I wasn't expecting it, but it turns out that September was a "test". I suppose technically speaking the whole year thus far has been a test. Put it this way, the last few years have been "different", and the first few months of this year had been rather "trying", to say the least. Subsequently, going through a bizarre (and I mean bizarre) two month period of little to no sleep, then slowly getting back to 3 or 4 hours a night in August, September became a "test" in more ways than one. I know I'm not as young as I used to be, but I still feel youngISH... just a tad tired is all. The lack of sleep didn't necessarily make me feel old, but it did make me feel weary. I'm actually surprised that my body hasn't caved yet and I haven't fallen apart again or something. Knock on wood.
So what has been so different? Everything and nothing. In the last little while, I had allowed myself to step outside my boundaries and expand my horizons so to speak, in a limited manner. However, no grand adventures or the like. So this year, I started blogging in March. I posted comments on people's blogs. I bloghopped. The internet gods threw candy at me. I examined it carefully, and tentatively took a taste. What did I find? Humour, sadness, and beauty, the purity of freedom of expression, all at one's fingertips. I didn't get caught up in that, well, maybe just a little, but I did get lost somewhere along the way. Lost is a huge understatement. So if that was part of the test, did I pass muster? I don't think so, and I have a feeling there is going to be a pop quiz before the year is up. Not really looking forward to that.
Some of September's test questions were:
1. Can I stay awake and function?
2. Can I still write in a coherent fashion?
3. Can I go outside my "comfort zone" and voice my opinion?
4. Can I write effectively in a clear, concise and brief manner?
5. Can I collect myself and my thoughts after someone rattles my cage?
6. Can I have something to share or say every single day?
7. Can I write something personal?
8. Can I rely on Logic knowing that it deserted me for a short time?
9. Can I write articulately if Emotion creeps in?
10. Can I willingly share my thoughts with anyone?
After posing those questions, I now ask myself the following:
11. Should I keep reading other people's blogs and commenting?
12. Should I keep blogging?
13. Should I shut down and leave the wireless world for the real one?
This brings to mind a Metallica line: "How can I be lost when I've got nowhere to go."
Hnm... So I have lived most of my life with structure and boundaries, but oddly enough, no plan whatsoever. Now that more than half my life is gone, the structure has crumbled, and the boundaries are eroding away. Because of this, is it now necessary to make a plan?