Earlier today trying to sort through stuff, I came to the realization that being alone in an empty house is much easier to deal with than being alone in a house full of things. I finally took down the Christmas tree and the last two garlands left hanging. It didn't matter that I left them up all this time. I haven't had anyone over in a long while. The stock from my shop is still set up, sitting idle for the past few months, and it is rather deflating looking at it, knowing what I have to do with all of it. Anyways... I didn't want to have to get the crickety old ladder out, so I used a chair and knelt on the piano top to be able to reach the garland. After I had unhooked it from the drapery rod, I found myself sitting on the piano, feeling like Snoopy on his house surveying the area. Just for a brief moment, I curled up in a little ball and closed my eyes, but not for long, as I could sense that creeping sad feeling scratching at the door of my mind. I sat a little longer, stepped down and continued on. I didn't finish, but I did start, which was the hardest part. Come to think of it, originally when I closed my shop and moved everything here, it took me about four months to come to a decision, and I see now that it took me about the same amount of time to motivate myself to take this step. I still feel as though I am drifting... but maybe I am ready to be on course... to where I don't yet know.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Progress?
Earlier today trying to sort through stuff, I came to the realization that being alone in an empty house is much easier to deal with than being alone in a house full of things. I finally took down the Christmas tree and the last two garlands left hanging. It didn't matter that I left them up all this time. I haven't had anyone over in a long while. The stock from my shop is still set up, sitting idle for the past few months, and it is rather deflating looking at it, knowing what I have to do with all of it. Anyways... I didn't want to have to get the crickety old ladder out, so I used a chair and knelt on the piano top to be able to reach the garland. After I had unhooked it from the drapery rod, I found myself sitting on the piano, feeling like Snoopy on his house surveying the area. Just for a brief moment, I curled up in a little ball and closed my eyes, but not for long, as I could sense that creeping sad feeling scratching at the door of my mind. I sat a little longer, stepped down and continued on. I didn't finish, but I did start, which was the hardest part. Come to think of it, originally when I closed my shop and moved everything here, it took me about four months to come to a decision, and I see now that it took me about the same amount of time to motivate myself to take this step. I still feel as though I am drifting... but maybe I am ready to be on course... to where I don't yet know.
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2 comments:
Absolutely love the line: "scratching at the door of my mind." I love language and the way different people write and describe things...even basic things like having something on their mind. I think that was part of my initial interest in reading blogs in the first place...
This was one of those things I write when I just let my fingers go in one fell swoop, and am often surprised at what comes out. That line caught my attention as well, when I was reading the whole thing over, which might seem odd. Even though it is me recollecting, it is also me collecting myself. If that makes sense.
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