The drought revisited...

Once again, living off of one's credit card and line of credit, as well as borrowing money to pay for a mortgage, isn't exactly the best way to go about life, but I am no stranger to it, as I had to make due when going through my own personal drought a few years ago. Not a whole heck of a lot of options in a small town previously supported by resource based industry that no longer exists in the area. I made a go of my own business which I thoroughly enjoyed and after that, worked for a non-profit, but had to make the difficult decision to leave. As I mentioned before, I'm in the same place I was fresh out of high school, the only difference being the major debt load I'm now carrying. It would be nice to start fresh, but life doesn't work that way when you're almost fifty with no prospects of any sort.

I wonder about the "before", when music and movies, sports, or pretty pictures and creativity, could help make life flow. Where did that all go? Depression the demon whispers. Losing interest in your interests. Withdrawing from society. Feeling lost. Bouts of sadness for no reason. Now that I think about it, perhaps working at a job and keeping busy at that job for over twenty years, such that I didn't have to participate in or pursue a life, was just prolonging the inevitable. If the job had ended sooner, this would have come crashing down sooner. But... could there have ever been a cosmic plan for this speck of dust? I think not.



So I buy food. So I splurged on a few movies to watch. That's about it, but it will do for now. I am glad of my choices. Of movies that is. Three I chose. And three I enjoyed greatly. (I had a feeling I would though.)

 



 

Heatwave...

 

Once again I'd fallen into the pit of nothingness in my head. No music, no movies, no walking. Barely going out. Granted the three month heatwave did have something to do with it, or perhaps just made it worse. 30 Celsius INside the house was countered only by one fan in the kitchen and one desk fan in the bedroom, with no windows to open in order to push the warm air around. I pretty much stayed immobile within the bubble of the fan, being that upon rising, one was enveloped by the slow crush of hot air. Then rain to end the drought. Then finally the temperature at night started to cool. Then the days were not so hot, but due to the humidity, it didn't seem to have changed much at all. And now the province-wide campfire ban seems to have been lifted.

 

During the hottest weeks, as the house heated up gradually throughout the day, which ended in an almost suffocating closeness in the evening, a stroke of brilliance hit me, wherein I determined the best course of action was to lie down on the kitchen floor, under the fan, watching movies on the laptop. It was also during this time that I discovered how lucky guys are to be able to go shirtless in the summer. What a wondrous thing it is to make pancakes in your underwear and to drink cold milk straight from the jug.

Demand a plan...

 

Saw this video on Facebook (a little behind the times).  The campaign is called "Demand a Plan" and it is a bunch of celebrities saying "enough", and demanding a plan to end gun violence. To that, all I can say is ... then stop glorifying it... (Warning: Sweary bits.)

Tactile Human Contact revisited...

Part one 

Part deux.

Unreal...

I'm just shaking my head after seeing this... I think to myself, why, why would you do that to yourself? And then I realize that I answered my own question.

 

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Crying to your soul...

This came up today in Facebook, and I couldn't not post it. Yes, I still remembered the words, but not too funny that I do, considering this.  

 

The rather funny thing is that I had gone over to the old house a few weeks ago and loaded up more of my crap to bring home, amongst which I had two boxes of my mix-tapes and miscellaneous cassettes, including Bronski Beat.

"The answers you seek will never be found at home."