The hurting...

This was a great album (1983) and this was one of my favourite songs from it, along with Pale Shelter, Change and Mad World, the latter which I posted a cover of the other day. Oddly enough, the line that remained etched in my mind for all these years was "Memories fade but the scars still linger." The words had nothing much to do with me directly then nor even now, however for whatever reason, they stayed with me.

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I have been writing and posting here on a fairly regular basis in the past few months, but the last couple days I just haven't been feeling much like anything... at all. It would be nice if the lack of interest was an indication that I have somehow managed to get my life back on track.. or that I had inexplicably discovered my path to growth and renewal. Sadly... that is not the case. My vision and clarity, both literally and figuratively, have been clouded at best, as I face the swirling gray abyss of the daylight hours with a sense of apprehension. I close my eyes waiting for the tears to well up, waiting for someone else's sorrow to lubricate my soul.

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A few nights ago this question popped into my head: "If I am right here, where did I go?"  So today as I struggled with muddled thoughts the song "This is Not" came to mind, as well as these words from a Linkin Park song.

All I know

Time is a valuable thing

Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings

Watch it count down to the end of the day

The clock ticks life away

It’s so unreal.

.....

I kept everything inside and even though I tried,

it all fell apart

What it meant to me will eventually be

 a memory of a time when

I tried so hard and got so far

But in the end

It doesn't even matter

I had to fall to lose it all

But in the end

It doesn't even matter

(from "In the End" by Linkin Park)

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I guess I had better hurry up and find myself before I lose myself completely.