What bringeth tomorrow...

I've been sitting here thinking. Just thinking. Everything and nothing. Feeling whatever it is that I am feeling. I can't quite place it. Something heading towards despair or futility. I don't know. Not necessarily despondent, but more discouraged and disheartened I suppose. I know I never pursued anything in my life, but is that because I never found anything I felt worth pursuing or because I didn't want anything enough to pursue it? Although, upon further reflection, that's not entirely true. I didn't pursue anything in my life, other than the house I live in now, before I turned forty. But... even so, in both cases, it was because I had to make a change and needed a change... wanted a change. But then, the object of my pursuit ended up being a complete and utter failure. There's a line from a favourite movie I have, "You dared to march into the unknown armed with... nothing.", which, at the time, I thought was perfectly suited to where I was. I realize though that I was armed with nothing but myself, and that wasn't enough, and may well never be.

As I sat here typing this, with cold hands and heavy heart, tears started rolling down my face. Funny that I never really used to wonder what tomorrow will bring, but now I have to wonder what I will bring to tomorrow.