I think I am done. I am fractured and cannot be reset. Whomever I was is gone. My memories are shards of glass on a dusty floor. My past is gleaned from pictures that I once saw of myself, but that I carry no longer. The mirror now, so faded and worn that I no longer see my own reflection. The thoughts and words that once flowed so freely from my mind and hand in youth have become the parched throat of decaying time. There is no more me left. This quiet peaceful place that I came to in my life has become a cold empty tomb and all I want to do is
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Done...
I think I am done. I am fractured and cannot be reset. Whomever I was is gone. My memories are shards of glass on a dusty floor. My past is gleaned from pictures that I once saw of myself, but that I carry no longer. The mirror now, so faded and worn that I no longer see my own reflection. The thoughts and words that once flowed so freely from my mind and hand in youth have become the parched throat of decaying time. There is no more me left. This quiet peaceful place that I came to in my life has become a cold empty tomb and all I want to do is
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6 comments:
When I thought I was "closing my eyes forever"...In the aftermath, I recall nothing but being freezing cold and full of horror. Things aren't always what they seem...or we want them to be.
... nothing is still nothing.
I totally disagree I discovered nothing WAS something after all those years...
T:
Complete opposite here. My something for all those years ended up being nothing, and when I tried to make something out of the nothing, I ended up with ... nothing.
But SG...Nothing is Something...haha. I'm not bust your chops here, not at all. In my own way and for my own completely different reasons then you I had a very similar experience...for 35 odd years I felt that way. Then unexpectedly it changed. Actually I don't think anything really changed in my case other then my perspective and expectations. What I had always assumed was nothing turned out to be something after all....
And yea, there is a part of me today that is just STARTING to believe that I do not have to accept anything the way it is...it can be changed. But that has been a long slow process and it may in fact apply to only my situation, IDK.
What I do know is that every person is unique...and there life and experience is unique as well and though I may be able to relate to an experience here, a couple of feelings there...I can NEVER actually walk in that person's place.
I am also making another assumption here that may indeed be false as well: I'm assuming that "feeling nothing" is a negative because it most definately WAS for me...perhaps it isn't for you or someone else.
T:
No, nothing isn't always necessarily negative, it can also simply be "neutral". However, when you inject a neutral self into a nothing situation, you have a bad combination. Although this may sound odd, I believe that even though nothing is still nothing, its inherent value varies from person to person.
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