A couple seconds more and...

I almost forgot about this...

 

On Saturday, I decided to splurge on pizza. It was just a personal size, but instead of my cheap standard "just cheese", I went with the new Nacho flavour with a thin crust. But pizza is not what this is about. I ordered it by phone, looked at the clock and figured I would leave at 7:05. I ran about a minute or two over, so I walked rather briskly up the street towards the pizza establishment. As I was hurrying along, I heard a small "splat"... and stopped in my tracks to see that the "splat" was bird poop hitting the ground a few inches in front of me. I felt my hair to make sure that none had made contact and breathed a sigh of relief. If I had been but a second or two earlier, that would have landed square on my head instead of on the ground before my foot.

 

Fast forward to today when I was putting on the same boots, when I got outside into the sunlight, I noticed something white on the toe of my right boot. I tried to scrape it off with the other boot, but it did not want to budge. Yes, that's how close it had been.

I'd have to agree...

(via "Running to Nowhere")

Um...

 

Heck, I went so far outside my comfort zone that "awkward and uncomfortable" became my new normal.

Happy Birthday

To  my favourite Irishman with whom I share a birthday.

Face the music...

I fear that this emptiness will never be filled and that it will remain a cold, dark void until I die. The interests and miscellaneous activities that used to fill the time and space of my life are no longer, and thus the void expands. Of course there is yet a faint glimmer of hope, the possibility that something exists, but it is a vague thought, abstract and distant.

I wrote that last night.

What gives rise to such thoughts yet again? Two things... That damn glimmer of hope is one of them. The other?  A situation which makes me question my abilities, feeds the feeling of inadequacy, and at the end of the day makes me feel like crap. 

This morning I felt torn. I still do. I have a day off from work. I always go in to do a little extra work on my day off. I'm being eaten away by the nibbling dread.  

Movie Madness Quote #2

 

"Waiter, there is too much pepper on my paprikash. But, I would be proud to partake of your pecan pie."

 

Friday fun...

 

If this doesn't make you smile at some point, there's something wrong...

(Views 1,081,535)

Crack open your cookie...

 

"Things may seem much worse than they are."

 

"Travel is in your future."

 

"Love isn't what makes the world go round, it is what makes the trip worthwhile."

(From www.horoscope.com's "Fortune Cookie")

 

Midweek Movie Quote #1

 

“What if someone you never met, someone you never saw, someone you never knew, was the only someone for you?”
 

An Irish Blessing...

 

Happy St. Patrick's Day 
 

And then...

... this came up in the FB feed today...

 

which is pretty funny considering what I wrote yesterday...

Accidental necessity...

I came up with that term the other day when at a loss for figuring out the reason why certain things happen in our lives, and how we meet people by way of what seems to be a completely random sequence of events and choices. If we hadn't turned down that road instead of the other, or if we had continued on the straight path ahead of us. If we hadn't clicked that link or the next. If we hadn't walked through that doorway and said hello into the unknown void. If I hadn't? I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be pondering this very thing.

 

I fear though, that this journey will have no bearing on the outcome of my life. That it was a waste of time. That it was a series of random events and choices that changed the way I was, the way I perceived things and the way I felt about things, but it will not change my life. Would that it were the impetus for change, remains to be seen, however I highly doubt that it will be.

 

In scrutinizing my life right now, I find that I am still just going through the motions of living, that I am in fact, simply existing. I dread going to bed at night because I must face the next day. I dread getting up in the morning because I know that I must face my inadequacies, each and every day that follows. There is no dream for the future, there is no hope for something more. It just... is... And that has to be enough. The funny thing is... that if I hadn't taken this unexpected detour, I would have come to this conclusion much sooner. This little journey has afforded me the opportunity to get a glimpse of what I missed out on in not living life the way humans are meant to.  

 

Twas five years ago today...

.... that I began my journey here, so today would be my 4th blogiversary. I think when I marked the occasion in previous years, I noted the "years ago" incorrectly. Oh well... I still can't quite believe I'm still here, especially taking into consideration that I have nothing left to offer.

Heart of darkness...

 

(Via Facebook)

 

 

It has been a while since I went "there", but... since that came up tonight, I decided to search the blog for some of my darkness. I typed the word "cold" into the search box... This is just a bit of what I found...

 

Exile

Forgotten

Cold Hand

Broken

Silent Voices

Blank Slate

The Quiet One 

Completely utterly lost...

A childhood memory...

Done

Time

The Unforgiving Stone

Illumination

 

That is all.

Still life...

Further to this ...

(... taken this morning... still holding its beauty...)

In like a lion...

 

The end of February was beautiful and sunny...

 

March however was a different story. Fourteen inches of snow in two days, it lived up to its fierce reputation.

(Same tree as the first image.)

 

Today, the third day, we are already in meltdown. Huge piles of snow and miniature lakes adorn the streets. Shoveling snow this morning, clearing the corner drains this afternoon, and digging out a lady's car that had been snowed under and plowed in, took two pairs of snowboots, two jackets, two pairs of gloves, one pair of mittens and three pairs of socks out of commission just today. By late afternoon the snow was a little bit heavier (understatement) than normal (but not quite as much as last year) and as such I used some muscles that weren't quite used to such usage. Although I was soaked to the bone twice and a half, and said unused muscles rather tight, oddly enough it was both tiring and somewhat invigorating. I am glad that I didn't catch a chill, and am thankful that I didn't blow my back out again as I did a few years ago.