There weren't knots .... yet... I should have known they'd come back. I don't know what it is... I find myself desperately wanting to cling to something... anything... My forehead resting in the palm of my hand as if that will hold my head together. My hands neatly folded in my lap... one hand squeezing the other as if to offer reassurance. Trying to find a memory to hold on to. Something. But there is nothing. The silence and the ringing in my ears. I must remember to breathe. Sometimes I forget.