Nostalgic journey

Walked over to aged father's house this afternoon to pack up the rest of my crap which has been sitting there for over ten years now. I knew it was mostly clothes, but had no idea how much other stuff there was. I had sent over six big boxes earlier and took with me seven large recycling bags in preparation for this adventure. Three hours later, I was not quite finished, but had seven bags of clothes and four boxes filled. Once I got home and unloaded the stuff, I started in on the sorting aspect, and began multi-tasking... Needless to say, I am not quite done, and ended up also looking through and scanning in some old photos. I was starting to get a headache around 2AM and my brain and eyes were tired, but didn't stop... perhaps I should have. Oh... I also started writing a rather lengthy blogpost, but was not able to complete it... so... I figured I'd write a quickie prelude post. Dumb idea... Now I'm fried.

Anyways, I think the high point of all this was revisiting the past through all the old pictures. Whilst I was sitting on the floor looking at a boxful of old family photos and some landsapes that I had taken way, way back, I was also sifting through songs on a few CDs that I had brought back as well... The song that started playing was this:
 

 

 

I wasn't really familiar with the song, but it just seemed to have an odd kinship to the pictures I was sorting through. Not sure why.

Sorry

 

The title to that post was misleading. Perhaps one day I shall be inspired to write a true Ode to that most sublime nutriment. The question is... will desire be sufficient inspiration?

Sleepy tired...

Maybe, just maybe.

Ode to Bacon

 

In light of my recent discovery of having the ability to pretend that flax bread toasted with Miracle Whip and a slice of tomato is really a Bacon and Tomato sandwich, I was going to write another Ode to Beefsteak Tomato and the yearning for bacon, and then tonight I came across this post via an old comment on a blog that I've been reading for a while. It almost... almost satisfies the bacon lust just looking at it.

Oh... and yes... thinking about bacon when it is almost 3AM... Wonderful.

Patience

Soft, wistful, lingering warmth
Set aside your tears
Wait



(I seem to have acquired a soft spot for the lingering warmth of Summer in the past few years.)

So I Googled the words...

"what am i going to do with my life". I clicked on the third one down because the name caught my eye and the caption said "18 ways to try and answer the question what am I going to do with my life". Of course I am always rather skeptical about such things, but as with most things I am skeptical about, I look anyways. In this particular case, there might be some valuable insight or motivational factor. You never know. So there was a list, and I copied and pasted the list here, and I started to go through the list and write my comments. When I got to the last one, my response would be: My plan is to get another job so I can pay my bills and die. Someone might read that and think that I'm oversimplifying or joking. The thing is... I'm not. Looking at those words, I realized that they rendered the previous seventeen points redundant. You need to want something in order to live. You need to want something more in order to change your life. The moment you cease to want something, you cease to live. Aye, and there's the rub indeed.

Life...

Fleeting.

Futile.
Faltering.

Fatal.
Fading.

Final.

 

There is no make up test. No do over.

No backspace. No whiteout.

No edit.

 

Once you turn the page, you can't go back.

The ending will always be the same.

However...

Life is a brilliant unfinished manuscript.
 
(I've just had writer's block for twenty years.)

Project Valour IT 2012

Hmm... When I took part in this fundraiser two years ago, this was the final result. This year the total raised was just over $25,000. Now that is a huge drop. I did notice that this time around not many blogs had the "in your face" donate widget and I don't think there were as many bloggers participating as before on each "team". It isn't just that times are tough all over, or the current controversy, but that perhaps bloggers are becoming a dying breed? I know there are defections to Facebook, but still, that would be a useful tool as well for this type of project. Who knows. I was a little late to the party on both accounts, only having started my own blog in March, 2010. I do feel as though I'm winding down from this whole blogging thing, but the same could be said for life as well, so maybe it is just a general trend... I don't know. There needs to be fuel, or a spark, but for me, the light simply seems to be fading.

Update: Oh... and yes, I had the widget up top, front and center and then moved it to the sidebar when the fundraiser was officially finished. I just removed it from the sidebar, but after I did so I realized that I should have kept it posted here. I'm sure you can still help out if you wish. Ah... I did have it saved elsewhere.

Not forgotten...

your name rests upon my tongue in silence,

then spoken softly

and whispered to the wind

it shall be carried for an eternity

in every murmur

every breath

every sigh

and though reason be lost

or time decay

you shall remain

forever

within the infinite vastness

of my soul.
 

 

I wrote that on September 11, 2008 and shared it for the first time here.

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Now go read here.


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Update September 11, 2012, 2:11am: I was going to post Amazing Grace, but for some reason, this song still seems to best capture the feeling for me.

Nothing, nowhere

"I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. I'm getting worried. Granted, I've been worried before, but the finality and futility of it all has never seemed so clear."

 

Explaining my current situation in conversation.

 

I feel as though I have nothing else to say here and nowhere else to go.

Is the magic gone?

 

(There was no magic. It was just the internet.)

This song came to mind tonight.

If you knew you were going to die...

tomorrow and wrote a letter to your child... I'd want to say as much as I could think of. This just about covers everything.

I know a little girl who is going to love this...

... besides me... (Actually, what little girl wouldn't?)

Oh... and on the sidebar, just happened to catch this. Sorry, but it made me chuckle.

(My thoughts then drifted to something else... a police dog killed in the line of duty around here a few years back, and what I found was this. Hard to believe that so many years have passed.)

Angel

Struggling inside my head on and off again for a few days, this song came to mind thinking about a couple blog people going through a tough time right now.
 

Canadian singer/songwriter, Sarah McLachlan.

When I went agoogling, I found out that it was released in 1999, about the time I had been losing my eyesight, a year before mom died. The strange thing about the timing of this is that it is mom's birthday today.

You know what?

It would be an honour just to fold this guys freaking laundry.

Yes, piano... that brought a tear to my eye, but ... no ... that wasn't the first thing that caught my attention, this was.

The photo itself was over at a blog that I don't read very often, which linked to this story. An amazing and inspiring young man, the image above being from this race. 

Hmm... rehabilitation and recovery through music... I like that. I figured I would check out the organization mentioned in that video... MusiCorps.

Oh, and considering my lack of motivation over the past couple years, and for which I have no excuses whatsoever, I snatched this from Facebook.

They're just a bunch of backwards farmers...

I don't care. It's just wrong. Plain and simple, wrong.

"The central Taliban leadership is trying to improve the group's image in case it wants to push forward tentative reconciliation steps and perhaps even enter mainstream politics. But some militant units are hard to control, roaming the countryside and slaughtering those deemed immoral."... from here. Sure, improve the image of a flawed and ignorant belief system. Yeah... right. In the two years that I've been blogging, there has been talk of talks with the Taliban. I know nothing, but in my humble opinion, such talks would be tantamount to a tapdancing tryst with trigger-happy terrorists. (And ... now it's no longer just metaphorical.)
 

Kinda makes me wish

that I could have gone into a medical research field of study or something. I have had this link for several months now, not knowing what to say, what to write about it or how to explain its importance.
 

Nothing ventured, nothing gained...

Pfffft.

 

Well... I don't know what to say. I just broke a whole bunch of stuff. No swearing, just a hunh. Thinking to myself... what a joke. It seemed to have happened in slow motion again. I heard the first metal clunk, saw it out of the corner of my eye and then clunk, crash, smash. The words "oh no" flashed in my head, but that was it. I was carrying a bowl full of peaches and a jug of apple cider at the time, so I could only watch and listen to the destruction.

I went to the kitchen table, set down the stuff I was carrying and went back to assess the damage. Two chipped sugar bowl lids, two chipped mugs, three completely smashed tea coasters. It could have been worse, much worse. I had accidentally nudged a metal plaque which then tipped over and set off a chain reaction ending in a metal candleholder falling on top of a set of ceramic dishes.

Call it what you will. Insult to injury. Salt in the wound. Whatever it be. What a waste. A waste of money, a waste of time, a waste of space... for nothing. One step forward, three steps back.

Oh... but I have fresh peaches and apple cider to soften the blow. Add Eggo Waffles and some bacon (or a burger) and I'll be good to go.

 

 

I fell asleep again...

... but this time at around 9pm... in the dining room... What? Last time it was the laundry room around 7pm. Highly unusual, but it was as though my body just needed to shut down again. And... I dreamed that my cat was at the front door of the house. I heard his bell as he ran up the steps, so I tapped on the window to let him know I was coming. The only thing is, he died just over twelve years ago before I had even moved here.

Anyways, I slept for at least a solid hour and a half. Oh, and no, the dining room isn't currently set up as a dining room, so the chair I fell asleep in is pretty darn comfy. I did get a crick in my neck to start, but settled into it nicely. No head snapping or drooling. I woke up still feeling tired, but needless to say, it will be interesting to see if I can sleep once I am horizontal on the bed. That seems to be an issue. Being able to fall asleep whilst lying down.

 

Ooh... Pizza

I have been thinking about pizza for a couple months now. Today, it came to me. Of its own free will. I had just headed over to visit a friend and a guy who is an old buddy of my former boss was coming out of the pizza place with two large pizzas. He offered both of us a slice. I told him that I had a piece of fudge to eat with my coffee already, but he said that I had to have a piece of pizza before I ate the fudge... So I couldn't say no. Damn... it was good... Ah... gooey cheese, loaded with a thick underlay of meat... and a zesty tomato sauce... Sigh! I even got some on my face...

Ah... food...

I am reminded of this as well as this: