Um...

 

Heck, I went so far outside my comfort zone that "awkward and uncomfortable" became my new normal.

Happy Birthday

To  my favourite Irishman with whom I share a birthday.

Face the music...

I fear that this emptiness will never be filled and that it will remain a cold, dark void until I die. The interests and miscellaneous activities that used to fill the time and space of my life are no longer, and thus the void expands. Of course there is yet a faint glimmer of hope, the possibility that something exists, but it is a vague thought, abstract and distant.

I wrote that last night.

What gives rise to such thoughts yet again? Two things... That damn glimmer of hope is one of them. The other?  A situation which makes me question my abilities, feeds the feeling of inadequacy, and at the end of the day makes me feel like crap. 

This morning I felt torn. I still do. I have a day off from work. I always go in to do a little extra work on my day off. I'm being eaten away by the nibbling dread.  

Movie Madness Quote #2

 

"Waiter, there is too much pepper on my paprikash. But, I would be proud to partake of your pecan pie."

 

Friday fun...

 

If this doesn't make you smile at some point, there's something wrong...

(Views 1,081,535)

Crack open your cookie...

 

"Things may seem much worse than they are."

 

"Travel is in your future."

 

"Love isn't what makes the world go round, it is what makes the trip worthwhile."

(From www.horoscope.com's "Fortune Cookie")

 

Midweek Movie Quote #1

 

“What if someone you never met, someone you never saw, someone you never knew, was the only someone for you?”
 

An Irish Blessing...

 

Happy St. Patrick's Day 
 

And then...

... this came up in the FB feed today...

 

which is pretty funny considering what I wrote yesterday...

Accidental necessity...

I came up with that term the other day when at a loss for figuring out the reason why certain things happen in our lives, and how we meet people by way of what seems to be a completely random sequence of events and choices. If we hadn't turned down that road instead of the other, or if we had continued on the straight path ahead of us. If we hadn't clicked that link or the next. If we hadn't walked through that doorway and said hello into the unknown void. If I hadn't? I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be pondering this very thing.

 

I fear though, that this journey will have no bearing on the outcome of my life. That it was a waste of time. That it was a series of random events and choices that changed the way I was, the way I perceived things and the way I felt about things, but it will not change my life. Would that it were the impetus for change, remains to be seen, however I highly doubt that it will be.

 

In scrutinizing my life right now, I find that I am still just going through the motions of living, that I am in fact, simply existing. I dread going to bed at night because I must face the next day. I dread getting up in the morning because I know that I must face my inadequacies, each and every day that follows. There is no dream for the future, there is no hope for something more. It just... is... And that has to be enough. The funny thing is... that if I hadn't taken this unexpected detour, I would have come to this conclusion much sooner. This little journey has afforded me the opportunity to get a glimpse of what I missed out on in not living life the way humans are meant to.  

 

Twas five years ago today...

.... that I began my journey here, so today would be my 4th blogiversary. I think when I marked the occasion in previous years, I noted the "years ago" incorrectly. Oh well... I still can't quite believe I'm still here, especially taking into consideration that I have nothing left to offer.

Heart of darkness...

 

(Via Facebook)

 

 

It has been a while since I went "there", but... since that came up tonight, I decided to search the blog for some of my darkness. I typed the word "cold" into the search box... This is just a bit of what I found...

 

Exile

Forgotten

Cold Hand

Broken

Silent Voices

Blank Slate

The Quiet One 

Completely utterly lost...

A childhood memory...

Done

Time

The Unforgiving Stone

Illumination

 

That is all.

Still life...

Further to this ...

(... taken this morning... still holding its beauty...)

In like a lion...

 

The end of February was beautiful and sunny...

 

March however was a different story. Fourteen inches of snow in two days, it lived up to its fierce reputation.

(Same tree as the first image.)

 

Today, the third day, we are already in meltdown. Huge piles of snow and miniature lakes adorn the streets. Shoveling snow this morning, clearing the corner drains this afternoon, and digging out a lady's car that had been snowed under and plowed in, took two pairs of snowboots, two jackets, two pairs of gloves, one pair of mittens and three pairs of socks out of commission just today. By late afternoon the snow was a little bit heavier (understatement) than normal (but not quite as much as last year) and as such I used some muscles that weren't quite used to such usage. Although I was soaked to the bone twice and a half, and said unused muscles rather tight, oddly enough it was both tiring and somewhat invigorating. I am glad that I didn't catch a chill, and am thankful that I didn't blow my back out again as I did a few years ago.

Nope...

Shopkeeper: Can I help you?

Customer:   I'm going to buy myself something because
                  I didn't get anything for Valentine's Day.

Shopkeeper: You don't have a boyfriend yet?

***

 

***

 

 ***

alone

...and my world is empty and full
with nothing and one,
everything
lost in the silence of words said,
unspoken
of treasured time, forgotten space
and the tears that fall
one cannot see who makes them
holds still the heart
which feels such warmth
lays down cold in the dark...

cki2014
(It has been a while since the words have fallen this freely.)

Happy Valentine's Day

I could have authored this...

(Image via Facebook)

Just curious...

 

Hadn't been to check one of the site tracking devices for a while. The Sitemeter one doesn't pick up as much as the one I checked, but interestingly enough, the latter showed on a particular day that 16 of 20 page visits were from Facebook... a Facebook bot... not Googlebot, a Facebook bot...

And today in the Blogger Stats, there were six (6) uniform page visits, as shown below:

I am starting to wonder if any human beings visit here, and if they do, are they just passing through by accident or do they even "stop in" for a while. Wish I could track human visits, maybe do a sound off or something, like name your province in Canada, your state in the U.S. or just your country. Just curious.

How many times? How fast?

I have watched this video three or four or five times now. I'm just wondering if anyone else noticed how many times his heart stopped? Do you know what his maximum air speed reached? Oh... and after he had stabilized, he said "That was really rough." The caption says "tough".
 

Gravity

I had seen video of this amazing leap last year, and today saw this new footage.  
(YouTube Views when I saw it: 442,470)

For a while now, something had been irking me about something somewhat pertinent to this, the subject of which is touched upon here. A movie was released last year and was apparently a huge financial and critical success. It starred two extremely popular actors whose salaries must be astronomical (no pun intended). A cursory search indicates that the movie's budget was approximately one hundred million dollars ... Let me say that again... $100,000,000... What do I find irksome about that? Oh... I don't know... but... maybe... could you imagine if that sum was invested in NASA or some other independent agency?

Interesting to note that when I decided to write this, and went to get the NASA link just now, unbeknownst to me, today, January 31, 2014 was a Day of Remembrance, to honour "members of the NASA family who lost their lives while furthering the cause of exploration and discovery".