The drought revisited...

Once again, living off of one's credit card and line of credit, as well as borrowing money to pay for a mortgage, isn't exactly the best way to go about life, but I am no stranger to it, as I had to make due when going through my own personal drought a few years ago. Not a whole heck of a lot of options in a small town previously supported by resource based industry that no longer exists in the area. I made a go of my own business which I thoroughly enjoyed and after that, worked for a non-profit, but had to make the difficult decision to leave. As I mentioned before, I'm in the same place I was fresh out of high school, the only difference being the major debt load I'm now carrying. It would be nice to start fresh, but life doesn't work that way when you're almost fifty with no prospects of any sort.

I wonder about the "before", when music and movies, sports, or pretty pictures and creativity, could help make life flow. Where did that all go? Depression the demon whispers. Losing interest in your interests. Withdrawing from society. Feeling lost. Bouts of sadness for no reason. Now that I think about it, perhaps working at a job and keeping busy at that job for over twenty years, such that I didn't have to participate in or pursue a life, was just prolonging the inevitable. If the job had ended sooner, this would have come crashing down sooner. But... could there have ever been a cosmic plan for this speck of dust? I think not.



So I buy food. So I splurged on a few movies to watch. That's about it, but it will do for now. I am glad of my choices. Of movies that is. Three I chose. And three I enjoyed greatly. (I had a feeling I would though.)

 



 

Heatwave...

 

Once again I'd fallen into the pit of nothingness in my head. No music, no movies, no walking. Barely going out. Granted the three month heatwave did have something to do with it, or perhaps just made it worse. 30 Celsius INside the house was countered only by one fan in the kitchen and one desk fan in the bedroom, with no windows to open in order to push the warm air around. I pretty much stayed immobile within the bubble of the fan, being that upon rising, one was enveloped by the slow crush of hot air. Then rain to end the drought. Then finally the temperature at night started to cool. Then the days were not so hot, but due to the humidity, it didn't seem to have changed much at all. And now the province-wide campfire ban seems to have been lifted.

 

During the hottest weeks, as the house heated up gradually throughout the day, which ended in an almost suffocating closeness in the evening, a stroke of brilliance hit me, wherein I determined the best course of action was to lie down on the kitchen floor, under the fan, watching movies on the laptop. It was also during this time that I discovered how lucky guys are to be able to go shirtless in the summer. What a wondrous thing it is to make pancakes in your underwear and to drink cold milk straight from the jug.

Demand a plan...

 

Saw this video on Facebook (a little behind the times).  The campaign is called "Demand a Plan" and it is a bunch of celebrities saying "enough", and demanding a plan to end gun violence. To that, all I can say is ... then stop glorifying it... (Warning: Sweary bits.)

Tactile Human Contact revisited...

Part one 

Part deux.

Unreal...

I'm just shaking my head after seeing this... I think to myself, why, why would you do that to yourself? And then I realize that I answered my own question.

 

(YouTube Views 305,691)

Crying to your soul...

This came up today in Facebook, and I couldn't not post it. Yes, I still remembered the words, but not too funny that I do, considering this.  

 

The rather funny thing is that I had gone over to the old house a few weeks ago and loaded up more of my crap to bring home, amongst which I had two boxes of my mix-tapes and miscellaneous cassettes, including Bronski Beat.

"The answers you seek will never be found at home."
 

The things that come out of my fingers...

"I feel like that little piece of laundry that fell on the floor and never got picked up. Haven't figured out yet if I am the errant underwear or lone sock." (Part of a message I typed earlier today.)

Dead end...

It s rather sad that I am pretty much at the same place in life as I was exactly thirty years ago, except that this time there is no job to go into until I figure out what to do with my life.

Happy Canada Day

Eh...

If a geek smiles...

... how much money can be raised?

Was scrolling through the FB feed and watched a video posted on George Takei's page. I had heard mention of this fundraiser before, but hadn't looked into it any further until today. Then as I continued on my way watching "suggested videos", there was this... You can't help but smile...
 

Cuteness overload...

... except for the beard and stache... I don't wike it.

 

Another one to sit on a couch with and have a conversation. You can't help but smile. He's infectious.

Lose Yourself

Not a big fan of Eminem, but this gives his "music" some more dimension...

The blank stare...

 

I catch myself falling into that blank stare state of mindlessness that sucks life into the black hole of nothingness. It is rather unsettling in the middle of the day when consciousness is the key to existence and presence the heart of living. Worrisome to say the least as it becomes so effortless to fade into oblivion.

 

(Written whilst sitting at McDonalds. June 1, 2015)

To honour and respect...

Nice bow-tie...

See a little more about this project here and here.

A swing and a miss...

I made a rather astonishingly bold move after trying to hold on for a few months at work, and am without employment. It is funny after having such a routine life for over two decades that so much changed within the seven year period that followed. It seems rather fitting that the namesake for this blog passed away a few days before the fifth anniversary of its creation and that it coincided with this upcoming, new chapter to my life. What can I say? I don't know what to do. Can I reinvent myself for the third time in seven years? I look at job postings daily, even entertaining online jobs, and found that the most appealing and suitable, were those entry level positions for students of an age that I am well past.. I am not surprised, all things considered. 

So how have I been spending my time? Definitely not blogging. Not travelling. Other than the expected, feeling guilty for not doing more and spending too much time online, I have been working out in the yard. Fifteen bundles of cherry tree branches, six bags of yardwaste and several piles of proposed bonfire wood, as well as one small tree unearthed, a few evergreen younglings pulled up and transplanted to pots temporarily, three new plantings and some seed thrown in for moonflowers and poppies. Also handwashed another section of the house exterior, but have been woefully neglecting the interior.

You know.... all this "do what you love" or "love what you do" or "find your passion"... crap? It is wonderful. It is lovely. But life throws you curveballs. The universe chanting "hey batter, batter"... "ooooooh, and it's a swing and a miss". The thing is... I've had three strikes already. I know I'm not out of the game, but it still sucks.

What next?

In the past few days, I have been considering the idea of trying to get my poetry published. This isn't an income generating idea, nor is it intended as such. Just yesterday, I spent about four hours going through a list of mission statements and submission guidelines for over one hundred publishers with "poetry" in their repertoire. Out of all that and the "not accepting unsolicited manuscripts", I shortened the list to thirty. If you take away the "only those who have been published....", "edgy", and "high quality", there really aren't that many choices for what I have to offer. Self-publishing is the only other route. A fundraising campaign would be an option, but in the back of my mind, there's always that niggling "what if it sucks?" and "who would read it?"

I don't know. I guess I'm throwing my pitch out to the universe.

Farewell...

Sometimes this is how I dream...

The short version here.

It is much different seeing this in colour, but no less haunting.

The Heart Test...

No... not THAT heart... but being that Valentine's Day fast approaches, we're talking chocolate. Chocolate covered marshmallow hearts to be more precise. Now usually I don't get special Valentine's Day chocolates unless I splurge and purchase them on sale a day or two after the fact. However, if... and I say if... I DO get some special chocolate treats before or on the day, it will be individually packaged chocolate covered marshmallow hearts. So today, even though I went into the store to buy one thing, I came out of the store with a bag of other things, not realizing until I was almost out the door that I had forgotten the one thing that I had gone in the store to buy in the first place. Alcohol swabs. Cheese Puffs and BBQ Corn Chips were on sale... I got sidetracked. Anyhoooo... I never used to fancy chocolate covered marshmallows much when I was younger, but for a special once in a while treat, it seems they are now the go to nibble. I have before thought of doing a taste comparison between the two that are readily available here, but up until today, I never pushed myself to eat two of them at the same time. So here goes nothing...

 

Love is a battlefield...

 

(Apologies, I didn't think of taking a picture until the evidence was gone...)

 

On the left... Hershey's, weighing in at 31 grams with a price point of $0.99. On the right... Russell Stover (hereinafter referred to as RS) weighing in at 28 grams with a price point of ... $0.59... Now you would think at first glance that the Hershey's package is larger, therefore explaining the higher price. In fact, the chocolate IS heavier, but, there is also a cardboard protective backing in the package, so the heart itself is about the same size or perhaps even a bit smaller than the RS heart.

 

As for taste, the Hershey's heart has a very thick dark chocolate coating that has a lovely chocolate aroma and a rather rich dark chocolate flavour, but for a coating, it is a little too thick, and the marshmallow is surprisingly heavy. The RS heart in contrast, has a much lighter-textured milk chocolate coating that breaks almost seamlessly with the light fluffy marshmallow filling.

 

I am, by nature, a dark, bittersweet chocolate person, but in this particular instance, the Russell Stover chocolate covered marshmallow heart won me over.
 

Oh, and speaking of chocolate... I did try something new the other day... I have mixed feelings about them... 

There is only one...