A Charlie Brownish Christmas...

 

My Charlie Brownish Christmas tree...

 

  

Well... I did it... I finally finished cleaning the dining room and kitchen AND tidied up the laundry room. Massive amounts of stuff have been trucked back upstairs again. Two years worth of crap shuffled about and moved in a relatively short period of time. In the midst of doing that, every once in a while I would add a splash of Christmas in the dining room and kitchen, as well as outside... I cut some branches/ fronds from the fir and cedars in the yard and stuffed those into a couple urns to add some festive greenery. I did end up bringing in the sad looking tree I had dug up from the garden, and it sat naked in the corner of the dining room for a few days until I decorated it on Saturday. A couple sections I tied together with twine, another I tied to a strand of lights with fine silver thread, and another completely bare section I twist-tied a fake branch to. I attended to last minute cleaning up of small stuff last night and today, just in time for company. Haven't had anyone over to actually sit down and visit for ... four years? Has it been that long?

 

Anyways... it would appear that I am easing up on my not hugging. That would be... six today... Geesh.

 

Once again, I couldn't do much this year, so some thought had to go into what I could do for gifts. There have been a few times when I've been cleaning up down here and getting Christmas decorations down from upstairs when I've had those "what's the point?" moments, when my eyes have been so dry and tired, my brain burning. I stilll don't know what I'm going to do with my life, still don't know how I'm going to pay all the bills, still don't know what the point of it all is, but as I sit here typing this on Christmas Eve... now Christmas, in an empty house, filled only with the sound of my fingers hitting the keys and Christmas music in the background, tears welling up in my eyes, no dream, no future, but... I'm still here, and that's something.

 

Merry Christmas to you and those missing loved ones. May your future be merry and bright.