) and some other songs from that time and prior as well (gah) ... I also noticed True by Spandau Ballet on the sidebar but did not listen to it as I had the others... Then the descent into madness... Something else caught my eye, which prompted this post. I find it hard to believe that I used to like them. Why did I? And why did the damn internet regurgitate it? (I think I might still have the vinyl LP somewhere.)

Going... going... gone...

Oh... yeah... I should be... should be sleeping. But I'm not. I've been really good the last few days, having lights off around 12 and 1AM-ish, and getting much more sleep than I have been... even five hours straight through, but still waking up feeling and looking more tired than when I went to bed. Oh well... I suppose I could pretend I am sitting in the sun on a rock at the river... The sound of the water, the warmth of the sun, the fresh air... Wait... is this supposed to help me sleep?

From the walk to the river in May.

Same place about 17 or 18 years ago, but with a better camera.

Sigh.

All right... good night... I'm going.

Classics...

1. "Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

2. "I have a test today. That wasn’t bullshit. It’s on European Socialism. I mean... what’s the point. I’m not European, I don’t plan on being European. They could be fascist anarchists. It still wouldn’t change the fact that I don’t own a car."

3. "I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that."

4. "How many of them really know what they want, though? I mean, a lot of them think they have to know, right? But inside they don't really know, so... I don't know, but I know that I don't know."

Funny thing I just realized thinking about these lines... The generation on the cusp of adulthood when these movies came out (around my age) are now the parents of today's youth.

I'm rather curious to know if most people know which movie classics these are from.

Hidden beauty...

Lavender Crystal Miniature Rose

Unsettled weather the past few days... nothing new. It cleared up by yesterday afternoon so that I could get in about three hours of weeding the garden again. Filled yet another large bag with buttercups, but still haven't finished all the garden beds. In the midst of overgrown weeds and groundcover, there was this flowerhead drooping over, weighing down the fragile stem. At first glance from a few feet away I couldn't tell what it was... Turns out it is the lone bloom on a miniature rosebush that I'd planted a couple years ago, and which is now obliterated from view by the much faster growing weeds. It measures probably less than 2 and a half inches in diameter, but stands out against all that green. It is a beautiful and unusual colour that I would like to have more of, but which doesn't seem to thrive nor survive in my garden. (The colours I don't want tend to do much better.)

On the other side of the sidewalk there's an azalea I put in a few years back, the colour leaning more towards a pale purple than pink, which is what I was going for here. At the bottom left, you can see the tiny Forget-me-nots peeking out.