Absolutely

Little Evil Mini-Me Monday Madness...

I had a song pop into my head from ... the disco age... Why? I don't know. When I went to look for a link, I found a version of it that I had heard before in a movie, but had managed to blot out of my memory or block out from my mind. Now it is etched here forever. Do not proceed unless you enjoy pain and/or you have a little evil sense of humour.

Thankfulness...

Hydrangea in the garden, Summer 2010

A symbol expressing love, gratitude, and enlightenment.

Fortunate and a Fortune Cookie

I realized this afternoon that I have had three separate birthday dinners this year, plus today I splurged on Chinese take-out with some money I received as a gift. I was also invited by an old friend's mom to have cabbage rolls (a personal favourite that mom used to make) tomorrow as another belated b-day dinner. Lucky or fortunate I am... Thinking about it now, this may actually be more appealing than one big party. Sort of like how I view Valentine's Day. No fuss, no muss... just spread the love around.

***

Oh, and today's fortune cookie that came with dinner:

Ah, except that the coming into money would have to precede the travelling. The funny thing about this is that a couple days ago, I picked up a Passport Application. I haven't bothered to get a new one in over fifteen years. Hmm...

I should know better...

about a lot of things. Technically speaking, I do know better, but sometimes I just don't not do what I shouldn't do.

If you are slightly lactose intolerant, don't make the first thing you eat all day to be a bowl of bran flakes, trail mix and milk.

Friday Night Freakiness

Fair warning...

Sappy, sappy, SAPPY song in my head from the early 80s. I think big sis had the vinyl 45rpm single. I may still have some of those in storage, but I don't know what happened to the little record player we had. I remember we needed to have the little disc thing to put in the centre of the single in order to play it.

I didn't even know what the guys in the band looked like, but watching that video, the lead singer sort of reminds me of Luke Wilson when he does that eyebrow thing. Oh... and yes... I could have linked to a better version of the song but I was feeling a little evil.

The Broken Record

I have found myself repeating things here and in comments, and would liken it to going around in circles. Not remembering what I had said before, or perhaps even always thinking the same thoughts. There is no new insight, no forward motion. As this came to mind just now, I could see it being akin to a broken record. I am a broken record. The one scratch in the vinyl that the needle gets stuck on and keeps skipping over and over and over so that the song, ruined forever, never finishes.

Unknowing

I wasted my life by not wanting much of anything more than what I had in front of me. And now... only now it is that I want something more? Something worthwhile... something meaningful? The only thing is... I can't have it... because... I don't know what it is.

Hello again...

No, life hasn't taken me away from here. Still struggling inside my head would be an understatement. Still struggling with sleep would be as well. Tonight, I conked out at about 10:30. Woke up a couple hours later... awake. So, here I be.

The other day, I think it was early Sunday morning, dragging over from late Saturday night, I couldn't sleep and for some reason a song by Evanescence came to mind. So... I went to find the CD... glad that they are sorted in the drawers alphabetically. As I lay there listening, there was one song that I had somehow forgotten had so resonated with me back when I had first heard it, and now, with where I am, even moreso.

I went looking for a link to one of the other songs, Bring me to Life, and found this live acoustic version, which sort of blew me away, because... well... if you have ever tried to sing anything or carry a tune. Again, another one that seems to have meaning to me at this time, and oddly appropriate, considering this.

(Oh, and I had a feeling that I had already done a post called "Hello", so couldn't use it as a title again.)

I'm going to sleep now. I am... 

Time to say goodbye...

The song "Time to Say Goodbye" came drifting back into my mind earlier tonight as I was trying to write something for the blog. I couldn't very well leave it with a Happy Birthday post up after the day was done.  Anyways, the funny thing is that in a rare recent moment of clarity, I wrote this in an email: "... wherever there is a hello there will be a goodbye, whether of our own accord or by some outside force."

After agoogling for a link to that song, another one I had almost forgotten came back as well. I find it interesting that they should come to me in this order. (The audio/video sucks on that, so I found a different version.) 

(Hmm... I must have gone temporarily sappy again. To think that it was only a couple days ago that I had started to write about having a Korn day.)

Little Evil Mini-Me Birthday wishes

Happy, happy, happy!

Thanks be to T1G.

Peaceful turmoil

There is no light... it is but a flicker in the darkness extinguished by one breath... or a single tear.

Life is for the living.

All I do is age.

(Like what though? Wine? Cheese? Milk?)

Gertie and George and the Friendship of Books

I wasn't satisfied with the definition of a word in Merriam-Webster online, so I went to check the rather old, rather large dictionary sitting on the bookshelf in the other room. Apparently all it was doing in there was... collecting dust. It is two large volumes, and I had a few small old books on top. I got side-tracked moving the books and wiping the dust off. One of the books, a tiny thing, caught my attention. Small, leather bound with Celtic symbols embossed on the cover with the words "Friendship of Books". I remember buying the book at an Antique shop, but I guess I had forgotten that I had it. The funny thing about this is that not too long ago, someone said to me "... books are like friends you can visit any time you want." And, the other day, prompted by a blog on which I wanted to make an extended comment, but didn't, I started off writing something about books. "Books... I love books. Old books. The kind of books that have depth, weight, heft. The kind of book that you can hit someone on the head with. The ones that teach you something, not tell you something. But, above the book, I place my brain, my ability to think for myself first." I went on to write a bit more about common sense, understanding and wisdom, but again, lacking sufficient brainpower in the past little while, I could not finish the thought. Anyways, when I opened that wee book mentioned above, there was this inscription.

Who were Gertie and George? What was their relationship? He gave her this particular book near the beginning of the war and quoted Milton. Did he get shipped off? Hmmm... so many things to wonder.

So, perhaps I should revise my prior thought about books "... that teach you something, not tell you something." ... to include "and that make you think beyond the words."

Out and about...

... and still out of focus.

Craving

Spam Hash. With ketchup. What the?

Something is very, very wrong.

I fear...

... that I have lost my brain. I honestly thought that it was a temporary setback, but I now wonder if it is a gradual disintegration of my faculties. It has been an ongoing concern previously set forth in the form of the questions "Where did I go?" and "Who have I become?". I stare unblinkingly blankly into the space before me... Am I breathing? I think so. Is my heart beating? I'm not sure. Am I alive? I don't know.

No, I didn't try it...

(Beef and Bison Burger patty)

... but I was tempted.

Holy... snow...

I went out to run a couple errands earlier and thought to myself what a beautiful sunny day it was, the fleeting warmth of the spring sun however betrayed by the snow lying low on the mountains.

On my way home, I noticed that the snowline on this mountain looked different than it had in all the years prior that I had walked this road. It seemed as though the snow had fallen heavier in different areas or that parts of the mountain had been cleared or hollowed out, allowing extra to settle. As I neared home, the steeple crept into view and it kind of makes me wish I had a better position, better camera and better eyes with which to capture it.

In looking at the picture now, viewing it from a little farther away from the screen, it almost looks as though there is a cross in the middle of the elongated triangle of snow.

Zombie meat

I was thinking the other day that perhaps I should purchase a box of frozen burger patties, which I haven't had in probably 14 years or so. Used to be great almost charred, on a toasted bun with Thousand Island Dressing and maybe some crunchy Romaine lettuce. The timing of this is rather interesting, as this morning, I noticed an article regarding a frozen beef product recall which included several different brands and products. Hmm... I couldn't remember whether or not Ecoli, the bacteria in question, survived beyond being frozen, and apparently it does. I went agoogling further and found this tidbit. So, in other words, it survives being frozen, but it cannot survive being burned to death. On a somewhat related note, it is interesting that sometimes nuking doesn't even work on some pre-cooked foods, due to uneven heating and not being nuked through and through. So, even though something is already dead, there are living organisms that yet live / come back to life / thrive, and can only be killed if nuked to death. In other words, you have to kill something twice to eat it.

Doesn't feel like it, but apparently...

(From Google images... I just added the words.)