I fear that this emptiness will never be filled and that it will remain a cold, dark void until I die. The interests and miscellaneous activities that used to fill the time and space of my life are no longer, and thus the void expands. Of course there is yet a faint glimmer of hope, the possibility that something exists, but it is a vague thought, abstract and distant.
I wrote that last night.
What gives rise to such thoughts yet again? Two things... That damn glimmer of hope is one of them. The other? A situation which makes me question my abilities, feeds the feeling of inadequacy, and at the end of the day makes me feel like crap.
This morning I felt torn. I still do. I have a day off from work. I always go in to do a little extra work on my day off. I'm being eaten away by the nibbling dread.