Verbalizing the internalizing

Have you ever been to that point in your life when you take a look around you, at your surroundings, the people in your life, who you are and your place amidst it all, and you ask yourself ... why am I here? For what purpose... to what end?

That is as far as I got on that, and let it sit for a bit. I've been here before, so I thought of just deleting it, but I didn't.

And then, I did some catching up, as I had been falling a little behind in visiting my usual haunts, and from one of my regular reads, I linked over to this beautifully written piece which provided me with answers to questions, albeit in a rather roundabout manner, that I have been internalizing for some time. For a brief moment, it made me feel small, insignificant and inadequate. Perhaps the most telling would be... inferior. It brought tears to my eyes with the stark realization of everything that I am not, which, oddly enough, I've always known. But ... contrary to what one might think, this is not a negative reaction. It made me feel something where there was nothing before. It made me feel something on a visceral level. I don't envy other people's abilities. I don't want what other people have. There is nothing that I would devour voraciously. (Not even bacon.)... Oh... wait... a burger, yes... Eggo Waffles... This is where I get side-tracked. When life is simplified, food will do that to you. Where was I? My accomplishments are few, if that, and my journey, next to non-existent. My knowledge is little, my understanding beyond my ken. My house is a mess, but I can die knowing that I am a perfectly fine example of a human being. I just didn't have a place in the world.

(Thanks to an old blogger buddy for that unintentional nudge to channel my inner emo. I have not had the opportunity to use that term before. So thank you for that as well. Never thought I would.)