A Test

I wasn't expecting it, but it turns out that September was a "test". I suppose technically speaking the whole year thus far has been a test. Put it this way, the last few years have been "different", and the first few months of this year had been rather "trying", to say the least. Subsequently, going through a bizarre (and I mean bizarre) two month period of little to no sleep, then slowly getting back to 3 or 4 hours a night in August, September became a "test" in more ways than one. I know I'm not as young as I used to be, but I still feel youngISH... just a tad tired is all. The lack of sleep didn't necessarily make me feel old, but it did make me feel weary. I'm actually surprised that my body hasn't caved yet and I haven't fallen apart again or something. Knock on wood.

So what has been so different? Everything and nothing. In the last little while, I had allowed myself to step outside my boundaries and expand my horizons so to speak, in a limited manner. However, no grand adventures or the like. So this year, I started blogging in March. I posted comments on people's blogs. I bloghopped. The internet gods threw candy at me. I examined it carefully, and tentatively took a taste. What did I find? Humour, sadness, and beauty, the purity of freedom of expression, all at one's fingertips. I didn't get caught up in that, well, maybe just a little, but I did get lost somewhere along the way. Lost is a huge understatement. So if that was part of the test, did I pass muster? I don't think so, and I have a feeling there is going to be a pop quiz before the year is up. Not really looking forward to that.

Some of September's test questions were:

1. Can I stay awake and function?

2. Can I still write in a coherent fashion?

3. Can I go outside my "comfort zone" and voice my opinion?

4. Can I write effectively in a clear, concise and brief manner?

5. Can I collect myself and my thoughts after someone rattles my cage?

6. Can I have something to share or say every single day?

7. Can I write something personal?

8. Can I rely on Logic knowing that it deserted me for a short time?

9. Can I write articulately if Emotion creeps in?

10. Can I willingly share my thoughts with anyone?

After posing those questions, I now ask myself the following:

11. Should I keep reading other people's blogs and commenting?

12. Should I keep blogging?

13. Should I shut down and leave the wireless world for the real one?

This brings to mind a Metallica line: "How can I be lost when I've got nowhere to go."

Hnm... So I have lived most of my life with structure and boundaries, but oddly enough, no plan whatsoever. Now that more than half my life is gone, the structure has crumbled, and the boundaries are eroding away. Because of this, is it now necessary to make a plan?

Lingering...

Quiet restful calm
Silent wistful lingering
Sun warmed solitude

cki September 21, 2009

Whipped...

Where is my mind?

I look at clouds like this and think "whipped cream".

The oddest thing....

This may be the oddest thing I will ever write.

Today I caught a fruit fly in my hand. When I unclenched my fist, it flew away. The only thing is... I was actually trying to kill it.

So... does this mean something or is it just one of those weird random things?

Supporting Roles

I have a fondness for actors in supporting roles in movies that probably started with the first “real” movie that I recall seeing in a theatre, which was Taps, wherein Timothy Hutton played the main character. For whatever reason, when I saw that movie, the guy that caught my eye was a cute, psycho cadet named Sean. The actor that played Sean was... Tom Cruise, before he was "the" Tom Cruise. I guess I had quite an eye, even as a teenager. A few years after that, Mr. Cruise played the lead role in Top Gun, but this time it was an arrogant, condescending Val Kilmer who stole a little of the thunder as rival pilot, Iceman. Granted, that movie had an amazing cast of young actors, which included Anthony Edwards, Tim Robbins, Adrian Pasdar, Rick Rossovich... and not to be forgotten, a very fresh-faced Meg Ryan. Next up, there was Glory, which starred Matthew Broderick, but the character that grabbed my attention was a former slave named Trip, played by none other than Denzel Washington. As I am trying to remember more to add to this list, I think the common thread is that the characters that come to mind were all either arrogant or defiant, gutsy or self-sacrificing.

Daniel Day-Lewis played the lead role in Last of the Mohicans (1992), but the guy who won me over was Eric Schweig playing Uncas. I don't even remember if he actually said anything at all. The scene where he runs and fights his way up the mountainside to save the fragile sister is one of the most moving in the entire movie. Next, there was Clear and Present Danger, with Harrison Ford reprising his role as Jack Ryan. The one guy that stood out to me in this movie was a little sniper dude named Chavez, played by Raymond Cruz. The role was small with very few words, but it just struck me. I recall seeing him a few years later in an episode of the X-Files. Hmm... After that, there was a Christian Bale, Matthew McConaughey film called Reign of Fire where Christian was rather understated as the leader of a band of humans battling dragons, and Matthew over the top as an American tanker. Who did I happen to notice? Gerard Butler. Yes, he of future super ab-dom and "300" fame. I had already seen him in Dracula 2000, but for some reason I seemed to like him better in supporting roles. In Reign of Fire, he played the best friend who ends up sacrificing himself for the greater good.

My memory gets dicey as we come to newer movies so for now I can think of only two. In Star Trek (2009), Chris Hemsworth plays George Kirk, who sacrifices himself to save the crew, his wife and baby boy. Now, is it the actor, the scene itself or the music that hit me? Hard to say. Following that, there was Transformers II which was such an over-the-top movie in all respects that you would wonder what, if anything in particular, could capture my eye? Two things. A British SAS soldier played by Matthew Marsden, and the medic (uncredited role?) that tries to save Sam’s life. If you have seen this movie, you will note that of the latter we see only his backside before we see his face, and then only for a brief moment, but that surely cannot be the reason. These two are such minimal roles, why did they catch my attention amidst all the brouhaha. I'm not quite sure.

Of course, any role in a movie is made more powerful by the strength of the actor’s performance or his mere presence, or even perhaps due to the way he is framed by the camera in a particular scene. I suppose then that in noticing the supporting actors, it could be said that I had been distracted from the flow of the movie itself, but I don't believe this to be so. The supporting roles clearly make the story more compelling.

Better or worse....

"Date Night"

Movie Review:

OK, so I watched this movie quite a while back and put the review on the back-burner. Because of this, it seems to be slipping farther away from being posted as each day passes. No biggie, but I can't just not finish it.

This one was directed by Shawn Levy, also known for Night at the Museum (I and II) and the Pink Panther (the one with Steve Martin).

Premise: A married couple with two kids takes one night each month (?) for just the two of them to go out on a "date". They decide to do something different for a change and....

What makes this one worth watching? 1. The understated Steve Carell (for some reason I always see him as the over-caffeinated squirrel from "Over the Hedge"); 2. Onscreen reactions to Mark Wahlberg without a shirt; 3. Steve Carrell and Tina Fey- Pole Dance - 'nuff said; 4. Common, man of few words who attended the Ice Cube school of acting - heck, he should have been cast in the Mark Wahlberg role; 5. Outtakes.

Please take note that I watched this movie quite some time before the Back-Up Plan, so I have to admit that technically speaking Mark Wahlberg shirtless is not quite up to par as Alex O'Loughlin in the same state of undress. Not even close.

All in all I would say it was amusing, but you have to consider that I included the Outtakes as one of my reasons why this one is worth watching...

Eye...

Immortality

Immortality by A.E.

(George William Russell, Irish poet, 1867-1935)

WE MUST pass like smoke or live within the spirit's fire;

For we can no more than smoke unto the flame return

If our thought has changed to dream, our will unto desire,

As smoke we vanish though the fire may burn.

Lights of infinite pity star the grey dusk of our days;

Surely here is soul: with it we have eternal breath:

In the fire of love we live, or pass by many ways,

By unnumbered ways of dream to death.

::::::::::::::::::::
::::::::::::::::::::

To honour all those who have fallen.

I could not let this pass without note:
In five days:

Ariz, Ga, Ill, Ky, Miss, Mo, NY, Penn, Va, and U.K.

(And... to remember that wherever there is death, there will
always be someone wounded, even if we do not know of it.)

Chainsaws and Bagpipes

This is the piece I was working on for this past weekend, but ended up going waaaayyyy off track. So getting back to a regular post now. Thank God.

I haven't been getting out and about much, which is not a good thing, but I did get to take in some chainsaws and bagpipes... say what? The sound of chainsaws and bagpipes on the same field. Hmm... In my head I was thinking to myself "how cool is this?" ... only in Canada? I don't know, it was just one of those things... I went to check out a chainsaw carving contest, and the pipers who just completed a parade happened to be playing at the same time as the roar of the chainsaws.

I had seen a "regular" chainsaw carving contest before, but not a "speed" one, so I stuck around to watch the latter competition. It was, to me, fascinating to see how the two youngest (and best-looking) carvers, both from Oregon, each "attacked" their approx 4 foot tall small "logs", with such different techniques. At one point, one of the older Canadian men competing looked over his shoulder at the "kids" and just shook his head, ah... the vigor of youth. While he was finishing up his carving, they were each working on their third. Now these aren't "big" guys, but can you imagine the biceps? I don't know exactly how much the different chainsaws weigh, but each has a small tank of gas in it, and they were working constantly for two hours. Basically they start off with a "big" saw, then work their way down to the smaller tools, and finish off with sanding and torching the wood for "depth".

I didn't get good enough photos from the "speed" portion, but I did get some "satisfactory" pics of the big carvings, which I'm guessing were maybe 8 feet tall. Now, something else that struck me was that the smallest guy there, hailing from Washington State, had THE biggest saw.

Tomas Vrba, Everett, Washington

For better perspective, you will notice at the top of the photo (very blurry I know) some spray cans, which are probably 6 inches long? This thing was huge. The saw actually looked bigger than the guy carrying it, so it was definitely over 5 feet long.

This is the main piece of one of the carvers from BC:

Glen Greensides, Seyward, BC

This is the main piece by a carver from Germany:

Joerg Jung, Forst-Molzig, Germany

This is the main piece of another carver from BC:

Dan Ritchey, Nanaimo, BC
(I hope I got the correct name for this one. )

Note: I didn't get photos of all of the carvings, nor did I get one of the one that won. (Yes, this sentence is grammatically correct.)

Well, that is the extent of excitement this summer, other than the drug bust across the street (no, they weren't locals) and the car crash at the streetlight. Who says nothing ever happens around this area?

Just breathe....

Sometimes I forget to breathe.

Sometimes I forget to say everything I should.

Sometimes I say too much.

Why did I write that?

For those of you who are wondering why I wrote the previous piece, I haven't yet come up with the proper words to express or articulate my personal reasons for doing so, and I doubt if I will ever be able to share it completely with anyone other than those with whom I have in private. Suffice it to say that the complexities of suicide have been bothering me, nagging at me and plaguing me, for several months. In addition to that, very recently I was made aware of the startling number of U.S. military veteran suicides, numbering in the thousands. The young man who provided that shocking bit of information is the author of this and brought to my attention U.S. Suicide Prevention Week. I was not aware until today, that September 10 was World Suicide Prevention Day or that the first week of September was International Suicide Prevention Awareness Week. So, I suppose this could be chalked up to mere coincidence. Regardless, for me to touch on such a sensitive subject on such a public forum is almost inconceivable. All I can say is that if something like those simple yet specific words came into my mind today, then I could not let it pass.

If I can do nothing, then I must at least say something.

I am stepping so far outside my box, and well outside my comfort zone, that I hesitate to keep these posts even now.

Suicidal thoughts?

Don't do it.
Your life is worth more than that.
You are worth much more than that.

Write those words down on a piece of paper. Write it down and read it when you are angry, frustrated, tired and numb, when you feel lost and alone with nowhere else to go. Write it as many times a day as you want. Write it often. Write it on a piece of paper and tape it to the bathroom mirror. Write it on another piece of paper and tape it to the fridge door. Write it down and read it every chance you get.

Yes, these are very simple words for a very complex issue, and I will explain further.

Hot Water

So, after doing what prompted me to write this, I remembered a quote I had come across a while back, and had to chuckle to myself:

A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Hmm.... Speaking of hot water. Tossing aside the tea bag analogy, I would liken the forum I entered to be akin to a hot tub. You stick your toe in and think it's too hot, but once you ease into the water and spend some time in it, you become more accustomed to the heat and the water then simply feels tepid. So after my initial dip, I went back in and have come to yet another conclusion: I just hope that I don't get stuck in the hot tub with the guy who is talking to himself.

Popcorn?

I called this one "Popcorn" , but for some reason it reminded me of something else. I finally figured out that I had visualized it in black and white, without the tree and the roofline, and it reminded me of WWII documentary footage of bombing missions in Europe. The clouds reminded me of the flak from anti-aircraft guns, but it probably wasn't this concentrated. Did I remember the visual correctly? I don't know. If I did remember correctly, I have no idea why I remember this instead of a lot of stuff from my own life. The mind is indeed a mysterious thing.

I went online just now, looking for something to confirm my very limited memory of this, as it could just be something from a war movie I saw when I was younger. I couldn't find exactly what I was looking for, but I did discover that September 7 , 1940 was when the Germans first began their bomb runs to England (70 years ago), and I also found this, which is close to what I was thinking of.

For those of you who "know" me and are reading this and wondering.... No I have not gone off my rocker. Seriously. I'm letting the links lead me where they may.

Questions....comments...

These are just some random questions and comments (well, just one comment) that people have directed to me (not all this year), and for some reason, stand out in my mind:

1. How come other people your age look so old? (male, 12)
2. You have a lot of muscles. (female, 50ish)
3. Do you have any pot? (female)
4. Does poetry have perfect words? (male)
5. Do you want to buy some pot? (female)
6. Do you want to race? (male, 10ish)
7. Do you know where I can get some pot? (female)
8. How old are you? (female 60ish)
9. Do you have a light? (male 30ish)
10. How old are you? (female 30ish)
11. Would you like to go on vacation with me? (This question was presented to me by a total stranger (male 60ish). There is a creepy story to accompany it.)

After you read those, consider this:

1. I don't frequent bars;
2. I don't go to "parties";
3. I don't "workout";
4. I don't smoke (or toke).

Go figure eh?
And, yes, I know.... this post is definitely deviating from the norm again. It may very well end up being one of those things I write and end up questioning my sanity.

Lamppost?

War of the Worlds?

Narnia?

(Sorry for poor quality photos.... again.)

Beauty and the Beastly - Movie Reviews

I wrote this a couple weeks ago, but got .... er... side-tracked, and didn't post it right away....

I may have just watched the worst movie ever allowed to be made. Ever made. Ever. And... I have watched some horrible movies in my time, most of which were foreign (asian), dubbed, kung-fu, martial arts movies that for some reason I thought would be saved by their amazing fight sequences, but... sadly were not. Nothing and I mean nothing could save the movie I watched this night. I'm not even going to check to see what year it was made. Suffice it to say it was "Beauty and the Beast", and it was absolutely ghastly. Sometimes you will come across movies with unknown actors that end up being gems, but this was not the case here. Dumb, dumber, dumbest choice ever. It was like a poorly made tv show. Quite a few years ago there was a tv series called Beauty and the Beast with Ron Perlman as the beast and that tv series puts this new movie to shame. Please do not go and rent this movie just to see how bad it is.... seriously. I mean it....

Luckly, it was a non-eventful Friday night, so I had rented two movies, and I watched that one first. The second one was "Young Victoria" which I ... can I say this? I loved it. It is beautiful, starting with the story itself, the budding romance between the Young Victoria (Emily Blunt) and Albert (Rupert Friend), the writing (Julian Fellowes who also wrote Gosford Park), the casting and acting (Mark Strong (bad-ass), Miranda Richardson, Paul Bettany, Jim Broadbent, Thomas Kretschmann (a fave from years ago... before he appeared in "The Pianist"), set design and costumes.... Oh... and the score, using varying themes upon Schubert's "Serenade", one of the pieces that I remember learning to play as a kid, and liking it... And yes, there is probably more to the Title of that particular "song", but that is what I remember it as. This is not an artsy, fartsy, stilted, stodgy period piece that drags on and on... it is an honest to goodness romance between two young people amidst the political machinations of many. I found the exchanging of letters between the two to be particulary endearing, as well as the very few and brief scenes involving Albert and his brother Ernst. Hey... like I said in my previous movie review, I've gone soft.

Sometimes....

... a moment in the garden can provide

unexpected illumination and clarity.

:::::::::::::::::

(ps: This photo is from July.... I have a major backlog of pics,

so at this rate, I may be posting summer blooms and

sunny skies in the middle of winter.)

What the hell was I thinking?

Yes, what was I thinking? I, logic based Spockgirl, went outside my personal parameters and posted comments on a couple, maybe three, entries of a somewhat politically driven blog. Why? I don't honestly know. I suppose it was more of me testing myself to see if I could actually voice my opinion on a couple of issues that I have a lot of thoughts about, and do so in a reasonable, comprehensible and brief manner. Of course, what happened is that I forgot "where" I was. I much prefer people to be clear, concise and to the point. Duh... politics.... no such thing as clear, concise and to the point in that arena. Someone says "this", but it's tantamount to "that". Yeah, I knew this all along, but I went in anyways.

So....I have come to the conclusion, in a very short period of time, that political commentary to me is like a Jane Austen novel or a Woody Allen film. A lot of superfluous language with a certain charm and draw, but ultimately just not me. Oooh.... I did it again.... Am I going to get busted by the Jane and Woody police?

Sorry folks, I will resume some semblance of normal soon.

And to those of you who know me, wondering what is up... Heck if I know... Maybe mid-life crisis? But then, shouldn't I do something more exciting than post comments on a blog?

Summer's last light

fading fast.

Remember.... always

I am sharing this little part of me to honour the memory of those who died and those who lost loved ones on September 11, 2001.

your name rests upon my tongue
in silence, then spoken softly
and whispered to the wind
it shall be carried for an eternity

in every murmur
every breath
every sigh
and though reason be lost
or time decay
you shall remain

forever

within the infinite

vastness

of my soul.

cki 2010

My memory is filled with many blank spaces. However, I clearly remember where I was when the 9/11 attacks happened and I also remember every day after that waiting anxiously for news of survivors being pulled out, because some part of me knew that there just had to be...It didn't matter that I was so far away or that I didn't know anyone in the buildings, on the planes nor on the ground. For whatever reason, I remembered that I had scribbled this poem in a journal a couple years ago and went to find it. I looked at the page and found that I had originally written it on September 11, 2008.

To honour the fallen.... again

Sorry folks, but once again there seems to be a reason why I could not let the deaths of two soldiers from the U.K. (Captain Andrew Griffiths and Lance Corporal Joseph McFarlane Pool) go unmentioned. A couple days ago I had picked up three books, one of which was a book of poetry published in 1900. I had flipped through the pages reading snippets, and one particular poem caught my eye.

Dust to Dust

The body sinks to earth away,
From whence it came;
The soul ascends the shining way,
A living flame.

The body slumbers in the dust,
For years untold;
The soul companion of the just,
Within the fold.

That heavenly fold, from whence no more
We careless stray;
For earth and all its trials sore
Have passed away.

This poem was written by "John Steele of St. John, N.B., ... born Dumfriesshire, Scotland in 1811", and is from a book published in 1900, the title of which is: Selections from Scottish Canadian Poets, being a Collection of the best poetry written by Scotsmen and their descendants in the Dominion of Canada. So.... what, you may ask, does this have to do with anything? Well, it turns out, according to the British Ministry of Defence, that one of the fallen soldiers (LCpl Pool) was originally from Dumfries, Scotland. Coincidence? Perhaps, but for whatever reason, I'm posting this in their honour, because I.... can. And.... because I have been getting the impression that there is a serious lack of respect and a great deal of disrespect directed towards British soldiers in their own country. I hope this is truly not the case.

And the sky reveals...

I'm thinking...
I'm thinking...
Is this what I've been thinking?

Maybe...

sometimes...

I've gone soft.... Movie Reviews

Wait a minute..... not that kind.

Just so you know, if I watch two movies in one night, one of them had better be an action movie..... Hold on a sec.... this is why I think I've gone soft.... I watched TWO chick flicks in one night, AND I actually enjoyed the soft and gooey one instead of the overacted one.

Honey, what should we watch, "The Back-Up Plan" or "Leap Year"? Oooh..... how to dodge that bullet.

"The Back-Up Plan" Single woman (Jennifer Lopez) doesn't have what she wants so she goes and gets it for herself, then she magically gets a guy (Alex O'Loughlin) and a relationshp she thought she didn't want, finds out she's pregnant, then she changes her mind and doesn't want the guy, pushes him away, asks him back, then magically ends up with guy, babies and still maintaining her own business. On the flip side, single guy meets a girl, gets more than he bargained for, questions whether it is worth it, worries about all the money, gets pushed away, then gets asked back, then magically ends up with the gal, babies AND enough money to start his own business. Humourously over the top modern day fairy tale.

"Leap Year" Young woman (Amy Adams) thinks she has everything she wants, but one. She follows her boyfriend (Adam Scott) to Ireland to ask him to marry her, goes through hell and high water, hires a disagreeable Irish chap (Matthew Goode) to drive her to meet her boyfriend, becomes both irritated and attracted to the Irish guy, meets up with her boyfriend who asks her to marry him before she has to ask him, they go back to their fabulous, posh new apartment in Boston, she realizes she has everything she thought she wanted, but not the one thing she needs. The ending is gorgeous, but with an extra scene tacked on at the end. Understated modern day fairy tale with character.

Hmm... Hard to tell.... I was thinking anyone under 30 would definitely have a better time watching "The Back-Up Plan", but it might actually be anyone under 40? Of course, it gets bonus points for having Alex O'Loughlin charming and shirtless, but still...I picked the rough and tumble romance of Ireland in "Leap Year". Like I said, I've gone soft. Hopefully for most people these two choices will never come up at the same time.

So.... fast forward a week to the next two movies I just watched, one being the WORST movie EVER MADE (seriously) and the other perhaps one of the most beautiful. It is funny how the two movies comparatively speaking are the Title of one of them, "Beauty and the Beast". The other was "Young Victoria". Reviews coming soon.

September Sun

Windblown kiss to Fall's grasping hand.

Mom and Comfort Food

My mom would have celebrated her 75th birthday today. Prior to this day, I had been thinking about, of all things.... food. Delicious, home-cooked, artery hardening, old-fashioned food. Of course, back when we were kids, there was no such thing as high cholesterol, or fat-free, or keeping hydrated, or wearing sun-block.... you get the picture. So, to celebrate my mom's birthday, I have decided to dedicate this post to.... food. My top-five favourite home-cooked meals mom used to make are:

Succulent Roast Beef with just a blush of pink in the middle, served with Mashed potatoes, gravy, peas, carrots AND .... a personal favourite.... Yorkshire pudding. (I used to eat it with butter on it...seriously. Now, if you know what Yorkshire pudding is, you'll know what I'm talking about.)

Juicy Roast Turkey with the skin crisp and golden, served with Mashed potatoes, gravy, carrots, and brussel sprouts or tender cabbage, boiled, yes, boiled, and seasoned with a touch of chicken bouillon.

Ham Roast served with creamy scalloped potatoes, cream corn (or fresh fried corn fritters), and slices of pineapple on the side.

Cornish Game Hens with the skin seasoned lightly with salt and pepper, served with wild rice stuffing cooked within, and mandarin orange slices (the canned ones of course) on the side

Chicken Cordon Bleu (chicken tenderized just so, stuffed with ham and swiss cheese, then cooked in BUTTER), served with..... I don’t remember – the chicken was too damn good to remember anything else.

It is amazing that mom had a job AND got home to cook all these amazing dinners ALL the time when we were growing up.

And.... don't get me started on the desserts....

And... don't ask what I've been eating for the past two months that prompted me to write this.

Drool on.

A new set of balls

As summer nears its end, I figured I had better get this one last post in regarding tennis before the season comes to a close. So... further to "Logic v Emotion" and "Logic v Emotion II - Tennis" I have to say that I finally rediscovered my forehand last time I played. I have determined that all I needed was a new set of balls and a compact stroke. Uh.... wait a minute, that doesn't sound very good does it? What can I say... it just worked for the first time in a long time. Clearly I had been overthinking the shot, or not thinking clearly enough, if that makes sense. Who knows how it will work next time..... I suppose therefore that life is like my forehand, unpredictable, but with many possibilities.

To Remember

the fallen

Canadian, French, Estonian, (17) U.S. - in four days

(Sorry folks, I couldn't let this pass.

I will resume some semblance of normal soon.)

I have no words to say...

On a bright sunny day the contrast between shadow

and light is sometimes too much to bear.

I have no words to say, so will borrow another's:
Il pleure dans mon coeur... (Paul Verlaine)