"And Night shall fold him in soft wings."

"The naked earth is warm with spring,
And with green grass and bursting trees
Leans to the sun's gaze glorying,
And quivers in the sunny breeze;
And life is colour and warmth and light,
And a striving evermore for these;
And he is dead who will not fight;
And who dies fighting has increase."

(An excerpt from "Into Battle" by Julian Grenfell, who died in the Great War.)



To honour the fallen since last time:

U.K. (2)

U.S. (California (4), Florida (2), Mississippi,

        North Carolina, New York, Tennessee,

        Wisconsin, Texas (3), Georgia, Hawaii,

        Illinois, Idaho, Pennsylvania, Kentucky,

        Indiana, Rhode Island, Washington)

The rising sun..

Pertaining to the matter of the this or that of sunrises or sunsets, I have clearly favoured sunsets, based on those which take place here and my fondness for magic hour, as well as for the fact that the sun rises over a plain old mountain ... nothing spectacular. Of course, if I were to change venues... I am sure that a sunrise over the ocean (or other body of water) might possibly sway my choice.

Image courtesy of T1G.

Hearing things?

I was sitting here reading something on the laptop and heard an odd sound. A strange scratching sound... a sound of movement. My ears went on high alert mode and I strained to hear something more in order to discern what it was. But, this house is odd in itself. Sometimes you can hear something coming from next door and it sounds like it is in the next room. Sometimes there will be a semi going over a pothole in the road a block away and it feels as though there is a thudding against the door. But this was... different. My heart started beating faster, my ears ringing. Too loud for a mouse... Maybe a rat? In the inside wall? Coming up a vent? What else could it be? Maybe my ears playing tricks on me? Maybe it was just something scratching against the window? The words "be vewy vewy afwaid" come to mind. Now... now there is nothing... and I wonder.

The future?

From the same day as this.

I remembered... something

I have no memory of an incident when I was a little kid... maybe 2 or 3 years old. I have been told that I toddled over to my dad, who was sitting on the couch, and when I got to him, he pushed me away... shoved me aside, I hit the table next to the couch... hard... and fell to the floor. I cried. I don't remember any of it. I remember the table.

I do however know that I learned at a very young age that crying was a sign of weakness, that drinking was bad, that getting drunk was worse and that being drunk was stupid. Oh... also... that smoking was a nasty habit. Very powerful lessons indeed, so obviously I remembered something other than just the table. I never got drunk nor smoked a cigarette in my life.

I have very few complete childhood memories and have often pondered how my memory works.

Sunrise or Sunset, revisited...

Pursuant to a part of the premise of the previous post, I presently ponder: If you had to choose between spending a sunrise with someone or a sunset with someone, which would it be? No other variables... no thinking about what came before or what comes after, just that moment in time.

Endurance

A little while back (curtsy to Og) I read something that brought tears to my eyes, and which reminded me of the emptiness I created in my life, the empty spaces in my memory and my inadequacies as a human being. It also brought to mind this poem by the Irish poet, George William Russell, also known as "A.E.", which I wrote a bit about here.

Endurance by A.E.

HE bent above: so still her breath

What air she breathed he could not say,

Whether in worlds of life or death:

So softly ebbed away, away,

The life that had been light to him,

So fled her beauty leaving dim

The emptying chambers of his heart

Thrilled only by the pang and smart,

The dull and throbbing agony

That suffers still, yet knows not why.

Love’s immortality so blind

Dreams that all things with it conjoined

Must share with it immortal day:

But not of this—but not of this—

The touch, the eyes, the laugh, the kiss,

Fall from it and it goes its way.

So blind he wept above her clay,

“I did not think that you could die.

Only some veil would cover you

Our loving eyes could still pierce through;

And see through dusky shadows still

Move as of old your wild sweet will,

Impatient every heart to win

And flash its heavenly radiance in.

” Though all the worlds were sunk in rest

The ruddy star within his breast

Would croon its tale of ancient pain,

Its sorrow that would never wane,

Its memory of the days of yore

Moulded in beauty evermore.

Ah, immortality so blind,

To dream all things with it conjoined

Must follow it from star to star

And share with it immortal years.

The memory, yearning, grief, and tears,

Fall from it and it goes afar.

He walked at night along the sands,

He saw the stars dance overhead,

He had no memory of the dead,

But lifted up exultant hands

To hail the future like a boy,

The myriad paths his feet might press.

Unhaunted by old tenderness

He felt an inner secret joy—

A spirit of unfettered will

Through light and darkness moving still

Within the All to find its own,

To be immortal and alone.

Who me?

"... annoyingly unfathomable..." Hmm...

No, no one called me that, it was just from a horoscope wherein someone might think of me as such. The funny thing is that I referred to someone as a "nebulous void" a little while ago. Oddly similar no?

Fries, cheese, gravy...

I tried a new flavour of potato chips today. Lay's Fries and Gravy. Usually when I try new things, it doesn't go too well. These actually were pretty good. I just couldn't get over the discrepancy in textures from real Fries and Gravy to this crunchy chip whose flavour bears a striking resemblance to the real thing. I ate the whole bag too. It was the small bag, but a lot of times, I only eat half and save the rest for later.

Now, of course, this reminds me of my great enjoyment of Poutine, which I affectionately refer to as "heart attack in a bowl". But then, this leads me to something better than Poutine, which I have even less often than that. What could be better than fries, with cheese and gravy on top? New York Fries, with "The Works". Oh... my... Fries, Chili, Cheese, Sour Cream, Green Onions... Did I miss something?

Dammit. It is after midnight and I'm thinking about fries and gravy. I guess I could have a glass of water instead. Sigh. (Oh... I couldn't decide which picture I liked better...)

And... the closest mall with a New York Fries is over an hour away from here. Heavy sigh.

Nothing more

I was thinking about the words... "when your whole world falls apart around you". What if sitting in the cold dark silence, completely utterly alone, you come to the stark realization that it isn't your world that has fallen apart... but you? No seeds were sown, there are no more seeds to sow, there is no harvest to reap, there is no crop, there is no field. There is naught but a barren wasteland, of which even that you have no part and no place.

Eclectic or ... weird?

If you braved the link in the previous post and have listened to some of the other songs I have posted, it may be noted that my musical tastes are varied to say the least. About the only type of music that I won't listen to is ... country. Granted there are a few oldies that I can bear to listen to, but that is rare. Sometimes songs from the past just pop into my head. Sometimes they drift... sometimes they float. Sometimes I remember when I first heard them, but more often than not, they are just in my mind, like a jukebox, but for which the button isn't a tangible thing. I don't know from whence this one came, but I know I liked it the moment I heard it. (And yes, even as a kid, I knew the connotations at the time, way back whenever it was.)

Little Evil Mini-Me: Sometimes I wonder...

"Life, and bits of egg. Life, and tender chewy bits, with protein from whole grain cereal, beefy bits and bits of egg."

Aural Warning: An excerpt from a song by one of the Brit bands I listened to in high school. Don't go there unless you are a brave soul. It was a long time ago, what can I say. Not quite sure why it came to mind just now.  

Silly quiz time...

(Definitely time to lighten up after that rant.)

What Colour is your Personality?

Not quite... I don't think that I am a primary colour. I bet if they added five more questions and five more colours, I'd be purple.

You Are Blue

You are detail oriented and focused. You enjoy keeping your life in order. You are a perfectionist, and you tend to take your time with tasks. Anything worth doing is worth doing right. It's hard for you to deal with dramatic, flippant, and silly people. You value maturity. You are a good listener and you expect others to be the same. You expect to be taken seriously.

What Color Is Your Personality?

Blogthings: Take a Quiz. Annoy Your Friends.

When Do You Shine?

Well... if I did shine, this would be accurate.

You Shine Early and Late

You're the type who's both a morning and an evening person - you just tend to slow down in the middle of the day. You wake up fresh and ready to face the world, and then you get a second wind right before bed. You are calm and steady. You try to pace yourself and find balance in your day. Your do best in the spring when the world is full of hope and possibilities.

When Do You Shine?

Blogthings: A Fine Line Between Insight and Stupidity

What Field of Science Are You?

Hmm... I think four years ago, the result would have been Physics.

You Are Astronomy

This world is not enough for you... literally. You can't help but wonder about what else is out there. You're the type of person who believes that anything is possible, and you'd like to prove it. You are also quite philosophical. You spend a lot of time wondering about our place in the world, how the universe was started, and what the future holds. You may not ever get all the answers you seek, and that's fine with you. Questioning is part of the journey.

What Field of Science Are You?

Blogthings: Cheaper Than a Therapist

The lost sock...

Why AM I here? I have not created a life, supported a life, taken a life, sacrificed a life nor saved a life. By so stating, it supports my previous supposition that I have not lived a life. I have not enriched myself with knowledge or information or data or a lifetime of fond memories, nor have I done so for someone else.

For twenty-four years, part of my income was paid into Canada Pension Plan, Employment Insurance (previously known as Unemployment Insurance), as well as Federal and Provincial Income Taxes. For ten years, I have paid Property Taxes as well as water, sewer and garbage fees to the local government. In that twenty-four year time period, I took a one week vacation to Disneyland in 1992, and two weeks to Hawaii in 1994. My other holidays were when I lost my eyesight for a period of time and when my mom died. In all those years, even when handling payroll, I never once thought about the money that was deducted from my income, or the money I paid for Property Taxes. It wasn't until I didn't have that same income, when I found that I was not eligible for any government assistance that I started thinking about it. As a single person, with no spouse and no dependants (children) to support, the money that you pay goes towards paying for other people's lives. The funny thing is that much of it is in support of other people's children, their schools and education. However, as a single person with no child, you do not have a voice in regards to said schools and education of which you are paying for. Considering the state of the public education system where I live, I am rather... disappointed. But I could also say the same of parents of school age children in general these days... In the age of political correctness, equality and fairness, you have failed your children. Common sense, honesty and integrity seem now to be abstract concepts for both parent and child. Good sportsmanship and the spirit of competition are now things that must be taught. But I must ask... who are the teachers now? Products of the same failed system.

So... why AM I here... and why am I HERE? I am in essence neither a part of the problem, nor a solution to the problem. I am the unpaired sock in the wardrobe of life.

Sleepyhead

Hadn't heard that word in a longtime, but it came to me in a completely new light just now. It makes perfect sense. Not just sleepyhead, but ... sleepy head. To say that my sleep was troubled would be an understatement. To call it sleep is even questionable. I want to sleep, I need to sleep... obviously. But... what if the body doesn't agree? I went to bed early. Lights off just before 1:30AM. "Woke up" (was I even sleeping?) at 3. Eyes tired, head tired, but the body had a different story. Not quite "ants in the pants" energy, but something akin to it. Didn't really feel like getting up and doing jumping jacks or running around the block or anything like that... The body just didn't want to do what the head wanted it to do. Almost as though the body wanted to be somewhere else... that it was somehow out of sync.

"Woke up" again at 5 on the button from a strange dream. Lights were on and laptop sitting on the pillow beside me. At least it was closed. For a moment upon waking, I had forgotten that I had even moved the laptop there and turned it on.

Sleepyhead Sleepy head... that's me.

As I am typing, I am trying to remember that dream and what about it was so strange. In trying to piece together certain elements of it, I can recall more of them, but can't quite put them together. Almost like my memories of life. Now that I think about it, the dream seemed to be a collage of many dreams I've had in the past, that like my memory, comes back in pieces. Hmm... I think I just went around in a circle writing that. Ah... I give up.

The wrong questions?

Once again... and I know I've said this many times before... I didn't sleep much, but I know that I slept, because I had one or two dreams. I don't remember them except that in one, my mom asked me a question pertaining to my life. I also don't remember the question nor the answer. I had less than three hours sleep and my impression is that the dreaming took up a lot of that time, so you would figure that I should remember more. Anyways, it is only within the past year that I began having dreams with dead people and pets in them, but I don't think I had ever engaged in conversation with anyone in any dream before this one. The funny thing about mom asking me a question is ... I question myself all the time these days in regards to life related issues. Upon further reflection, I wonder... if perhaps I am asking the wrong questions.

Paint it black

Had this song drift back into my head tonight. Went agoogling for a link and found this video with some stunning (I could not think of any other appropriate word) footage, as well as some perhaps questionable. I had a feeling that I had posted about it before, but it is here in my mind again, so...

Update 4:33pm: It seems only fitting that I found both these at about the same time, the following being from the U.S. Department of Defense News Releases this month. Me not being very sentimental, I am heartened when they finally make it home.

IMMEDIATE RELEASE No. 240-12 April 05, 2012

Airman Missing from Vietnam War Identified             The Department of Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office (DPMO) announced today that the remains of a serviceman, missing in action from the Vietnam War, have been identified and returned to his family for burial with full military honors.             Air Force Tech. Sgt. Allen J. Avery of Arlington, Mass., will be buried April 6 at Arlington National Cemetery.  On April 6, 1972, six airmen were flying a combat search and rescue mission in their HH-53C Super Jolly Green Giant helicopter over Quang Tri Province in South Vietnam when they were hit by enemy ground fire and crashed.             In 1988, the Socialist Republic of Vietnam (SRV) turned over remains they attributed to an American serviceman; however, the name provided by the SRV did not match anyone lost or missing from the Vietnam War.  The remains were held by JPAC pending improved technology to facilitate a later identification.             From 1989 to 1992, Joint U.S./SRV field investigations, led by the Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command (JPAC), found evidence leading to an aircraft crash site as well as two reported burial sites.  Team members recovered human remains and personal effects as well as aircraft debris.  As a result, the crew was accounted-for in 1997 and buried as a group at Arlington National Cemetery.  Three airmen were also individually identified at that time.             In the mid-2000s, JPAC’s laboratory’s improved scientific capability enabled them to match the 1988 remains to the correct loss.  The Armed Forces DNA Identification Laboratory (AFDIL) tested these remains against all servicemen who were MIA from the Vietnam War with negative results.  Later AFDIL expanded its search to make comparisons with previously-identified individuals.  In 2010, as a result of mitochondrial DNA testing, the remains were matched with four of the six airmen from the 1972 crash, including Avery.

Quietude

Hard, cold, unyielding

companion to Solitude

of my own making

... swallows me whole

ringing, always ringing

drowning my heartbeat

... slams the door

pushes my face to the wall
until I can’t breathe

... throbs inside my head

gently hammering my thoughts away

until there is nothing.

1st three lines written tonight

The rest on April 12, 2012
(The Silence)

Soothing?

Came across this the other day, but had no idea how to introduce it or what to write about it. I listened to it again tonight and all I can say is that I find it ... very calming.

 

Say what?

A gentleman, and I use that term loosely, was walking up the street and back-tracked when he saw me in the yard with the lawnmower. He started chatting about how he felt bad that everyone was working in their yards but he wasn't. He then added... but I don't have my own yard, so I can't be... or something along those lines. He offered to cut the lawn for me, but I declined for the fact that it is good exercise, and I need it. About an hour later, he was walking back, after having a drink or two, and with a six pack of beer to take home to watch the hockey game. He got on my case on how much I hadn't gotten done, and then in regards to what needed work on the house and the roof and... blah, blah, blah, with an inability to find the words, and comments laced with profanity, but in an apologetic manner. Adding that he was a contractor and knows this guy and that guy and worked on this house and knows what he's talking about. And then... the clincher... "If I were your husband..." There was more after that, but whatever. He did make valid points, of which I am perfectly aware, however, I was not about to explain my position.

Of course, I didn't come up with a witty retort until after he was gone. I think at the time I just wished he would stop talking and be on his way.  

Miracle Boy?

The word "Wobble" might mean something to you today that it simply hasn't meant before. Good luck is not what you need right now. You could do with the services of a made-up superhero called "Miracle boy".

(From Laughsend.)

I was going to add, maybe if he brings the Miracle Whip, but that could be taken the wrong way, depending on where one's brain is at.

Note: Hmm.... I just remembered that if it didn't rain today, I was going to cut the grass for the first time this year. It is blue skies and sun, so I'm thinking that Miracle boy would sure come in handy about now.

Ah... popcorn...

A week ago Friday, was down the valley and stopped in at a mall that I used to frequent when out that way, many years ago, but hadn't been to in a long time. I went in, not looking to buy clothes, or shoes, or music, or chocolate, but to find the little store that sold... popcorn. It wasn't there! We looked at the mall map and found it listed, but couldn't find the number on the map. Whilst my travelling companion was trying on shoes, I went on a journey downstairs. The mall is undergoing renovations, and much has changed since last I was there, but, made my way to the food fair to grab a hot dog and an Orange Julius, and enquired of the girl at the counter about the popcorn shop. Yes... it was there, just down a ways and around the corner to the left. With lunch in hand, I walked over there and took a look at the flavours in the display, but didn't see my old favourite, Chicago Style, which was a mix of Cheddar flavoured and Creamy Caramel tossed together. I asked about it, and the woman said she could still make it, but I decided to try something different. I asked if she could mix Jalapeno Jack and Creamy Caramel. She filled the large bag up til it was almost popping open after she sealed it. Once back in the car, I opened the bag and almost couldn't stop munching away on it. When we stopped on the way home and nephew and I were waiting in the car, I had told him about the original mixture, but he didn't think it sounded very appetizing. I explained that the point of the mixture was to experience both sweet and salty in one mouthful. He still didn't quite believe me. He tried the Jalapeno Jack and Creamy Caramel... and... understood.

Of course, that was a week ago Friday, so the popcorn has long since vanished, but it is still on my mind, so I couldn't let the experience pass without mention.

Just another ... fridge magnet

What would you do?

I don't like leaving posts like that up at the top. It is but a snapshot in time, sharing a moment of weakness. It is not where I dwell. That being said, and along the lines of  "What bringeth tomorrow...", I pose tonight a question unto the nebulous void:

Casting all your cares and worries aside, what would you do?

What bringeth tomorrow...

I've been sitting here thinking. Just thinking. Everything and nothing. Feeling whatever it is that I am feeling. I can't quite place it. Something heading towards despair or futility. I don't know. Not necessarily despondent, but more discouraged and disheartened I suppose. I know I never pursued anything in my life, but is that because I never found anything I felt worth pursuing or because I didn't want anything enough to pursue it? Although, upon further reflection, that's not entirely true. I didn't pursue anything in my life, other than the house I live in now, before I turned forty. But... even so, in both cases, it was because I had to make a change and needed a change... wanted a change. But then, the object of my pursuit ended up being a complete and utter failure. There's a line from a favourite movie I have, "You dared to march into the unknown armed with... nothing.", which, at the time, I thought was perfectly suited to where I was. I realize though that I was armed with nothing but myself, and that wasn't enough, and may well never be.

As I sat here typing this, with cold hands and heavy heart, tears started rolling down my face. Funny that I never really used to wonder what tomorrow will bring, but now I have to wonder what I will bring to tomorrow.

Beautiful things...

Old school slate on which is written a sentiment by Antoine de Saint-Exupery (author of Le Petit Prince), regarding love, that I can agree with.

Dried Hydrangeas

From the old shop before it closed. I miss it.

Fresh Hydrangeas from my garden last year. 

Personally I don't believe in "falling in love", but I must admit I was smitten by this old draw leaf table at an auction.


Hmm... what else...
a smile...
something that lights up your life (or day)...
breathing...
something that brings you comfort...
laughter.

(Me having a cuddly and fluffy moment? Wha? Methinks I need to sleep now.)

Furious Angels

Another great soundtrack. (I mentioned another song from it here.) Never knew the name of this particular one. It was always just Track #4, an instrumental favourite. Like the title too now.

Don't ask me why

Tonight this song came back to me in a rather bizarre, roundabout way. For some reason, I remembered the name of the album from whence it came and that I used to listen to it quite often. Probably trying to wipe this stuff (WARNING: Lycra) out of my brain.

Ah... and what got me started on this tonight was a supremely sappy song from 1977, another one of those that big sister had the piano sheet music for and must have been torturously embedded in my head and remained all these years in the bowels of my memory.

I... Bobblehead

I remarked earlier today that I felt like a bobblehead doll. The thing is... I meant both mentally and physically. At some point, if someone had come over and doinged me in the noggin with their thumb and index finger, my head might not have just bobbled back and forth, I might have tipped over.

How can I be so calm within this internal maelstrom? I am heavy, I should not be floating.

Pink and orange .... rice?

Way, way back in high school, a friend introduced me to this amazing dish, easy to make and surprisingly delicious. All you needed was cooked rice, canned tuna and a Kraft processed cheese slice. Throw the first two into a bowl, stir them up, put the cheese on top and nuke it or broil it and that was it. Never much had it during the past twenty years or so, but have revisited it as of late, albeit with some modifications. The tuna gets mixed with Miracle Whip first, so that you can use part of it for the rice dish and part of it for a sandwich. I have since added chopped onion to the mix as well for a bit of texture and added flavour, and the Kraft cheese slice has been replaced by grated Tex Mex Cheese. I had it for lunch and it was yummy... Perhaps the enjoyment comes more from the comfort of it, but I think it still tastes pretty darn good.

Anyways...  I'm running low on canned tuna, so I didn't want to open another can, and decided to just wing it. I had the small jar of pickled beet brine leftover to which I had added some sliced onions ... the part of pickled beets that I liked. (On a side note, I had also added hard boiled egg which yielded a lovely purple hue of egg for Easter weekend.) So tonight, I mixed rice with Miracle Whip, a dollop of Bacon Ranch dressing, some of the purpleified onions, the shredded Tex Mex cheese and some hot pepper flakes. Stirred everything up and nuked it for a minute fifty-five, and ended up with pink and orange rice. Needless to say, it was sort of lacking in the taste department, but... it looked real pretty.

How is it...

that one can feel so heavy, yet hollow at the same time? (And... no... I am not talking about being full after eating dinner but still being hungry.)

Dance, the demon whispers...

Was reminded of this movie scene earlier:

YouTubeLink

Attending to tidying up moving things around the house today, I had decided to put on some music, which always helps, but sometimes I don't bother to turn it on. Well, I guess I am making progress of sorts. I found myself kind of dancing down the hallway to this (from the Matrix Reloaded Soundtrack). I was like "wha?". A little surprising, but not as bad as a couple years ago, catching myself doing the same at the back of my shop to this. I know... weird.

Oh ... and speaking of dancing. Oh... and I was bombarded by a whole mittful of other songs from back in the 80s after that one, but I am not so evil as to put them here all at once.

 

Progress?

Earlier today trying to sort through stuff, I came to the realization that being alone in an empty house is much easier to deal with than being alone in a house full of things. I finally took down the Christmas tree and the last two garlands left hanging. It didn't matter that I left them up all this time. I haven't had anyone over in a long while. The stock from my shop is still set up, sitting idle for the past few months, and it is rather deflating looking at it, knowing what I have to do with all of it. Anyways... I didn't want to have to get the crickety old ladder out, so I used a chair and knelt on the piano top to be able to reach the garland. After I had unhooked it from the drapery rod, I found myself sitting on the piano, feeling like Snoopy on his house surveying the area. Just for a brief moment, I curled up in a little ball and closed my eyes, but not for long, as I could sense that creeping sad feeling scratching at the door of my mind. I sat a little longer, stepped down and continued on. I didn't finish, but I did start, which was the hardest part. Come to think of it, originally when I closed my shop and moved everything here, it took me about four months to come to a decision, and I see now that it took me about the same amount of time to motivate myself to take this step. I still feel as though I am drifting... but maybe I am ready to be on course... to where I don't yet know.

Truer words...

Online Fortune Cookie

Hmm... This was post 1111, the 22nd for April, the 220th for 2012. Not that it has any bearing on anything, I just like the numbers.

Water whisperer

I highly recommend that you watch to the end. Very cool.

 

YouTubeLink

(Great song too. Music by Chingon, which seemed familiar for some reason.

Curtsy to Edna for the video.

Beer is good?

Okay, so I saw a headline that said "Can beer make you smarter?"  My take? Alcohol in controlled quantity boosts the human capacity for creative problem solving, but diversely, does the opposite for analytical problem solving. It relaxes the self-imposed inhibitive barriers in increments directly proportionate to the amount of alcohol consumed, thus embarking as a willing companion upon the human journey of discovery from creativity to stupid.

Needed a laugh tonight, so speaking of creativity and beer, I went agoogling for a certain song, but found this instead.

Lost in space...

How can you touch something you can't grasp?

How can you keep something you don't have?

How can you miss something you've never had?

Friday Night Fixx

(Warning:  80s music)

The previous post's title reminded me of a song by a band I used to listen to in high school. Upon agoogling, I found the song was "Sign of Fire" and that lead me to a number of others I remember by them as well, but tucked away in my head. The one that sucked me back in time tonight was the beginning of this. The one that seems to fit well my life at present is this.

Sign of life...

I just happened to see these in the garden today. (Wee little things they be.)

White Hyacinth, a symbol of loveliness,
or to show the happiness for loving
and being loved.

(Just found out their meaning today.)

The cosmic book of life...

What if all this is is the giant finger of the cosmos looking down at us, pointing and laughing? Maybe what I am going through right now is just one great big life lesson in futility. Not that this is anything new to me. Maybe all this was just the final slamming of the cosmic book of life on my fingers.

The cosmos:   Nope ...
                       (slamming book shut)
                     ... that's not for you.
Me:               Ow... that hurts.  

Connection Communication Conversation

Much of what my thoughts are, but there is so much more to this that could be added to the discussion. A precursor to some of my thoughts can be read here.

Very long, but worth listening.

Video found posted over at The Crow's Song.

The Moon or Sun...

Lacking words again... or still... so went looking for another one of those silly quizzes. Found a few, but "Are you the Moon or the Sun?" seemed fitting, and the result predictable. Something definitely would have been off-kilter if it was the other.

You Are the Moon

Some may find you to be a bit harsh, but if anything you are a realist. You are a loner and prefer to keep to yourself. You are shy, but you're also naturally introverted. Those who get to know you appreciate your practical, no-nonsense approach to life. You may not be warm and fuzzy, but you are extremely caring in your own way.

Are You the Moon or the Sun?

Blogthings: 100's of Fun, Free Quizzes and 3 Stupid Ones

I then noticed another one "What type of poem are you?", which I couldn't resist. Was a little surprised at the result.

You Are a Haiku

Like a tree swaying You are simple yet changing Living in the now

What Type of Poem Are You?

Blogthings: Waste Time at Work!

And, finally...
"What Miniature Chocolate Bar are You?"

You Are a Special Dark Chocolate Bar

You are a deep and complex person. You don't let anyone get too close to you. You stay a mystery, and you're good at keeping secrets... especially your own. You prefer to stay on the outside a bit and observe. You find people fascinating. You seek to understand and appreciate the world. There is more to you than anyone will ever know.

What Miniature Chocolate Bar Are You?

Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

The unforgiving stone

I am that which whispers within the wind

the hushed tone lost within the rage and fury
of the rising storm

I am that one tear swallowed
by the heavens’ sorrow

the cold hand left to rest upon
the unforgiving stone

I am that breath which rests upon the tongue

the quiet one silently weeping
in the darkened corner

I am that heartbeat which no one else can feel

the fading one falling into oblivion.

(May 26 2011)

To honour the fallen since last time:

US (Wisconsin, Florida, Texas, Indiana,
      Rhode Island, Idaho, Louisiana,
      Georgia (2), New York (2), New Jersey,
      California (3), Kentucky, Oklahoma,
      Montana, Missouri, Illinois, Ohio (4))

UK (3)

Turkey (12)

Sounds about right...

Changing your lifestyle and underwear are always a good start. Wake up, wash your face, change your pants. Life needs a good "start" routine, make this YOURS.

(From Laughsend.)

Even though this is a humour horoscope, I had to laugh not because it is silly, but that sadly, it is surprisingly close to where I am. I do have a good "start" routine in place and have not wavered too far from it (except maybe in the last couple months), but in the past couple years, I can't seem to get much beyond it in order to initiate the "go" function.

Little Evil Mini Me: A Little Bunny Funny

I thought I had posted this last year but it turns out that I had only linked to it. Kind of appropriate that it cracks me up. Easter Bunny. Easter. Eggs. Cracks me up. Ah... Happy Easter... 

Eh?

Someone found their way here by typing this into Google:

" ?"you look like a bag of shit" "

Nice.

About Me

Yeah, right... no. It's a blog meme thing... And... I have to say, I am not big on questions like "What's your favourite ____?", as I have mentioned here before. But still, kinda cool that I was tagged (by Andrew at Magniflorious Phule).


1. What’s your favorite color?

Lavender (Black for clothes.)


2. If you get a plane ticket for free to go wherever you’d like – where would your final destination be?

That’s a trick question.

3. Is there anything in your life you always wanted to do and never had the chance to?

Nothing that I still want to do. But when I was younger, it was to see all four Grand Slam Tennis events in person, and maybe hit a few balls on the grass at Wimbledon. Also, to win an Oscar for Best Original Screenplay before the age of 40. (Missed out on that one.)


4. Which one is your favorite movie classic? (Let’s say: Older than 20 years)

The Adventures of Robin Hood (Errol Flynn) is the one I remember best. (As for newer "classics", Raiders of the Lost Ark and Die Hard.)


5. If you were blond – would you mind the blonde-jokes (and of course if you ARE blonde – do you mind them?) 

Only if I didn’t get them.


6. What is it that always and 100% certain makes you laugh?

Nothing.


7. Where do you usually buy your clothes?

At stores.


8. Does wind bother you or do you like it?

I like it, except maybe when it is trying to do bodily harm... but, even then...

9. What is it that you dislike about high school reunions?

The parts that make you remember why you didn’t like high school.


10. Are you a cat or dog person?

I like both, but I have more of an affinity with cats.


11. Can movies make you cry and if yes – when was the last time you cried in a movie theater or in front of the TV?

Yes, but grudgingly. Most recently? Transformers Dark of the Moon.


Now I'm supposed to tag people to do the same. If you don't have a blog (DaveO) or if anyone stops by for a visit and feels so inclined, you can post your answers in the comments if you wish.


Of course the ones with blogs that I am going to tag probably think these types of things are as silly as I do.


T1G of Drunken Wisdom. (Hello? He still has a blog? Maybe Z-man will do it.)

Inner Prop of Illini 6.

LTC John at Miserable Donuts.


Figured it would be interesting to see the responses from those around the same age as me. IF they do it. This had me wondering. If you tag people who don't read your blog and that you are not in contact with, how are they supposed to know they've been tagged? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?


(Update: I may have figured out the blog linky magic, instead of just having a link to the blog itself or a blogpost. I'm not sure if it will work though.)

Ever hear a guy giggle?

I don't drive, and I'm more of a fan of the old muscle cars, but there was a video posted over at the Borderline Sociopathic Blog for Boys that I found, for lack of a better word... fascinating. I think the only other time I've heard of or seen this type of car was in Pretty Woman if I recall correctly. (I use the word "type" loosely.) So, even though I don't drive and know next to nothing about cars and the mechanics of them, I can however appreciate the craft as well as the craft and have yet enough of a brain to tenuously grasp some of what he talks about as well as part of the physics aspect.

What other reasons could I have for posting this?

1. You get to hear a guy giggle whilst he is driving a car.

2. "I’m surprised at how little the car feels like it wants to kill me."

(Views 351,543)

One fine evening...

Finally getting back into the regularly scheduled sporting activity after not being quite up to par to play for a couple weeks. On Wednesday I was able to play for almost two hours straight, with surprisingly little bodily protest afterwards except for a slight ache in the posterior muscles. Anyways... walking home, the moon was bright and almost full, the sky varying shades of blue.

Taxes and Underwear

Finished doing my Income Tax Return. Glad to get that over with after having initially done a rough draft with calculations the old-fashioned way... no calculator, a few days ago. (My eyes have a hangover.) Several years back I created a simple table in Excel with the necessary formulae so that all I have to do is plop the figures in ... et voila, instant verification. Funny that I used to find it exciting... even just last year... when the figures all jived. This year? Nope. Just a sense of relief.

Anyways, made a copy of the twelve pages, attached the required supplementary documentation and sealed it in the envelope just before 2AM. Was checking a few things online and noticed something about David Beckham and underwear, so of course, I had to look. Is it offensive? It's an underwear ad for crying out loud! So it was a little hot in there. The company had to defend itself because THREE people complained? Geesh.

Lavender Moon

Monday April 2, 2012 8pm (unedited)

Cloud illusions

Sometimes the fresh snow on the mountain-tops looks like ice cream, whipped cream or icing sugar, but I think this is the first time that at first glance the snow looked like a cloud. Reminded me of this song (1970), which I don't think I had ever listened to but more than once or twice before in my life. When I had gone a googling, I found a new version (2000) first, which is kind of cool hearing her matured and weathered voice in contrast to her young hippie chick voice.